Anger Management

[Through_Him]

What do you do in your church for any anger management classes or discussions?

I sense a lot of anger in our catholics more than in the workplace that i used to work at. I am sort of stressed out about it.

Yesterday a fellow "friend catholic’ kicked me in the back when i was bent over to put some coffee pots away. Well i used to ignore this stuff so i decided to call her today and just find out what was going on with her. The discussion helped iron it out. But i got the feeling she doesn’t want me around anymore.

Otheres have told me don’t upset the apple cart.

Do you continue to bring things to light but if there is physical contact like this what do you do. I know many just go to confession and forget it.

She said she was just giving me a love pat but it was a real kick and almost knocked me over. And she said if i was really mad at me she would slap me real hard and then i could slap her back ok. I said i give me hubby a pat and he hits back hard and itell him he is tapping back too hard so he doesn’t get anymore love pats as he doesn’t control himself. so i am familiar with the excuses.

Anyways i had made a comment about making a change to the mtg and i know it wasn’t a very good as a suggestion that would not go over very well. sooooooo but to kick someone never would have expected it from her. what has happened to sisterhood? That could be a nother thread brotherhood or sisterhood?

Any comments are welcome i see that fellow catholics have a real hard time with change of any kind.

 

[CatholicRaven]

I don’t think it has anything to do with being Catholic, specifically. I’ve seen this type of behavior in plenty of non-Catholic circles, too, unfortunately. I’m a little confused about where this is happening to you, though–at a church meeting, or at work in a mostly Catholic environment, or what?

If it happens again, or anything like it, make sure to tell her immediately to stop, and that you don’t want any more “love pats” or touching of any kind. You might tell her that you want to keep your relationship professional, and simply avoid her when you don’t have any business to discuss. However, you might also need to contact the priest, the meeting leadership, or (if this is at work) whomever in your company handles harassment complaints.

I would keep a written record of where, when, and how these things occur, and by whom, and perhaps include names of any witnesses, and let the leaders, the priest, or management (depending on where this is) know what is going on. This type of behavior could be considered harassment. And you might not be the only person it’s affecting.

It’s a good thing to forgive others, of course, but that doesn’t mean that we must allow them to continue to abuse or disrespect us.

I will pray for your situation to improve.

 

[crenfro]

What do you do in your church for any anger management classes or discussions?

This is a great idea, in my opinion. I’d love a Catholic oriented anger management class or something along those lines in my parish or those parishes I’ve been in previously. Sometimes it seems to me that issues are expressed wrongly with the sin of detraction, but that’s just me and only my opinion.

To me it’s like living an unexamined parish life. I suspect it’s simply human nature plus pride that keeps us all from taking an honest inventory of behaviors, even in our parishes.

What a great question and suggestion. Thank you. I’d like to hear what other parishes do too to charitably solve parish issues.

 

[Sunbreak]

None of the churches I have been to have any formal anger management classes or training. Usually, the pastor is the one to go to for anything that happens in the parish.
What you described is not acceptable behavior. In fact, a kick like this may be considered battery. I would tell this person not to touch you in the future and that if she does you will file charges. That should let her know that you are serious.

 

[Jared2914]

I think that is just your experience. None of the Catholics I know have anger problems. I know some Catholics that have gotten really angry after drinking too much, but it’s the drug, not their normal personality.

 

[sirach2v4]

I think the only anger management program we have is evangelization, in whatever form it occurs in a parish. If you can’t find anything convenient, then read the Bible every day, “religiously.”

I think it’s best to forgive and not to retaliate.

In my experience, I never have to worry about retaliation. The people who have given me or others a bad time get exactly what they deserve, sooner or later. I don’t have to lose any sleep over it. And, I have no reason to gloat when they do get what’s coming to them. I even feel sorry for them.

I know people and am related to people with anger management problems. I try to reduce my contact with them.

You may have time to notice that the angered person acts out towards others, besides you. Someone of them may be in a better situation to deal with the problem immediately. NEVER give anybody a reason to act out towards you.

There may be a problem with a lack of maturity and you just have to let this person learn however they learn, that their conduct is not acceptable. If you don’t have point blank eyewitnesses to what happened, you don’t stand much of a chance of opposing this person.

I know two people who have a sado-masochistic personality, and they lash out at everybody. I try to tell others to forgive them because they can’t control themselves. Both of those people are, incidentally, independently of each other, self-destructing with alcoholism.

 

[LongingSoul]

She said she was just giving me a love pat but it was a real kick and almost knocked me over. And she said if i was really mad at me she would slap me real hard and then i could slap her back ok. I said i give me hubby a pat and he hits back hard and itell him he is tapping back too hard so he doesn’t get anymore love pats as he doesn’t control himself. so i am familiar with the excuses.

This is really quite distressing to read. What is a ‘love pat’? It sounds to me like a behaviour that is open to some real abuse and if I were you, I would abandon the whole practice with everyone and let it be known to others that you will report them to the police if they knock you down or hurt you. Sometimes out of conditioning we learn to make excuses for behaviours that are objectively abusive and you lose appreciation for your own dignity.

God bless.

 

[Through_Him]

Thanks for all your replies I will confront this problem in a humble way and not make excuses.