Anger in Response to Sleep Deprivation

[BLB_Oregon]

Grace offers the opportunity to get to know ourselves and rely on God for grace. It may well be that caring for a severely disabled child when one is sleep deprived is a superhuman feat. I wrote nothing about “not trying hard enough”; I wrote of trying again. Try again and ask for God’s grace to achieve the superhuman feat of living holy lives. Our best human efforts achieve nothing without the grace of God.

I’m not writing this to criticize the op. But he acknowledged that this situation brings him to the point of sinning, and the counselor’s advice seemed to me helpful by trying to address any underlying sin. If it were me, I’d probably have anger issues to deal with in that situation–I might even be irrationally anger at God at the unfairness of my child beautiful being ill. Anger may be a perfectly normal human response, but we are called to rise above our fallen human nature.

Certainly I understand the tendacy to sin–I commit sins everyday. I don’t wish for the op’s cross; I don’t carry my own cross well some days. Yet we are called to pick up our cross, even when we fall. Maybe the op need to look for additional assistance, or pray that God provides him with a “Simon of Cyrene” to help him carry his cross and avoid sin.

I can see your point. I just mean to say that just the fact that a person is extremely tired and emotionally overwrought is reason enough to believe that remedying the punishment on the body or learning coping skills to deal with it will take care of the inappropriate behavior that comes from it. There is no necessary reason to believe that his daily attitude is not his real one, and that what comes out when he’s exhausted and spent is.

If you haven’t been that tired, it is hard to imagine how far your thinking and comprehension can get from the truth under those conditions. There are ways we can learn to cope with being that tired, to better handle those bad moments. Recognizing that it makes you irrational and distorts your view of reality is one of them. I think that’s more likely to remedy the situation than looking for some hidden anger believed to be the trigger of the outburst and trying to address that.

I’m not saying that both aren’t possibilities. I’m saying that the possibility that he is ignoring hidden anger until it explodes cannot be assumed out of hand to be the right one.

 

[Lorarose]

The Church recognizes culpability as a factor in determining the sinfulness of an action.
Certainly sleep deprivation would qualify as a factor.
I don’t necessarily agree that someone that appears to be committing a “sin” while in this mind altered state is culpable - similar to how a mentally ill person is not culpable.

Circumstances do matter - and the best way to help this situation is for the op to figure out a way to provide care for his daughter as well as manage to get sleep for himself.
Can they hire someone to take a shift while they sleep?
Is anyone at the church or in the family willing to volunteer?

It doesn’t sound like he can continue on with the status quo without snapping.

 

[Island_Oak]

We’ve been on the waiting list for a long time and it may be many years before that option is finally available to us. Unfortunately, my daughter is so disabled (like Terri Schiavo) that she actually rates a lower need than intermediate mentally challenged children and adults.

Taking care of her is a function of who has the most energy. My wife is exhausted homeschooling the oldest three, taking care of this one and our one year old who has Downs Syndrome, and now that she is in the first trimester with another child she doesn’t have a lot of energy. For me, I’m a contract worker and I bill 50-60 hours a week and I’m going to school full time.

Thanks to everyone on their wisdom.

Sorry if I’m betraying ignorance here, but what are you waiting for? Why not just hire someone? Looks like your sleep deprivation is here to stay with as many kids and special needs, work and education demands as you have.

Any chance that anger is a reflection of being completely and totally overwhelmed by all you have taken on? Any one of your circumstances (# of kids, multiple kids with special needs, long work hours, f/t education, home-schooling, another pregnancy) would exhaust a typical adult/couple. For some reason you have seen fit to take on more than your share of major life stressors and seem surprised the dam is about to burst. If I was you wife, you’d be visiting me in the Betty Ford Clinic! Ever consider paring down your commitments?

 

[jcfw01]

Sorry if I’m betraying ignorance here, but what are you waiting for? Why not just hire someone?

I would love to but it’s not that simple. Finding a trustworthy, qualified individual to care for a medically fragile, profoundly disabled child outside of a care institution is very difficult.

However, there is a way to help make this happen.
**
Contact Congress TODAY to help pass a bill which will help**** Family Caregivers!**

The Lifespan Respite Care Act would help support, expand and streamline planned and emergency respite, provide recruitment and training, and caregiver training. Respite is the number one need for family caregivers.

  The bill authorizes competitive grants to states through Aging and Disability Resource Centers that make quality respite available and accessible to family caregivers, regardless of age or disability. 

  The House Leadership has pledged to help bring the bill to the floor **during November**.

You can help by taking a few minutes and giving your congressperson a call on this important bill.

Many Thanks!
John