Analyzing a Childhood Memory

[ChildofJMJ]

Hi!

I was praying this morning that I might be a better parent and somehow manage to raise well adjusted children who love Jesus. One thing I tell my kids often is that if mommy or daddy hurt their feelings, scare them or make them sad that it is OK to tell us.

Of course this desire stands in contrast to my own upbringing. And for some reason as I was praying thru all of this a very specific childhood memory came to mind.

I didn’t grow up in church but did go to a bible camp for a few days one year. I was terrified to be with the other children (I was 5 or 6) and so I wandered the hallways and pretended not to feel well so I could get out of the Bible camp.

What I’m curious about is WHY I might have done this. I’m sure it’s related to the trauma of growing up in an abusive home, but I’m curious what elements were at play in that specific situation.

Curious if anyone else has insight or may have had a similar experience.

Charlie

 

[Legend]

Most five and six year olds are used to a certain amount of care and protection from their families. You may have thought of an experience when you wanted your parents. Most abusive parents don’t show off their abuse, and will at least go through the motions of ‘loving their kids’.

Yes, you may not have known the difference between true and false kindness. And, face it, all Kids have some anxiety about being away from home, so the other kids may have made noise, laughed loudly, did something to frighten you.

Empathy sometimes develops late in small children, even abused ones. You probably were thinking of how you were raising your kids. I wouldn’t worry too much…after all, you did tell your kids to discuss things you did that bothered or frightened them.

If they are very troubled, maybe they need counseling. If you keep worrying, and bringing up incidents from your own past, maybe you need counseling. The abuse you endured may have left you worried about your parenting abilities.

In spite of my ‘novel’ this may be just you thinking too hard.

So, God Bless you. And your children!

 

[JanR]

You sound like a good parent. You’re willing to listen to your kids, and you care about how your actions and words affect them. You want them to tell you, and feel safe about telling you. That’s a good thing.

If anything good can come from being abused as a child, it’s learning how NOT to treat one’s kids. Once that lesson is learned, one’s own kids can benefit from it.

 

[CoffeeCatholic]

5-6 is very little to be going to camp all alone. Perhaps you felt scared being away from people you knew. Also - if you were shy at all, that’s another reason to ‘shy’ away from the group. I was a shy child (not with people I knew well of course). Even at extended family holidays where the house was filled with extended relatives, there are photos of me hiding behind a bedroom door and not wanting to come out because I wanted to get out of having to be around a large, busy, loud group of people. Doesn’t have to be trauma related… perhaps just personality related. Either way - raising kids to tell you if their feelings are hurt or are scared is of course, the right way to raise all children.

 

[runningdude]

There are any number of reasons, including simply being too young for a camp experience. Homesickness and separation anxiety are perfectly normal experiences that many go through at a young age and learn to cope with while growing up. If it is still causing you distress as an adult, it may be helpful to discuss it with a counselor.