Anger problem?

[CatholicFran]

I have a huge problem in my life. My husband and I are separated and we have a son together. He often needs to be hospitalized when he is sick. My husband and I are trying to work things out and things go well for some time then we have problems that make it seem like it’s impossible that we will ever get back together.
Last night, he had just gotten back from a three day camp with kids he teaches and our son was sick.
The last time he was in hospital, my husband refused to stay with him although it would have been easier as I have other children to look after. I was very very angry at him as this was the third time I would have had to stay in hospital with our son.
I am very stressed at the moment as I have many things going on that are weighing me down.
Anyway, although I was doing my best to look after him at home, he was quite sick, yet my husband left me to it and went to visit a friend for the night(a male friend). I was so angry. He had been away for 3 days and the first thing he wants to do is visit a friend??
Even with a sick baby?
I reacted very badly and said the marriage was over because I could not get over how little he cared about me or our baby. I said he was a selfish pig (thats about the worst thing I called him) and he rang today and I hung up on him. I think I am justified for being angry, but I sometimes feel consumed with anger… I suppose it’s because I felt so hurt that his priorities were not me and our son.
He doesn’t think he’s done anything wrong. I cannot believe he could go out when I needed him.
Is it me? or do I have a good reason to be angry? Have I overreacted? He’s done this a few times before, yet he is mostly a good father. I don’t know how NOT to get angry when I feel that I am justified. I try to pray to God to help me be able to let these things go but I just don’t seem to be able to. Anyone with some advice to share?

 

[shirleytowers]

He showed total disregard for the child and for you and the rest of his family. He abandoned you in a time of need. He can’t deal with it and needs counseling OR is just a total jerk OR maybe mental.

You are right to be mad. Is he a member of the family and a parent or NOT? Check into the biblical injunctions on fathers. They have a duty to their wives and families.

Your marriage isn’t over yet, but your husband sounds like he needs work.

 

[nana3]

I agree with Shirleytowers and he should not have gone knowing that you needed him and his child. My ex brother-in-law reacted the same way. He never took care of his children when my sister was very sick. If he had a day off and she was exhausted and needed help with the children, he would go off and work on old cars which is a hobby for him. They did go to counseling and the counselor told him that he was using the hobby as a means to escape from his father’s duty. He never improved and it got worse. They did separated, or he left my sister, when she was 8 months pregnant with their second child. He was cold and even though he came back and he said he loved her, things never really improved. They were always angry at each other. He never lifted a finger to help in the house or with the children. He never wanted to go to Mass or talk to a priest. They never prayed together, not because there was no time, but because he didn’t want to. She would pray with the kids. They marriage kept getting more in financial ways and there went the marriage. My sister was so angry and had so much anger towards him that the last three years of their marriage their was very little sex and that ruined their marriage.

For some reason, he is now remarried and does everything according to my niece and nephew. He cooks, cleans and does the laundry. He helps make the bed or does it and puts away laundry and has a job just as he did with my sister and did nothing. I remember he use to move the laundry, clean, from the bed and put in on the floor to sleep. I would go over and have to help my sister put laundry away for she also worked full time just as he did. He is getting the phrase which every one says, “payback.” He remarried to a lazy woman and he has to not only do his job, but also work around the house. He also now has a childcare business that his wife wanted him to run and is changing dirty diapers. He never changed one of his children. He continues to have financial problems that he swore would get better once he divorced my sister. He is doing it all. He even called is wife in front of my niece a lazy woman who sits on her butt all day. He also expressed anger at doing it all. Anyway, your husband hopefully will not end your marriage because he feels that he needs to escape and things would be better with another woman. He is being selfish just as my ex BIL was and still is in relation to his kids, but has no choice now and is married to a very controlling woman and does all she says.

I do hope that your husband will realize what he is doing is wrong and not putting his family first. I just hope that you two can work it out for the sake of your whole family and child. I will say that unless he sees that he is running away from his problems, as if they are going away, he will not realize how to improve on them.

I feel for you and will keep you and your husband in my prayers. It is very difficult to make any person see that they are being selfish and inconsiderate. I think if it was me, I would tell him, even though that may not work for it didn’t for my sister. I will say that she read the book by Dr. Schlessinger called 'The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands, and realized why her husband shut down. It was too late for her husband to give her another chance and he still thinks it is all her who had the problem. He also had many faults.

Yes, your anger was very much justified. I would have been angry also.

 

[ReginaNova]

Clearly, you have a right to be upset and even angry. But even with as much provocation as you have, you probably need some help controlling your anger. You say you are “consumed by anger” and you hung up on him the next day. It sounds like you two have some serious issues in your marriage. No matter what happens to your marriage, working on your own anger issues is something you should do for you. You say that you have a son with this husband and other children, which suggests that you have been married before. Two failed or troubled marriages and problems with anger indicate you could use some professional help dealing with how you react to stress in your life.

 

[LeahInancsi]

I can’t say that I agree with ReginaNova. I think you’re justified in being angry, very angry. Calling him a “pig” and hanging up on him are the least of what I might have done in your position.

As for the possibility of two failed marriages, stay away from men until you get the children raised. Apparently, you’re not a real good judge of men.

 

[kevinsgirl]

Anyone with some advice to share?

The only advice I can offer in this situation is to make sure you leave this anger behind you when you enter your son’s hospital room. I do not know the age of your child, but regardless, your son is innocent and he needs you. If he senses that you are angry and he knows his father has not helped with this illness, your son may feel that the fight is his fault. And that is the worst thing a child can feel or be told–that he or she is the reason for mommy and daddy’s problems.

Praying for you,
kevinsgirl

 

[Robaynne]

You are very justified in acting the way you did. You are stressed out worrying about your son who is sick you still have other kids to take care of. What is his problem?, and Why is he not pulling his weight when it comes to his son also not only yours. Was going to spend the night with a friend more important to him than spending that time with his son.

I mean he was away for three days without spending time with his son who is sick and on top of that he goes away for another night. This man is running away from responsibility. And you had every right to get angry. So don’t beat yourself up about this if he does not want to play his part then just leave him. You are not doing this for him but for you son. I know that it is taxing on you but that is all part of been a mother.

And I do not agree with what ReginaNova said. CatholicFran needs support right now and she has every right to be angry with her husband because he is not playing his part as a parent. It has absolutely nothing to do with past relationships. Her son is sick and she needed her husband to support her and be there for their child. The fact that has done this before speaks a thousand words that he cannot deal with these kinds of issues.

But CatholicFran just take it easy get through this right now then sort the rest out later when your son is better. You do not still need to worry about marriage problems when you have a sick son that you need to take care of. I will keep you and your son in my prayers.