An issue not often discussed

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Anonomom

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Am I alone in this??I am so embarassed to talk about this. It is something I never hear/read about. I am a woman, a married women and a mother, struggling with sins of impurity. I am unsure how to handle this, and what to do. I go to confession often, (weekly) and confess my sin of self-abuse, and listening to pornography (via telephone). I pray for grace and strength daily. I understand the beautiful teachings of the church on marriage and sexuality. I want dearly to live it. I go right to the Lord afterwards, in contrition. I love my husband, and he loves me, we have a wonderful relationship and sex life. He somewhat knows of my problem, we talk about it in a round about way, and we both pray about it often. I have read through the 12 steps, everything is so geared toward men. I forgot to mention, that I only seem to struggle with this during pregnancy. When I am not pregnant, I don’t even think about it. I am at a loss. And I feel alone, struggling with a mans problem. Also, I do recieve the Eucharist in between confessions, not having confessed this sin, am I wrong in doing this? I go to mass daily, and do not have the opportunity for confession during the week. Should I not recieve Our Lord? I know I am sinning, I do fight it, I really do, and I fall.
 
You are courageous to mention this here; I believe that in our culture, saturated as it is with the idea that “purity” is a “problem,” many more women are confronted with opportunities and encouragement to forego this virtue and are indulging in personal impurity than may have been the case in former times. I believe the hormone levels also ramp up during pregnancy, so pure biology may be a factor. Your desire for purity will surely be honored by Our Lord and if you ask his Holy Mother to intercede for you, you might be surprised at the miracles she can obtain.
 
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Anonomom:
Also, I do recieve the Eucharist in between confessions, not having confessed this sin, am I wrong in doing this? I go to mass daily, and do not have the opportunity for confession during the week. Should I not recieve Our Lord? I know I am sinning, I do fight it, I really do, and I fall.
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I am in awe of your courage to bring up this question! God bless you in your struggle!

You should ask your priest about receiving Communion at daily Mass. He is the one who is judging the gravity of your sin and can tell you what to do. If I were you, since you are now in doubt about whether to receive, and none of us here can give you your own personal, definitive answer, I’d wait to receive again until the next confesssion when the priest tells you what to do. It’s only a couple of days, right?

Betsy
 
I’m glad to see someone has posted something on this. I think you also did a good job in keeping it clean and respectful.

In terms of communion, I’m not really sure, and wouldn’t be comfortable providing advice either way. What does your conscience tell you? It seems to me as if you’re really struggling with this, and that there might be something constricting your ability to choose to or not to do this with your own free will. It’s a struggle for a lot of people, and can become habitual. It’s especially telling that you only experience this temptation during times of pregnancy.

A few practical tips, however, on avoiding it:

When the idea pops up, think of Jesus. Or, think of your father. For men, it’s often helpful to think of the Blessed Mother and/or their own mother. It tends to squash impure thoughts.

Usually we have a routine for this, and the temptation hits us hardest at certain parts of the day, in certain locations. If you find yourself bombarded by this and you’re in a certain place, get up. Get yourself a snack. Do something with the kids. Whatever you can do to take your mind off of it, do it.

Should you fall, get up quickly. Don’t let it fester inside of you. A lot of times, when we fall in to guilt, we fall in to despair; we think that we’ll never get out of this mess, and it screws us up in the head. I think this is a wonderful tool of the Enemy, to keep us from breaking through and moving on. Try not to dwell on your impurity, because when it’s on your mind constantly, it’s easy to fall again to temptation.

Lastly, meditate on Psalm 139. What is it that God is trying to say to you through the psalmist? Ask Him for strength and guidance. My guess is, you’ll get it.

I’ll keep you in my prayer intentions!!
 
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mercygate:
… I believe the hormone levels also ramp up during pregnancy, so pure biology may be a factor. …
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Building off this, you need to check with your doctor about the effect the hormones during pregnancy could have on your sexual cravings and if there is a good way (such as nutritional supplements) to reduce them.
 
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mercygate:
I believe the hormone levels also ramp up during pregnancy, so pure biology may be a factor.
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It IS biology. Since this seems to only happen during pregnancy, it is your hormones that sustain your little child that are driving your physical urges. While it still, in my opinoin ONLY, needs confesion, I do not believe it is as large a sin as other with the same behavior. It is after all somewhat uncontrolable.

I would however, try to not make the phone calls. Even if you have to turn the phone off or unplug them and put them away when alone. And you could ask your husband for more “time” with him, when the urges are strongest. I will pray for you!!!

🙂 Lilder
 
Thank you all so much. Your kind words have moved me to tears. Thank you for the prayers too. I will try the suggestions offered here. I do often fall into despair, then I struggle with that. I have researched supplements to help curb sexual desire during pregnancy, seems all I can come up with is that it is normal, especially when carrying boys, b/c of the extra testosterone. I don’t know that I am carrying a boy, but I have quite a few boys, and only a couple of girls, and in retrospect, the desire was stronger during the boys’ pregnancies.

Thank you again.
 
Besides working with your medical doctor, an additional resource you may want to check out is the www.sexaddict.com. This is Christian based sex addiction resource for both genders. I learned of this resource through Catholic radio in an interview with Dr. Doug Weiss who is himself a recovering sex addict. The web page offers written and audio resources and telephone counseling services. God Bless you for your courage and reaching out for assistance. Will pray for you.
 
Dear Anonomom,

How about denying yourself Jesus in the Eucharist when you “fall”?

It seems as if you are a good person and want to be holy so maybe creating a craving for Jesus instead will cure you…

So, you sin like this next time, you shouldn’t receive Jesus in Holy Communion because it *may be a mortal sin. Then do not receive Him until you go to confession…this is bound to make you stop doing the sin, because you’ll miss Jesus and realize more fully that He is so important to you and you do not want to miss out on Him.
I would think that the Rosary would be good for this and the Brown Scapular…

God Bless you!
Shelby Grace
 
I agree fully with the above post!! I have learned of the healing power of denying myself Jesus when I fall. Don’t get me wrong I am not praising his absence, I am praising the desire of my heart to be with Him which is so powerful it reinforces my ability to fight temptation.

Again I urge you to be enrolled in the Brown Scapular adn to pray the Rosary often.
Thinkoften on the life of our greatest mold, Our Lady.

God Bless you.
Fergal
 
Dear Shelby and Fergal, that is a good piece of advise. I think I will give it a try. I do pray the rosary each day, with my husband and children. I also wear a scapular nearly all the time.
 
Mom,

Do you think that coming totally clean with your husband would also create some accountability, in addition to the accountability that weekly confession provides?

You could tell him that you need his help in overcoming this during pregnancy. I am pregnant myself and struggle mightily with mbation during this time. It IS the hormones raging out of control. That is not an excuse, however. I have directly asked my husband to take this seriously and help me as much as possible during this time–that is, make sure that we make love frequently and tell me that I still attract him, even though my body looks bizarre right now! 🙂
Knowing that we are working as a team on this helps tremendously.

Good luck to you and congrats on your pregnancy! I know you will make it through this.
 
Here is something that could help. You mentioned this problem involves the phone… is this a certain number that is being called? If it is you should be able to have that number blocked. Just call the phone company and say you dont want to be able to dial this number. I can remember hearing about women who had to do this so their teens or husbands wouldnt call— Part of battling sin is recognizing what is making you exceptionally weak and then avoiding temptation. It sounds like the phone is tied to temptation making it easy for you to fall. I mean you could go to far as to removing the phone from easiliy accessible areas? Like in my situation we have a convenient phone thats cordless downstairs and a corded one upstairs that I never want to talk on… or maybe putting the phone in a more common area that would make it harder to fall into sin- like if it was in your kids playroom that would make it more challenging to get around psychologically? At any rate- I just wanted to point out that you should look into HOW you are accessing information thats spurring the thoughts and address those temptations.
–Kira
 
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mercygate:
You are courageous to mention this here; I believe that in our culture, saturated as it is with the idea that “purity” is a “problem,” many more women are confronted with opportunities and encouragement to forego this virtue and are indulging in personal impurity than may have been the case in former times. I believe the hormone levels also ramp up during pregnancy, so pure biology may be a factor. Your desire for purity will surely be honored by Our Lord and if you ask his Holy Mother to intercede for you, you might be surprised at the miracles she can obtain.
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I echo your first sentence… and i agree… to Anonomom hang in there, you will be ok, you have the love of God on your side and the fellowship and support of those in these forums… God Bless You…SG
 
Anonomom,

I would agree with the phone advice…remove the device that lets you give in to the temptation of the imagination.

I also think you really need to involve your husband on this matter. He needs to know and share your struggle, and know how to specifically pray for you to be able to endure these temptations. His prayers, like the prayers of all spouses, are powerful before God, and he you need to open yourself to trusting the guidance the Holy Spirit may offer him for you.

I will also say that I am VERY IMPRESSED with the advice you have been given…this is truly a great forum…
 
God bless you. The advice on this forum has been wonderful. I don’t have much to add except my support and a few suggestions.

Talk to your confessor about whether or not to receive communion between confessions. It is not for you to decide. Many times, extenuating circumstances reduce moral responsibility. Your priest can give you a dispensation or not, depending on the guidance of the Holy Spirit in the authority of the Church. My husband was struggling with an addiction, and his priest allowed him to receive along with a scheduled regular confession. My husband received with the blessing of a priest. You should have this blessing also, otherwise I do not think it would be prudent.

I understand being a former addict myself the see-saw between presumption and despair. Always trust, always hope. Do you believe our Sweet Lord has brought you this far just to leave you now? Of course not.

Have you considered placing a BIG picture of Jesus or the Blessed Mother right next to all of the telephones? If it is a cordless, place a big picture in every room. It will help you to remember you are never alone and might help you to remember He sees all.

As woman we can be dramatic. I have found this can work in my favor. When temptations hit really hard, I have been know to roll around on the floor crying out … “I’m dying…I’m dying!”:crying:

You mentioned telephone. I’m assuming there is someone on the other end? Could this also fall under ADULTERY?:hmmm: Something to think about.
 
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Anonomom:
Am I alone in this??I am so embarassed to talk about this. It is something I never hear/read about. I am a woman, a married women and a mother, struggling with sins of impurity. I am unsure how to handle this, and what to do. I go to confession often, (weekly) and confess my sin of self-abuse, and listening to pornography (via telephone). I pray for grace and strength daily. I understand the beautiful teachings of the church on marriage and sexuality. I want dearly to live it. I go right to the Lord afterwards, in contrition. I love my husband, and he loves me, we have a wonderful relationship and sex life. He somewhat knows of my problem, we talk about it in a round about way, and we both pray about it often. I have read through the 12 steps, everything is so geared toward men. I forgot to mention, that I only seem to struggle with this during pregnancy. When I am not pregnant, I don’t even think about it. I am at a loss. And I feel alone, struggling with a mans problem. Also, I do recieve the Eucharist in between confessions, not having confessed this sin, am I wrong in doing this? I go to mass daily, and do not have the opportunity for confession during the week. Should I not recieve Our Lord? I know I am sinning, I do fight it, I really do, and I fall.
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Don’t despair. Some people I know have had this problem, or almost similir. Especially the “self-abuse” aspect. It is important that you pray to Mary, Queen of Purity. Pray the Rosary daily, and use the brown Scapur blessed, and make sure you are officially vested in it by a priest. Maybe you can seek a spiritual director whom you can talk with, but make sure he is a holy priest you can confide in. Habits are very hard to break, and especially if it’s a vice. Maybe you can also pray the prayer to St. Micheal the Archangel which goes: “Saint Micheal the Archangel, defend us in battle, be our protection against the wickedness and the snares of the devil, may God rebuke him we humbly pray, and do thou oh prince of the heavenly host, by the divine power of God cast into hell satan and all the evil spirits who wonder throughout the world seeking the ruin of souls. Amen.” Also, it is important to avoid the near occassion of sin: people, places, and things that may lead to sin.
May the Blessed Mother guide you always in Christ Jesus.
 
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misericordie:
Don’t despair. Some people I know have had this problem, or almost similir. Especially the “self-abuse” aspect. It is important that you pray to Mary, Queen of Purity. Pray the Rosary daily, and use the brown Scapur blessed, and make sure you are officially vested in it by a priest. Maybe you can seek a spiritual director whom you can talk with, but make sure he is a holy priest you can confide in. Habits are very hard to break, and especially if it’s a vice. Maybe you can also pray the prayer to St. Micheal the Archangel which goes: “Saint Micheal the Archangel, defend us in battle, be our protection against the wickedness and the snares of the devil, may God rebuke him we humbly pray, and do thou oh prince of the heavenly host, by the divine power of God cast into hell satan and all the evil spirits who wonder throughout the world seeking the ruin of souls. Amen.” Also, it is important to avoid the near occassion of sin: people, places, and things that may lead to sin.
May the Blessed Mother guide you always in Christ Jesus.
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I wear a blessed Brown Scapular, but what does it mean to be officialy vested in it by a priest?
 
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Anonomom:
Dear Shelby and Fergal, that is a good piece of advise. I think I will give it a try. I do pray the rosary each day, with my husband and children. I also wear a scapular nearly all the time.
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A friend of mine who now is very close to the church and is healed, once told me that when the urge to “sel-abuse” would come to him, he would remove the scapular becaue he did not want to “sin” with it on. However, I am sure if he REFUSED to remove it, the temptation would have left. TRY to ALWAYS have your scapular on! The devil is sooo afraid of it.
 
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