Am I sinning by not telling?

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I need some help with this one. If I know that someone is not in the state of grace (having commented a mortal sin) what is my responsibility toward telling them? I mean if they go to Mass a few times a year, have had an affair outside their marriage, and take communion when they do go that few times a year. Am I sinning by not telling them?
Thank you so much. :hmmm:
 
I’m confused about your question. Are you asking whether it would be appropriate to point out to an individual that receiving the Eucharist in a state of mortal sin is wrong? If yes, then yes! Sometimes people just don’t get it and need to be informed.
 
It depends on what you think might happen if you do tell them. If you think it makes a difference whether you tell them or not, and there’s nobody else to do it, then your Christian duty is to tell them, or else you would be guilty of a sin of omission.

Otherwise, if by telling this person would just aggravate things, then there is no sin, and all you can do is pray for that person.

Of course, there are different ways of setting forward your point. If you try to be as tactful as possible you may be successful.

In Christ,

The Augustinian
 
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mrsjackson:
If I know that someone is not in the state of grace (having commented a mortal sin) what is my responsibility toward telling them?
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This better be someone REALLY close to you to make statements so assuredly about their state of grace. I might ask how are you so sure the person hasn’t gone and made a good confession to a priest and been forgiven his sin. Even my wife doesn’t know when I go to confession all the time. Usually she does, but not always. Just for the argument sake I’ll give that you’re sure. If the person is intimately close to you, spouse, brother child, you should at least talk to them about confession, perhaps suggest going with them, or asking them to take you so you can go, and oh, by the way while you’re here…
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mrsjackson:
I mean if they go to Mass a few times a year, have had an affair outside their marriage, and take communion when they do go that few times a year. Am I sinning by not telling them?
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Several people have fallen away from the Sacrament of penance; sadly, you might want to nudge your loved one in that direction.
 
Is this hypothetical sinner a child living in your home? A spouse? Are you a catechist or someone with the duty to instruct others in the faith and Christian morality? Are you a priest giving spiritual direction or hearing confession? Do you have some specific responsibility for the state of this person’s soul? Is this person asking for some word or action on your part that would constitute complicity with his sin? I am trying to imagine a situation that would warrant you being charged with informing someone else that they are committing a sin, and assuming on yourself the guilt for it, and this is all I can come up with. Time for all of us to take a log test and look for the beams in our own eyes instead of the motes in others’ eyes.
 
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mrsjackson:
I need some help with this one. If I know that someone is not in the state of grace (having commented a mortal sin) what is my responsibility toward telling them? I mean if they go to Mass a few times a year, have had an affair outside their marriage, and take communion when they do go that few times a year. Am I sinning by not telling them?
Thank you so much. :hmmm:
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All Christians have the moral duty, out of love to, “admonish the sinner”. It would be sinful on your part if you allow them to continue in actions that are sinful and harmful to them or others, if there was something that you could have done about it. It would be a sin of omission.
 
wow, we’re all over the board on this one, aren’t we? 🙂

i would suggest that the question might be shifted from one of ‘is it a sin if i don’t tell them?’ to ‘how can i love my brother best?’

probably the least effective, and most abrasive, form of communication from one christian to another is when one person thinks he ‘should go tell them’ so and so, and that they’re obliged to do so. both parties usually feel very uncomfortable with the conversation, and it usually ends in pushing the latter party away. i’ve seen this dozens of times in ‘evangelical opportunities’.

i would suggest this: if your concern for your friend’s spiritual state warrants your action, then find a time, convenient to both of you, and casually discuss the requirements for reception of the eucharist. simply informing the person of the church’s position is usually all that’s needed, and avoids making it a ‘personal issue’ or ‘attack.’

i know i would personally prefer for someone to use this approach if they thought i was doing something untoward. and so, using the golden rule… 🙂
 
Hi All,

Good post. I see there are many varying ideas about this one.

Let me quote some of the good ol’ Magesterium for you…because I’ve asked similar questions before, I decided to look to the source 😃 :

CCC 1868:
"Sin is a personal act. Moreover, we have a responsibility for the sins commited by others when we cooperate in them:
  • By participating directly and voluntarily in them;
  • by ordering, advising, praising, or approving them;
  • by not disclosing or not hindering them when we have an obligation to do so;
  • by protecting evil-doers"
Some people have an objection to the straight-forwardness of this passage, maybe saying following the letter of it is not really “pastoral”, or gentle. To that I say that all actions must be caried out in love (Having been around my share of clanging cymbals, if you catch my meaning…1 Cor 13). But here is a good quote about what it REALLY means to be “pastoral” from our Holy Father PJP II:

From Theology of the Body, p. 392:

“Pastoral concern means the search for the one true good of man, a promotion of the values engraved in his person by God. That is, it means observing that rule of understanding which is directed to the ever clearer discovery of God’s plan for human love, in the certitude that the only true good of the human person consists in fulfilling this devine plan.”

In other words: If you really care about someone, you will tell them they are in sin, because if you don’t, they may never find the narrow path, where we find our true meaning and purpose in the plan of God. 👍

God Bless!
 
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Columba:
Hi All,

Good post. I see there are many varying ideas about this one.

Let me quote some of the good ol’ Magesterium for you…because I’ve asked similar questions before, I decided to look to the source 😃 :

CCC 1868:
"Sin is a personal act. Moreover, we have a responsibility for the sins commited by others when we cooperate in them:
  • By participating directly and voluntarily in them;
  • by ordering, advising, praising, or approving them;
  • by not disclosing or not hindering them when we have an obligation to do so;
  • by protecting evil-doers"
Some people have an objection to the straight-forwardness of this passage, maybe saying following the letter of it is not really “pastoral”, or gentle. To that I say that all actions must be caried out in love (Having been around my share of clanging cymbals, if you catch my meaning…1 Cor 13). But here is a good quote about what it REALLY means to be “pastoral” from our Holy Father PJP II:

From Theology of the Body, p. 392:

“Pastoral concern means the search for the one true good of man, a promotion of the values engraved in his person by God. That is, it means observing that rule of understanding which is directed to the ever clearer discovery of God’s plan for human love, in the certitude that the only true good of the human person consists in fulfilling this devine plan.”

In other words: If you really care about someone, you will tell them they are in sin, because if you don’t, they may never find the narrow path, where we find our true meaning and purpose in the plan of God. 👍

God Bless!
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Take care you are basing your judgment on the external actions of this person. You see their external actions as sinful. You do not know their internal intent or understanding so you do not know the full extent of their sinfulness.
 
Br. Rich SFO:
Take care you are basing your judgment on the external actions of this person. You see their external actions as sinful. You do not know their internal intent or understanding so you do not know the full extent of their sinfulness.
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So does this mean if someone commits a venial sin or doesn’t know they are commiting sin, the person who may be commiting a sin of omission is commiting less serious sin? (not mortal)
 
Br. Rich SFO:
Take care you are basing your judgment on the external actions of this person. You see their external actions as sinful. You do not know their internal intent or understanding so you do not know the full extent of their sinfulness.
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Dear Br. Rich SFO,

This is a very good point, IMO. It seems to me that if a brother is sinning and doesn’t know it, I should find a way to tell him and then let him be guided by his own conscience. My guess is that Catholics who are having affairs probably already know that is a mortal sin, but of course we don’t know.

This business about judging from external actions is one that has recently come to my attention. Perhaps I should start a new thread, but I’ll at least mention it here. I am pro-life, and have been elected as a Republican precinct person with the backing of conservative pro-life organizations. Still, I am increasingly alarmed at the recent trend toward excommunicating politicians and those who vote for them on their pro-choice political behavior.

To relate this somewhat to the topic at hand, I would think that if it’s my duty to tell a person who is committing adultery they may not be in the state of grace, then if I lived in Sioux Falls, S.D. I’d have to tell anyone who votes for Democrats – whose party platform is pro-choice – what Bishop Robert Carlson there said, “you cannot vote for a politician who is pro-abortion when you have a choice and remain a Catholic in good standing.”

To the original question, I agree with the poster who says you should go based on the expected effects. I would also say before you tell a person they are sinning and may be out of the state of grace, you should pray a lot yourself and examine your own motives to make sure you are only informing the sinner yourself and not judging him.

Alan
 
Still, I am increasingly alarmed at the recent trend toward excommunicating politicians and those who vote for them on their pro-choice political behavior.
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Why are you alarmed? The Bishops have been guilty of not proclaiming the truth for decades. It is about time some of them started standing with Christ.

If you could exchange the term pro choice for people who favor capturing blacks, whipping them and holding them in cages, would that in some way make you feel better about the excommunication for a so called political view?
 
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mrsjackson:
I need some help with this one. If I know that someone is not in the state of grace (having commented a mortal sin) what is my responsibility toward telling them? I mean if they go to Mass a few times a year, have had an affair outside their marriage, and take communion when they do go that few times a year. Am I sinning by not telling them?
Thank you so much. :hmmm:
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To quote Issah, “If I do not point out your sin and you lose your immortal soul, the Lord will hold me accountable.”
 
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Mr.Blank:
So does this mean if someone commits a venial sin or doesn’t know they are commiting sin, the person who may be commiting a sin of omission is commiting less serious sin? (not mortal)
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The opposite is actualy possible. A person may commit a sin (venial or mortal) which they are not culpable for or for which the culpability is lessened due to circumstances. A person who knows of this sin and sees serious consequences but does nothing about it. Could be committing the greater sin. The Sacrament of Reconciliation is the only place this can be worked out for each specific case.
 
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mrsjackson:
I need some help with this one. If I know that someone is not in the state of grace (having commented a mortal sin) what is my responsibility toward telling them? I mean if they go to Mass a few times a year, have had an affair outside their marriage, and take communion when they do go that few times a year. Am I sinning by not telling them?
Thank you so much. :hmmm:
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I have a similar dilemna, my non-catholic mormon leaning sister takes the eucharist at Mass. It surprised me when she got in line with me when I went up for the Eucharist. I didn;t know what to do.
 
Sometimes, when we tell someone about their sin, they come off as the “bad guy”. When I have to tell someone something like this, I usually show them in the bible (1 Cor 11) about taking communion when in mortal sin. It takes the bad guy-ness off me. Kind of like a “I don’t want you to get in trouble with the big guy and so I just wanted to let you know . . .”

This also works when people of other faiths take communion. I show them the other part of 1Cor 11 about taking communion without dieserning the body and blood of the Lord. There’s also a nicely worded blurb in most missalettes regarding this.

Martin
 
hey martin - i like the screenname. what do you call your mom?
 
It is one of the “Spiritual Works of Mercy” to admonish the sinner.
This does not mean finger pointing in an accusatory way.
It is at the heart of “spreading the Gospel.” What is the Gospel message? It is to repent and be saved!
We must be willing to endure a possible negative reaction from the one we “admonish” (in love of course or it loses it’s power).
When one’s spirit is pricked - it hurts.

It is an act of love, an act of mercy to remind or inform another that they are perhaps on the wrong track.
The rest is up to them.
 
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