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UniqueMonique
Guest
I fear I’m objectifying my boyfriend, and I really want to stop— I’m open to any advice people have on this. I have been dating my boyfriend for a few months now, and he is the first man who has ever told me I’m beautiful and expressed affection for me. He makes me feel cherished and safe, and I know it is absolutely sincere. However, I’ve been concerned lately that I’m somehow using him, for the following reasons:
- It seems as if I feel more gratitude and admiration towards how caringly and accommodatingly he treats me, than towards his individual qualities.
- Quite a few of his mannerisms and behaviors— such as his laugh, stiffly goofy way of moving, tendency to ramble, etc.— really kinda tick me off.
They cause me to doubt my affection for him or even feel ambivalent towards him at times. Sometimes, when he looks into my eyes, affirms me, and tells me he loves me, I just feel emotionally numb and unsure of how I feel, but I say it back because I don’t want to hurt him. However, there are times when I genuinely mean these words, as I find some of his other mannerisms and personality traits exceptionally endearing. - In other words, I’m generally very attracted to him, but sometimes it fades.
- Nevertheless, when I’m near him, most of the time, I feel attracted to him. I’ve tried to examine my intentions, and I’ve reached the conclusion that what seems to elicit this response is the sight of his enamored gaze towards me. In other words, knowing that he desires me is what leads me to be aroused.
- In spite of all the struggles I’ve listed above, I still care deeply about him and his wellbeing, and I desire very much that he grow closer to Christ and becomes the person God calls him to be. Seeing him upset or in pain makes me feel very sad and worried. I wish I could say that I rejoice with him too, but I’ve realized that he very scarcely shares with me any joyful news beyond our relationship.
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