Am I selfish?

  • Thread starter Thread starter ALM531
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
A

ALM531

Guest
I have had another thread in the prayer intentions for quite some time. When I was 18 or so weeks pregnant, I was told best case scenario, my son would be born with major heart defects among other defects, and worst case scenario, he would be born with a genetic disorder that would not allow him to live outside my womb. So I prayed. My son is now three and a half months old and doing amazing. He’s had two heart surgeries, numerous other procedures, and went into cardiac arrest twice and needed ressucitated, but looking at him, you’d never know.

In the midst of all of this, my boyfriend (my son’s father) had been absolutely amazing. We had been together for a few years and always talked about raising a family together. He was so supportive in every way imaginable. After birth, my son was in the hospital for six weeks. During week five, my boyfriend broke up with me. Days after talking about buying a house and having more children. I have no idea where this came from. His family has no idea where this came from. He stopped talking to me and his family both and barely asks me about our son.

I am so devastated. Most of the time I am so busy caring for our son that I forget to feel sorry for myself. But the truth is, I do. And I feel so selfish praying that he sees the error of his ways and comes back to us, his family. Especially when my son has been through so much, and is still going through so much, and such a huge prayer has been answered for me. Is it selfish to pray for something that seems so frivolous now? God has given me my son’s life!!! And I am crying and praying because a man walked out of our lives?
 
I am terribly sorry for everything. It is NEVER selfish to pray. However, the really important part in praying that is often forgotten (including me) is ‘Thy will not mine be done’ and to listen to God’s voice.

Pray but also try and hear what God is saying. I know it hurts that your son’s father has walked out. God will take care you. However, that does not mean this man will come back.

But again, keep praying
 
No. Your family is not a frivolous matter by any means. Besides, there’s nothing wrong with praying for little things in your daily life anyway. God understands those things as well.
 
No, it’s not selfish of you and it’s not a frivolous desire, but at the same time, the chances of him coming back and staying are very small.

A lot of fathers (even married fathers) don’t do well with special needs situations. I would suggest doing some research on fathers and special needs and you might even want to share some of your findings with your ex-boyfriend if you find something that strikes you as particularly relevant. Your ex-boyfriend probably feels like he is the only person he knows that has ever gone through this sort of situation with a child with health problems, and it might help him to know that he is not alone, and a lot of parents (mothers and fathers) struggle with a special needs diagnosis.

Keep updating him on the baby’s progress (without being manipulative about it) and invite him to major events (like the baby’s birthdays). But at the same time, go ahead and pursue a child support order for your baby–you’re going to need every dime you can get.

Best wishes!
 
If you feel bad for praying this way, maybe God is trying to open your eyes to something so much greater in your life. Something beyond anything you could come up with.

Please pray for peace and hope; but by no means feel bad or silly praying for little things - never feel bad about prayer - just keep your ear open for that still small voice.

You might find some comfort in “Job” - I didn’t for many years - but some people do.
Better maybe “Ruth”. There’s a not half bad movie called The Book of Ruth out on Netflix if you don’t feel like reading the book. I liked the book.

I will pray for you too.
Will you pray for me? I’m 7 months pregnant at age 42 following a horrific miscarriage (last year) and I am SO exhausted and sick feeling. They still haven’t gotten a complete sonogram of the baby because he “won’t present” so we’re still in limbo about some stuff.
Anyway, if you don’t wanna pray for me - find someone else you do wanna pray for.
Nothing brings peace like praying for others.
 
Of course I will pray for you. I know the “limbo” feeling in pregnancy all too well, and it is exhausting in itself. Have you heard of the 54 day Rosary Novena? I prayed it while I was pregnant. Not only were my prayers answered, but I have never felt so close to God and cared for by Mother Mary <3
 
I am sorry to hear of this trouble in your life. I have seen others, including relatives go through this. Let the boyfriend go. He has shown his true colors and you do not now, nor will you in the future need this brand of grief in your life. They simply do not “come to see the error of their ways.”

Continue in your commitment to care for your son, love him with all your heart and waste no more time on is father. Others may find this harsh, and I am sorry, really for your pain, but the history of others I know tells me this. One of my own cousins had this kind of trouble, though she was married.

What was sad is she had 4 boys, and when one of them became critically ill her husband never spent even 10 minutes in the hospital with her and his son. It took over 20 years for her to finally leave, and her hubby is no different now, except with being perhaps meaner than ever. Let God heal your heart with the love you have for your son. He deserves better for a father.
 
ALM531 said:
…
I am so devastated. Most of the time I am so busy caring for our son that I forget to feel sorry for myself. But the truth is, I do. And I feel so selfish praying that he sees the error of his ways and comes back to us, his family. Especially when my son has been through so much, and is still going through so much, and such a huge prayer has been answered for me. Is it selfish to pray for something that seems so frivolous now? God has given me my son’s life!!! And I am crying and praying because a man walked out of our lives?
Click to expand...
He is the father of your son, and he abandoned you both. You are not selfish.
 
It may well be that he is just overwhelmed by the situation at the moment and needs a little time to sort it all out. Hoping that is the case, but if not, he still would have legal obligations and at the appropriate time you must pursue that for your sake and that of your son.
 
Some men are an embarrassment to their gender. However, do not concentrate on him except pray that he may be forgiven both by you and the Lord for his cowardly failure. Sometimes things are too hard, but that is no excuse.
Think more on addressing your child’s needs and the time you have with him. Medicine can do amazing things.
You have shown your strength and it is allowable to grieve at the loss of one you relied upon. This is by no means selfish in praying for that support back. God’s will is not always the plain solution we are looking for.
Easy to say these things away from the pressures on you at the moment. But take joy in playing with your miracle. There isn’t some rule that says you only get one a year so keep praying, especially to our Blessed Mother. Ask her for a St. Joseph.
 
I was just doing a search for “special needs dads” on Amazon and one title that looked promising is “Dads of Disability.” It’s a collection of dads’ stories about their experiences parenting disabled children. I haven’t read it, but the reviews look great.

Your financial situation is probably pretty tight, but it might be a good investment to send your ex-boyfriend that or some similar book for Father’s Day.

Best wishes!
 
I am Catholic. He is not. We did plan getting married. I feel so foolish, ashamed, embarrassed, and abandoned.
 
i wish i had good advice for you. pray and listen to God. partake of the sacraments of reconciliation and the Eucharist. brighter days will come, even if it does not seem so now. i will pray for you. are your parents involved?
 
Yes. My parents and his parents are both involved. Jayce is the light of all our lives. My boyfriend and his father were best friends and I’ve never seen a closer bond between two people. His father expressed to Kyle he was raised better than how he was showing himself to myself and our son and urged him to reconsider and to seek help and he has since cut off communication with his father. I’m happily to have the love and support of his family who accept me as their own daughter but also feel terrible for the broken bond between him and his own father
 
ALM531 said:
Of course I will pray for you. I know the “limbo” feeling in pregnancy all too well, and it is exhausting in itself. Have you heard of the 54 day Rosary Novena? I prayed it while I was pregnant. Not only were my prayers answered, but I have never felt so close to God and cared for by Mother Mary <3
Click to expand...
No. I have not heard of that one. Thank you for sharing! I will have to give it a go.
Thanks, Peace & Blessings
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top