“as long as you don’t feel guilty about killing someone, you won’t be depressed afterwards.” I think they have a good point there.
I didn’t feel guilty about killing someone and I was seriously depressed, to the point of suicide, afterwards.
At the time of my abortion I was in a new-age cult and I believed 1) the 12 week old fetus was just a blob of tissue and that abortion was like having a tumor removed and 2) the soul does not enter until after birth. 3) I didn’t think, at the time, I could mourn a blob of tissue I had chosen to remove.
Yet in spite of my beliefs & rationalizations I became very depressed afterwards. I had lost all sense of the value and sacredness of life and devalued even my own life. I felt/thought I was nothing more than skin & bones (a blob of tissue). (
Looking back on it now I think this was true in the sense that through my abortion I had so lost out on grace and was so separtated from God that I was little more than flesh & bones. )
Even though the depression and a suicide attempt happened after the abortion my psychiatrist (I was forced to see one because of the suicide attempt) casually dismissed any relationship to the abortion and instead focused on my coping skills and my feelings about the loss of the relationship with the
father of the child rather than the loss of the child.
I did not grieve the loss of the child until nearly a decade later when I had a miscarriage and found my 12 week old child’s foot in my discharge. It was then that I realized that he/she was a fully human child and not just a ‘blob of tissue’. This allowed me to mourn the loss of the child in miscarriage and the loss of the child in abortion.
From the moment I saw that foot I went from being pro-choice to pro-life. It took still another decade before I returned to the Catholic Church and reconcile with God.