An issue not often discussed, NEED HELP

[Anonomom]

I am so embarassed to talk about this. It is something I never hear/read about. I am a woman, a married women and a mother, struggling with sins of impurity. I am unsure how to handle this, and what to do. I go to confession often, (weekly) and confess my sin of self-abuse, and listening to pornography (via telephone). I pray for grace and strength daily. I understand the beautiful teachings of the church on marriage and sexuality. I want dearly to live it. I go right to the Lord afterwards, in contrition. I love my husband, and he loves me, we have a wonderful relationship and sex life. He somewhat knows of my problem, we talk about it in a round about way, and we both pray about it often. I have read through the 12 steps, everything is so geared toward men. I forgot to mention, that I only seem to struggle with this during pregnancy. When I am not pregnant, I don’t even think about it. I am at a loss. And I feel alone, struggling with a mans problem. Also, I do recieve the Eucharist in between confessions, not having confessed this sin, am I wrong in doing this? I go to mass daily, and do not have the opportunity for confession during the week. Should I not recieve Our Lord? I know I am sinning, I do fight it, I really do, and I fall.

 

[Salmon]

Anonomom,
You may wish to ask Fr. Serpa for his help on this matter.

His profile is easily available on the Ask An Apologist forum. From there, you can e-mail him, or send a private message to him.

Peace in Christ…Salmon

 

[space_ghost]

Anonomom:

I am so embarassed to talk about this. It is something I never hear/read about. I am a woman, a married women and a mother, struggling with sins of impurity. I am unsure how to handle this, and what to do. I go to confession often, (weekly) and confess my sin of self-abuse, and listening to pornography (via telephone). I pray for grace and strength daily. I understand the beautiful teachings of the church on marriage and sexuality. I want dearly to live it. I go right to the Lord afterwards, in contrition. I love my husband, and he loves me, we have a wonderful relationship and sex life. He somewhat knows of my problem, we talk about it in a round about way, and we both pray about it often. I have read through the 12 steps, everything is so geared toward men. I forgot to mention, that I only seem to struggle with this during pregnancy. When I am not pregnant, I don’t even think about it. I am at a loss. And I feel alone, struggling with a mans problem. Also, I do recieve the Eucharist in between confessions, not having confessed this sin, am I wrong in doing this? I go to mass daily, and do not have the opportunity for confession during the week. Should I not recieve Our Lord? I know I am sinning, I do fight it, I really do, and I fall.

Continue to Pray… I wish you peace!

 

[SeanG]

Given that it only happens while you are pregnant, I am led to suspect that this problem has a psychological root, perhaps even a chemical one. Seeking professional help would be advisable.

Seeking the origin of such behavior in the root causes that I suggested above, however, does not tell me one way or the other about your culpability. In order to determine that, you would need to speak with a knowledgable and experienced spiritual counsellor–something that I would also highly recommend.

The question of culpability, of course, relates directly to your ability or inability to receive communion between confessions.

In any case, please know that I will pray for you.

 

[Della]

If this is only a problem for you when you are pregnant, you should talk to your ob/gyn about it. You are probably experiencing an imbalance in your hormones. Physical treatment should be available to help you with a physical problem. God bless you and yours.

 

[Mijoy2]

Just a suggestion I am sure you have already thought of. Can you avoid occasions of this happening? Such as making an effort not to be alone during the times that this becomes convientient.

Preoccupy your mind with other things. When you sense it coming on, occupy yourself. It won’t work all the time, but may work sometimes. It may be a case of breaking of a habit. Disassociating your time alone with the opportunity to do this.

Don’t beat yourself up. You are working on it. God Bless

 

[Pug]

Just to reassure you, there ARE women with sex addictions and sex problems. I swear. It is okay for a woman to go to meetings like SA (like AA, but for sex addicts). There just aren’t Many women with those issues.

That is not to say you have a problem like that! It could be hormonal and should be investigated. The other posters speak well to advise you to see a doctor and a priest.

 

[loyola_rambler]

There does seem to be some kind of insecurity that you’re not facing…so it comes up in a really bizarre way.

Since it’s pregnancy related, the first thing to consider is practicing NFP until you can work through it with a good counselor. I doubt it’s hormonal or physical, but it’s still very real. If you’re not pregnant now, then get help before it happens again. If you are pregnant now, then ask your OBG for a referal to a good counselor.

If you’re listening to porn on the phone, then in your moments of clarity, why don’t you put a block on the phone so you can’t call them? Same for your computer…the other “temptation”. But if you do slip, go to confession. Maybe the more you actually have to say it out loud, the more you’ll get a conscious understanding of what’s prompting it and how often it happens. It’s also going to get your priest to get you talking about what’s happening and you’ll get good counsel and aid from him, too.

Another good habit is to substitute a good habit for a bad one. Whether it’s taking a walk to the park or spending the day volunteering your time, anything positive that breaks the cycle is a good thing to keep you away from your temptations.

Good luck. You can always hang out with us around here. Ours is a Church of sinners, not a museum of saints.

 

[Mfaustina1]

You’ll have alot of people praying for you.

All of the advice already given is excellent and I think you’d do well to follow it. I am a newly “recovering” alcoholic who not long ago was finally able to summon up the determination to quit drinking. BUT, and that’s a mighty BIG BUT…I did NOT do it alone. I could NOT have done it on my own. I had the help of God’s grace and the wonderful recourse to the intercession of the saints. I just want to encourage you to follow the advice already given especially to see your doctor and priest and remove or block access to any porn sites to which you might have recourse. I would add only one thing. In your prayers, ask for the intercession of Saint Maria Goretti. She was very courageous to maintain her purity and became a martyr for it. Read up on her if you are not familiar with her and ask for her help. I bet she’s waiting for you to do just that! God bless you and never, EVER give up! - With the love of Christ, Mfaustina1

 

[Sheen]

I recently finished a book by Bert Ghezzi entitled The Sign of the Cross - Recovering the Power of Ancient Prayer. It is a quick and easy read, but yet is very powerful. I would recommend it to anybody. and especially for anyone who is struggling with a particular weakness that often leads to sin.

When faced with temptation to give in to a weakness, the sign of the cross can be a powerful help:

*…we can use it (making the sign of the cross) to engage the grace of baptism to help us substitute fruit of the Spirit for acts of self-indulgence. We can trace the cross over our body while praying, “Lord, with this sign I strip off my evil tendencies, the residues of my old nature that still cling to me.” Then we can sign ourselves again, praying, “O Holy Spirit, with this cross I put on Christ and ask you to help me behave as he did.” *

(excerpt from the afore-mentioned book)

 

[Scout]

I can honestly say that there are women who deal with this issue, because I am one of those women, and it began when I was pregnant with my first child. However, when I joined the Church this past April, I promised myself I wouldn’t let it happen again because I felt so horrible having to confess those sins at my First Confession. However, it did happen a couple of times since then. Two things that I’ve done to help: Blocks on the phone and the internet. This is very important because you then have much less access to the sin. Second, have a Holy Hour before going to Confession. I have one every week, and go to Confession at least every two weeks. Holy Hours help soften your heart to your sin, and you’re much more able to feel true remorse over your sins. Plus, the forgiveness is that much sweeter.

Above all else, like everyone else has said, pray. And remember that Christ died for this sin just as he died for all the other sins. And he still loves you, and always will. Nothing can take away the love of Christ. Whether or not you completely conquer this sin, God can’t love you any more or any less. His love for you is already immeasurable.

Please feel free to email me if I can be of any help to you.

Scout.

 

[dream_wanderer]

I have a problem with it and I don’t have the excuse of being pregnant. I get distracted easily by good looking men, especially in Church…and I have a perfectly fine husband who is not lacking in any way…

I don’t have a problem with the internet or anythign else…I gave up reading books that deal with this…I don’t even watch romantic chick flicks anymore.

There has been some good advice given here and I’m glad people feel safe enough to be open about it.

 

[Loboto-Me]

Pregnancy brings along many changes to a woman’s body. First of all, the hormones change completely, secondly, the blood flow becomes much greater to sensitive areas. Being engorged with extra blood in these areas will naturally awaken certain desires that are not normally there at other times.

Honestly, I don’t think your problem is psychological at all, except through your hormones. You’ve received excellent advice above that you should consider strongly. Also, grab your husband as often as possible and you both can enjoy this time in your life! What better way than to be able to love each other fully… what a wonderful gift God gives women who bring new life into the world. I have the feeling it’s a little extra that He gives pregnant women as a reward… problem is, it needs to be used by BOTH of you!

I forgot to add…

As for receiving the eucharist between confessions (after having committed the sin of “self-abuse”) I wouldn’t do it. I truly believe you are contrite when receiving, but the more you confess this sin, I feel, the less you will commit it. The more often you go to receive with this sin on your soul, the easier it may become to continue to do so, therefore putting off confession til you have “time”.

 

[Richard_Lamb]

I feel for you. You really need a good spiritual advisor. keep going to confetion. and remmeber an (name removed by moderator)ure thought in itself is not bad, dweling on it and actin it out is…we all ahve our own strugle with sin.

 

[ThyKingdomCome]

I will pray for you. It is good that you can set aside your embarrassment to seek help. Sin loves the shadows, doesn’t it? With the temptations in my life, I have come up with one or two VERY SHORT invocations for God’s help. (Like “Oh Lord, please help me” or “O God come to my assistance, O Lord make haste to help me”) They are short and few, so that they become like a reflex to say - very easy. Then when temptation strikes, if I can say those prayers real quick, before the temptation gets too strong, it helps.

As far the the reception of the eucharist before going to confession: As long as your sin was not a mortal sin, you can still receive the eucharist. In that case, if it were me, I’d receive, since you are contrite as you ask God for forgiveness during mass, and the Eucharist can bestow such grace. I don’t know how serious your sin is. Find a priest who you trust to be “orthodox” and ask his advice on that matter. If this is a mortal sin, you may consider making an appointment for confession ASAP, rather than waiting for the next scheduled one.

God Bless,
TKC

 

[Chaffa55]

Dr. Doug Weiss of the Heart to Heart Counseling Center was a guest on Al Kresta’s radio show yesterday. These folks deal with all manners of sexual addiction, and have many different resources (books, tapes, telephone counseling, etc.). Here is a link to their web site (please don’t be put off by the URL):

sexaddict.com/

I personally was very impressed by Dr. Weiss’ remarks, and this ministry might be a good source of professional help.

 

[tamccrackine]

Wow… It’s uncanny. I was just praying about such a topic. I have even gone so far as to wondering what life would be like had I married this man from my past versus my husband. There is absolutely NOTHING about my husband that should make me think like this. But I find the temptations so difficult to deal with. I gave up looking at porn a few years ago and that’s helped, but I still have these feelings that I can do better than my husband. I’m working on it and I pray earnestly about it, but I can always use more prayers. Thanks for the open forum on this discussion. I think it was God’s way of showing me I’m not alone and we can all pray for each other.

 

[Scout]

I, too, often deal with those feelings of “wonderment”, thinking maybe life would be better if I ended up with someone else, or day-dreaming about someone else. I have a couple of suggestions that might help, and that have helped me in the past.
First, not only pray, but spend time in God’s Word everyday. Even if you just read the Daily Mass scriptures, it is a help. This is how we really get to know God, and the more we know Him, the easier it is to put our selfish natures aside for love of Him.

Second, try to spend some time with your husband. I know this is not always a can-do, especially if you have children. If it’s not possible, just spend a couple of moments telling him those things that you especially love and appreciate about him. And spend time with God telling Him all the things you love about the special gift of the husband He has given you.

I don’t think these fantasies will go away immediately, but they’ll decrease as your gratefulness increases. I’ll say prayers for you during my Holy Hour tomorrow morning.

God Bless.

Scout

 

[Shibboleth]

Satan whispers in our ears when we are the most vulnerable.

It is not uncommon for women to have heightened sexual arousal during pregnancy and other sexual changes.

Luckily Jesus has given us some weapons to combat Satan. Some of those are to help us from not sinning - which we should always strive to do, but Jesus does know that will sin… it is inevitable. He has given us tools to help us through those times also.

It sounds to me like you are doing O.K. for the most part.

If you ever stop feeling guilty about your actions is when you should very much start to worry.

 

[misericordie]

Shibboleth:

Satan whispers in our ears when we are the most vulnerable.

It is not uncommon for women to have heightened sexual arousal during pregnancy and other sexual changes.

Luckily Jesus has given us some weapons to combat Satan. Some of those are to help us from not sinning - which we should always strive to do, but Jesus does know that will sin… it is inevitable. He has given us tools to help us through those times also.

It sounds to me like you are doing O.K. for the most part.

If you ever stop feeling guilty about your actions is when you should very much start to worry.

I agree, well said.