- It’s ok to be “different” during the wonderful holiday season, but please don’t get the idea that you are “superior” to the rest of us who love the hustle and bustle, who eat too much, spend too much, laugh and cry too much, and sleep too little. You’re just different, not better. Take a really hard, honest, searching look at why you are doing what you are doing, and make sure it isn’t because of some cynical “They’re so foolish and I’m not” attitude.
I’m sorry if you got the impression that I somehow feel “superior” to others. Trust me, I don’t. Quite the opposite, in fact. I feel vastly inferior when others look down on me because I don’t subscribe to the modern views of how “the holidays” should be.
I don’t like turkey, and I’m very gluten sensitive, so the traditional American holiday meals are a no-go for me. The few times I’ve suggested different meals to friends and family have been met with less than enthusiastic responses. The only person who eats the gluten-free dessert I bring (usually a flourless chocolate torte) is me. Noone else will try it because it’s not “traditional”.
As for the shopping, I don’t understand the idea of getting something for every single person I know, just to get them something. First, I don’t have the money. Second, it seems like it’s better to give a generic gift to everyone you know than to try to give a meaningful gift to those most important to you. I just can’t do that - spend money on something someone else probably doesn’t need or want. I hate to sound ungrateful, but I don’t need yet another scarf/hat/glove set, nor do I need yet another cute coffee mug (I don’t drink coffee or tea or cocoa); and people get hurt feelings when I donate something they’ve given to me.
Maybe I do think people are foolish because I just don’t understand why people (at least some that I know) rush around, try to find the “perfect gift” for everyone, spend a lot of time and energy on creating “the perfect meal” when it’s over in less than an hour, AND THEN COMPLAIN ABOUT IT! My attitude is that life is too short to deliberately add stress to your life. The only year I have hosted Christmas dinner, my family complained because I didn’t serve a “traditional” meal, it wasn’t elaborate enough, I didn’t have formal “Christmas-y” table linens, we used disposable plates and plasticware, and my home wasn’t decorated “enough”. I thought everything was great and stress-free, but my offers to host since have been turned down.
- Are you like this all year, or just at during the holidays? If you are happy and outgoing during the rest of the year, please be careful to discern whether something has happened in your past that has made you withdraw from society during a time when everyone else is getting out of the house to volunteer at charitable events, sing in choirs, ride sleighs, go ice skating, and most of all, participate in joyous celebrations with family and friends. It is not healthy for you to suppress past tragedies. Get some counselling.
I guess I am like this all year. No past trageies other than the one time I hosted, and even that wasn’t really any sort of tragedy. I do, however, acknowledge that I have an anxiety disorder, which is well-controlled most of the time. But when others try to force certain things on me, like all of the holiday hubbub, I have to retreat from it or take medication - or both - in order to be civil instead of a stressed-out monster.
I do enjoy volunteering, singing in the choir (sometimes), going skating, etc., but I do those things throughout the year. I don’t try to cram it all into the space of a month or two, nor do I feel the need to do these things jst because it’s “the holidays”. I enjoy getting together with friends and family throughout the year, but it seems that everyone feels obligated to take on so much just because it’s Thanksgiving and/or Christmas. It’s like there is some cultural ideal of what “the holidays” should be like that everyone tries to live up to, and I’ve stopped trying to live up to it because doing so causes too much added pressure, stress and anxiety for me.
- No matter how you choose to celebrate giving thanks at the end of the harvest, and celebrating the various feast days in December, especially Jesus’ birthday, please don’t become a misanthrope. You probably do more good for mankind by praying for us than many of us do with all our busy-ness. That’s good, and I’m thankful for you! But don’t become closed off from mankind, hide away from them, and grow estranged from them. Christ loved us so much that He became one of us. We should not despise our fellow human beings. Find someone to enjoy Christian fellowship with during the holidays. Upon reading this thread, you can see that there are plenty of people who share your approach to the holidays–find them in your real life and be with them.
I’m a misanthrope just because I choose not to like all the things that others do? I may prefer the less noisy and chaotic (and less crowded) atmosphere of the chapel during Christmas (and Easter), but I pray for those who go to Mass only once or twice a year, that this will be the year they decide to give themselves more fully to God and start attending Mass regularly. I am thankful that Jesus came to live among us two thousand years ago, blessed and grateful that He is present today in the Eucharist, and look forward to His return. I guess I didn’t realize that the fact that I choose to focus on Advent during the month of December and I don’t try to make Christmas out to be some month-long party gives others the impression that I am somehow “closed off” from others and/or that I despise people.
