Something I am needing to go to Confession concerning is anger and not getting along with my Mother and Step-Father. Things are pretty hectic sometimes. I have been staying with them a bit for a while. And we get on each other’s nerves. I say things sometimes I probably shouldn’t and this is no respecting parents no is it? That’s my situation. So anger to vengence and going to a judge that is just. That’s ok?
Glad you are working with Thomas to navigate your “real life”.
When you are angry, it is because something has been done to you (it is present to your apprehension) by a person, that is contrary to what that person should have done (or not done). Your apprehension of what is justice has been ignored or has been intentionally thwarted (you apprehend that you have either been ignored or have been disrespected). And so you are in a space where there is not the good you thought you should be enjoying, due to the guilt you attribute to this person as injustice. There is sadness, and anger that happen automatically (movements of your appetite for the good you do not have). And anger’s movement is toward vengeance.
If the good you do not now have (due to that person) were something itself “not actually good”, but you only apprehended it as good from your appetite without thinking about what it really is (perhaps your parents kept you from some illicit desire’s fulfillment, because they knew it was really not good, but you hungered for it, then you would still be angry, but your anger was not over some “real injustice” but over some act that impeded your selfishness or sinful desires. To you, “apprehension of good” would be “having something that satisfies the flesh”, rather than “understanding your real being and goal of life”. You still would perceive your parents as disrespecting or ignoring your own understanding of what is good to you, and blocking you from good so perceived. So you would be angry.
In a way, you cannot stop anger. You can only look back at what you wanted and reason about it - was it suitable to where I am going (heaven and union with God), or was the injustice about something that is improper in the first place? If suitable, you could seek justice through some authority (your Pastor, government, etc.), or you could forgive and re-calculate the goodness you will have in this life to not include what was unjustly denied to you. If not suitable, but only the appetite of the flesh, once you repent of that appetite, you can do penance in re-conciliating yourself with your parents (or whomever stood against your appetite’s satisfaction) - you can become friends again because you no longer believe that desire was a good, just, or righteous desire in the first place.
It is pride that keeps us hanging on to anger in the face of a wrong apprehension and appetitive movement toward a union with a false good, not allowing reconciliation.
So, take a close look at the thing you desired in the first place; what are you missing out on due to your parent’s “injustice”? If you keep focusing on what they did, you will remain in anger with no room for forgiveness or any other real resolution. What would justice have looked like, what would you have if they had acted justly in your understanding, and is that situation of “justice” really “good for you”?
