Anger problem....need advice...

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LaLucia

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I got really angry with my mom and it has been a week since I got angry with her. We were talking on the telephone and I got angry with her because she has ruined my relationship with a lot of my relatives because she speaks badly of me. She has also done that to my two other sisters who are not speaking to her.

I tried calling her today to try to make up with her and tell her I am sorry for getting angry with her. But I fear I will get angry again with her.

It feels so good and peaceful not talking or seeing her because she is so negative and she doesn’t like to own up to the damage she has done to my sisters and myself.
She likes to hang up the telephone on me when I try to explain how wrong she is in being mean to me and my sisters. She has been betraying me for many years and yet I try to be nice to her.

I would like to go to confession to confess my anger with my mom but I feel I need to first clear thinks up with her and tell I am sorry for being angry with her. But I fear another fight will start.

I need advice. Should I go to confession first or should I try to clear things up with my Mom first? If I have to clear things up with my mom I most likely will need another week for me to calm down in my anger. I don’t like getting angry with her. But she knows how to press the right buttons in me.

I don’t feel that I am in God’s grace and I don’t like that feeling either.
I guess I better get the courage to call my mom so I can be in God’s grace after I go to confession.

What do you all advise?
 
Hi LaLucia
May God’s peace come on you. The old anger is one of the hardest problems we have to overcome in our lives. By all means go to confession first if you wish. God’s pardon brings graces to help put situations right and into prospective. When I get angry I try to say I am sorry that I offended the person unconditionally. I do not put forward my views on who was right or wrong mainly because I begin to see that we are looking at things from two different positions and may never come to the same way of thinking. I accept where the person is at and do not challenge their position. Hope this helps cheers geoff
 
1st. Pray then take a deep breath.
2nd. Pray then forgive your mother.
3rd. Pray then go to confession and ask for forgiveness.

I believe satan’s demons pick at each of us to the point that * what* we say to eachother is not from God. We tend to look at the sliver in the other persons eye and try to remove it without ever noticing the beam in our own eye.

We can not make someone else change. But we can change how we react to someone else. The closer I get to God the less angry I seem to be, (I have the same problem with my mom and sisters) they have noticed a change in me. All this will pass away we must remember what is truly important.

May the Lord bless you and keep you safe from all evil.
 
I am so glad I wrote last night asking for help in this forum because I woke up this morning with no anger in my heart towards my mom.

I feel like the darkness of a angry demon has left my soul. My anger is gone. I called my mom as soon as I woke up and just said some nice things to her and I told her I was sorry for bein angry and her and I told her I loved her. She also told be she loved me.

Now my plan is to not let anger towards anybody get in my way of staying in God’s grace.
It doesn’t feel good at all not being in God’s grace.

Now I can go to confession with a clean heart.

I do need to watch out for the anger demon that shows up in me sometimes.

I think next time I have a problem I will just come here and ask for advise because you all really do give me great advice. PEACE, Lucy
 
Be an adult.

What do you do when you have a falling out with a friend? You leave the friendship behind, don’t you?

When you are an independent adult why are you still having a relationship with a woman who raised but now gives you trouble?

Leave your mother behind. Send her a card on Mother’s Day-- that is your only obligation. Cut off the relationship and never talk with her again.

STOP believing she IS your mother. She WAS your mother.

WALK AWAY-- you already know that not talking to her gives you peace. You have the knowledge already, what you don’t have is the will power because you think “my mother” means something once you are grown up and out of the house.
 
(Edited), I wish I could walk away from my mother but the ties are too strong to forget her and leave her in the dust. When my mother dies her funeral will be falling on my lap because my brother has cancer and is dying and my sister has left brain damage.

Yes, my mom is a cranky self-centered, selfish old lady… but I am not the type of person to abandon a parent. My dad wasn’t any better…but I made sure he had a peaceful death in his bed when he died last year at the age of 97yrs.old. If felt good that I did my best for him and I am at peace and don’t feel any guilt or regrets that he died. I didn’t cry for him because I was never really close to him.

I don’t call or visit my mom that often but I do want to leave the door open to communicating with her because I would feel real guilty if she committed suicide. She is mentally ill and I would be devastated if she died that way. She lives alone.

Yes, I do walk away from so-called friends who are just takers and are disrespectful towards me. It is very easy for me to do that.

Yes (Edited) we are supposed to walk away from toxic people but she is my mother and there is no way that I would abandon my mom because the connection between us is too strong.
If my feelings were neutral towards my mom there wouldn’t be any anger towards her.
But deep in my heart I must truly love my mom.

(Edited) There are a lot of people like you in the world and there are a lot of people like me in the world. I have a cousin who walked away from his toxic relatives.

I am sure there were people who read my topic of anger and prayed for me to release that anger… and you know what? People praying for me really helped me in releasing my anger.

I am at peace now because of those people who prayed for me.
Respectfully, Lucy
 
I have asked the moderators to delete my last message because it was Edited by,
Michael Francis.
There was a poster named David who wrote me a negative message on my topic. He was able to immediatly have his post deleted and his name deleted from my final post.

I want everybody who reads this topic that I had already resolved the anger problem with my mom when this man named David advised me to walk away from my mother.
Plus he said some other things. I don’t really know him but I don’t think it is fair that just his post was deleted and not mine. Plus, his name is deleted from my post.

I just want everybody to know that I am very unhappy that I am not able to delete my own post since no moderator has bothered to show up to delete my final post directed to David.

If what I have said in my final post is wrong then I should have my final post deleted.
I truly am sorry that I made the mistake of anwering him in a public manner. I should have sent him a private message.
I have already requested three times to the moderators and still no answer or deletion.
I am truly unhappy with this issue. I have learned that what I write is now written in stone since I don’t have any power to delete my own posts. La Lucia
 
I think it is wonderful that you have no anger in your heart towards your mother. I also understand your reluctance to simply walk away from her; however, I want to share with you my experience with a difficult parent. Perhaps it will help.

My father was not a good father. At the end of his life, he had no one to depend on for help but me. I sometimes felt it was not fair, but I also understood that I had a chance to be the daughter he needed rather than the daughter he thought he wanted. It was difficult work, but I got to see him return to The Church after almost 50 years away from it - and then 10 days later he went home to God.

While I did need to be there for him, I also understood that I needed to be firm with him regarding his behavior. You may need to do the same with your mother. If she suffers from mental illness, this may not be possible - which would suggest that ever trying to explain to her how her behavior negatively impacts your life might be a waste of time.

I hope you will consider getting some support, either from counselors or from your parish community, so that you can feel more comfortable dealing with her. I know it is difficult - and you are in my prayers.
 
Leslie, thank you for your prayers and advice. Yes, I have discussed it with a Parish counselor. She gave me some good advice. I also have a therapist because I do get depressed when my mom makes me angry and I feel like I am going around in a circle with no way out. It is an awful feeling of not being able to find a solution except to stay away from my mom as much as possible but make sure she is okay.

Tomorrow I plan to discuss my problem with one of my favorite priest. He always gives me great advice regarding my mother. He is very understanding of family issues.

I do have parish friends but I don’t like to use them as counselors. I prefer to just enjoy their company.

Thank you again for your prayers and advice. Lucy
 
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