Am I sinning here?

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capcrack

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I’m a catholic revert.
I’m in a 5.5 year relationship. We were cohabiting for a little less than 4 years, in sin. We realized it was wrong and I moved out and got my own apartment.

Recently, his brother left him to go to college, and did not find a replacement at his apartment. He also left my boyfriend all of his things to clean up. Right after that, he was hit with a mold issue that made him sick and unable to work. With his finances in a mess, he can’t afford to move out, so I let him crash at my place while he was dealing with health and financial issues.

Do here’s the question. Is this cohabitation sinful? We’ve been chaste for over 2 years, and are pretty vigilant about it. We keep physical interaction to a minimum (hugs, holding hands, kissing on cheek). This is temporary, and strictly because his health and well being is at risk.

I haven’t felt the need to bring this to confession yet, but want to be sure I’m not in blatant mortal sin.
 
It sounds like what you have in your current situation is not sin, but the near occasion of sin.
 
Do you feel like this relationship has a future? If you don’t see yourselves getting married in the near future, maybe it’s time to move on.

(That wasn’t your question, but you’ve been together a long time, so it’s a natural question to ask.)
 
I think the question of “is my case of cohabitation OK?” is beyond the capacity of internet strangers to answer. Talk to your priest about it.
 
Xantippe said:
Do you feel like this relationship has a future? If you don’t see yourselves getting married in the near future, maybe it’s time to move on.

(That wasn’t your question, but you’ve been together a long time, so it’s a natural question to ask.)
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We both are aware that the clock is ticking and we have a big decision to make. However, that decision is best made when we are both living separately and both of us in health. Until then, I will be praying daily for discernment on the matter.
 
PartoftheBody said:
It sounds like what you have in your current situation is not sin, but the near occasion of sin.
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Its not the near occasion of sin unless the situation seriously tempts them to engage in sinful behaviour. It sounds like they have managed to keep it under control so far such that they have avoided dangerous and tempting situations, which is great. 👍

The one thing you guys need to be careful of is causing scandal. And by scandal I don’t mean causing gossipy old ladies to start running around saying “can you believe it! I’m so shocked and scandalized!” I mean helping to normalize the idea of cohabitation for others and so, in a way, albeit unintentionally, encouraging them to sin (not everyone can live in the same house without falling into sin, and few enough even bother to try in the first place). Now, from what you’ve said so far it sounds like you have a real and serious reason for your boyfriend to live with you temporarily. My only question is if this is the only place that is feasible for him to live at the moment. Does he have any other friends or family that might be able to take him in? If this really is the only feasible option, then you can’t really help it. All you can do is try to lessen the scandal by letting others know that you two are not sleeping together. It sounds to me as though the reason for risking scandal is serious enough to justify any chance that scandal may occur, though, you are still required to do what you can to lessen the scandal (let others know you aren’t sleeping together etc)

I would also talk to a good priest about the situation. Maybe he will have some ideas you guys haven’t thought of, and, if not, he will probably be able to put your minds at ease more than us anonymous internet users. 🙂
 
“We both are aware that the clock is ticking and we have a big decision to make. However, that decision is best made when we are both living separately and both of us in health. Until then, I will be praying daily for discernment on the matter.”

That sounds very prudent of you.

Best wishes!
 
capcrack said:
I’m a catholic revert.
I’m in a 5.5 year relationship. We were cohabiting for a little less than 4 years, in sin. We realized it was wrong and I moved out and got my own apartment.

Recently, his brother left him to go to college, and did not find a replacement at his apartment. He also left my boyfriend all of his things to clean up. Right after that, he was hit with a mold issue that made him sick and unable to work. With his finances in a mess, he can’t afford to move out, so I let him crash at my place while he was dealing with health and financial issues.

Do here’s the question. Is this cohabitation sinful? We’ve been chaste for over 2 years, and are pretty vigilant about it. We keep physical interaction to a minimum (hugs, holding hands, kissing on cheek). This is temporary, and strictly because his health and well being is at risk.

I haven’t felt the need to bring this to confession yet, but want to be sure I’m not in blatant mortal sin.
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Did you go to confession regarding your cohabiting in sin? If not you are still in mortal sin.
 
onmyknees said:
Did you go to confession regarding your cohabiting in sin? If not you are still in mortal sin.
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Edited because I misread. 🙂
I took 16 years of mortal sins to the priest, including the cohabitation. Thanks!
 
thewanderer said:
Its not the near occasion of sin unless the situation seriously tempts them to engage in sinful behaviour. It sounds like they have managed to keep it under control so far such that they have avoided dangerous and tempting situations, which is great. 👍

The one thing you guys need to be careful of is causing scandal. And by scandal I don’t mean causing gossipy old ladies to start running around saying “can you believe it! I’m so shocked and scandalized!” I mean helping to normalize the idea of cohabitation for others and so, in a way, albeit unintentionally, encouraging them to sin (not everyone can live in the same house without falling into sin, and few enough even bother to try in the first place). Now, from what you’ve said so far it sounds like you have a real and serious reason for your boyfriend to live with you temporarily. My only question is if this is the only place that is feasible for him to live at the moment. Does he have any other friends or family that might be able to take him in? If this really is the only feasible option, then you can’t really help it. All you can do is try to lessen the scandal by letting others know that you two are not sleeping together. It sounds to me as though the reason for risking scandal is serious enough to justify any chance that scandal may occur, though, you are still required to do what you can to lessen the scandal (let others know you aren’t sleeping together etc)

I would also talk to a good priest about the situation. Maybe he will have some ideas you guys haven’t thought of, and, if not, he will probably be able to put your minds at ease more than us anonymous internet users. 🙂
Click to expand...
Thanks!
I haven’t told anyone that he’s living at my place. I told a family member that he was staying at my place to take care of my cat as I was away on vacation (which was true). To everyone else, we are seperated.
 
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