Am I responsible for pictures someone has of me

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BlushingOrange

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A few years ago I hung out with my (now) ex-boyfriend and back then I didn’t have the best taste in dress (aka what I consider to be immodest). Would it be my responsibility to tell his mom to not share those pictures of me wearing immodest clothes? It’s been over a year since we last talked with his parents and I’m not sure if I should contact them at all about it. I’m just scared that at some point she will show them to someone and if so, is that partially my responsibility for not telling her?
 
Well, it is your responsibility for dressing like that. It was what it was.
Yes, after asking how life has been treating her and catching up, you could say something to your boyfriend’s mom something like “If you still have pictures of those awful dresses I wore about 3 years ago, can you just delete those? I’m mortified every time I think about wearing something cut that low and that short. I’ve deleted all my pictures like that. If everyone could just forget I ever put anything like that on, that would be the greatest. I’m not judging other people, but personally I don’t like showing that much skin any more.”
If you haven’t really kept up or if she never really liked you or if you think she may be upset with you for breaking up with her son, I would let sleeping dogs lie. If she isn’t on good terms with you after the breakup with her son, she probably won’t show anybody any pictures of you of any kind, not unless she knows it would be a thorn in your side. Blood is thicker than water…
 
You chose to wear the clothes and allowed the photographs to be taken, so, as long as you are an adult without some condition that makes you do things without your own free will, yeah, you are responsible.

At the same time, I cannot fathom of “sharing” pictures of my son’s ex girlfriend. Heck, I am still facebook friends with a couple of them, but, we have a real friendship and DS does not mind. The average parent is not that interested in their kid’s exes unless they are co-parents.
 
I talked to my mom. My family was friends with his family. Although now they’ve stopped talking to us, they sorta cut all contact. I don’t think she ever knew that me and her son were dating but I worry sometimes that I might get brought up in a conversation and that she might end up showing pictures of me to someone. Should I ask a priest about this?
 
BlushingOrange said:
I talked to my mom. My family was friends with his family. Although now they’ve stopped talking to us, they sorta cut all contact. I don’t think she ever knew that me and her son were dating but I worry sometimes that I might get brought up in a conversation and that she might end up showing pictures of me to someone. Should I ask a priest about this?
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I wouldn’t worry about it so much as that.
Think about it this way: What if somebody had pictures of the woman who washed Our Lord’s feet with her tears and washed them with her hair? What about the woman caught in adultery or the woman at the well? Would that have been embarrassing to them? Sure. Was it any information that wasn’t out there without pictures? Sure. Would it change Our Lord’s attitude towards them at all? No. Humility is knowing that God knows every single thing about us, warts and all, and loves us. It is knowing that we have nothing to boast about to anybody, except as St. Paul wrote “May I never boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, through which the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world.” (Gal. 6:14)

You are modest now not because you are a “better kind of person than the kind who would do that” but because you have grown in your understanding of how to give glory to God in your body. Be humble about what you are now and what you have been, and don’t worry about your past becoming common knowledge. You did what you did then and now you do better. Praise the Lord!
 
I am not sure why you think your ex-boyfriend’s mother is going to show photos of her son’s ex girlfriend to people you had never met when you were going out with him… 🤨

Let it go without contacting her. That was then, and you are who you are now.
 
You’re not morally responsible for other people’s actions. You are only responsible for what is within your ability to control. Anything you did in the past that may have been inappropriate can be confessed and then it is forgiven.
 
If they are the kind of photos that your ex’s mom would have of you, the chances are that there’s nothing in them that is that big of a deal. If all we’re talking about is a skirt that is a little shorter than you would wear now, for example, I’d just forget about it and move on. If you’re wearing some kind of a Rocky Horror Show costume or something and it really bothers you, I guess you could ask her to delete/destroy them.
 
I wouldn’t worry, OP. The past is the past and I believe you’re over thinking this. As the other ladies here have said: If it’s the kind of pics of his girlfriend a boy would share with his mother; that’s pretty vanilla.

I know I wouldn’t show my Mom really racy pics of my girlfriend.
 
I think what’s confusing to people is that your ex’s mom showing photos of you? Was this at a family celebration of some kind and you are in the photos? Family get together, a graduation, a bbq?

I think you can bring this to confession, plus perhaps showing younger girls that it’s ok to wear immodest clothing choices, being a bad example.
Then you live with the consequences. Good lesson learned and you now have some wisdom to share with other young women.
 
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