Anger....

[Gospel]

Hello. I am having a problem that I think a good deal many other people have. I have a problem with anger. I was raised in a family whereby my Father was an angry and at times very arrogant person. In part I think I have inherited this personally problem from him, and I think it was exacerbated by the way I was treated growing up. I don’t think that I was abused physically, although there are times now that make me wonder a wee bit. I was abused I think more emotionally than anything else. Don’t take it the wrong way, my Father did not beat me, he told me he loved me, went to my sporting events, took me fishing and what not. He always provided what ever the family needed. However he could never admit he was wrong. I seem to have inherited this also. I have come to the point afterwork that I can admit that I am wrong, but it takes me awhile.

Recently I had an incedent whereby my wife and other people in my family think that I need to seek anger management classes. I have voluntarily gone to counseling with my Preist. However this does not seem to be good enough for my family. They are insisting that I take some kind of secular special classes. This makes me nervouse. I do not want to open my life open to just anybody. A person has to earn my trust to do this. My Preist is a great confessor. He is open, honest and to the point. he does not beat around the bushes and is not afraid to tell me what I need to change. He is also very compassionate. My sessions are always done under the cloak of sacramental confession. I can pour my heart out to him and I trust him. I do not want to go to anykind of secular anger management classes. I would rather continue my counseling with him. He has agreed to meet with me every week for as long as I need to get a handle on this problem.

I know that my family will push me to take these other classes. It angers me to think about this to be honest. I should also add that I am unemployed at the moment, although I may be obtaining a job soon, as I have an interview tomorrow. My point is that I have so much going on in my life now in dealing with being unemployed and trying to find a new job and trying to get a handle on this problem and going to one counseling session, that I feel that pushing me more to go to other classes is to much for me to deal with at this point. I am having a hard enough time admitting that I have a problem, much less taking care of it. Admitting that I have a problem…that is hard for me. I am admitting it, but as a sign of personal weakness this is hard.

As a way to educate myself I have down loaded more than 20 lectures on anger off the net that I have listened to as I work at my part time job. I am also reading up on what anger can do to people and how to control it.

Anyhow I have more to write but this posting is long as it is so I will end it now. Do you think I should take the secular classed or not?

 

[asquared]

the Angry Christian, a small book by Bert Ghezzi addresses this problem and I and others have found it very helpful.

 

[Bennie_P]

Anyhow I have more to write but this posting is long as it is so I will end it now. Do you think I should take the secular classed or not?

I would suggest that you seek out a couple trust worthy men either from a men’s prayer group or other group from church, that you can build some trust with and use as them as accountabilty partners. If there is SJCK group around, you might check it out, or see if there is some sort of support group in your area where you can find other Christian men that might be struggling with the same problem, this way when you are getting ready to blow up you can have others to confide with and not take it out with your family.

Maybe even seek out a Celebrate Recovery Group, that has small groups that have other men dealing with angry issues. Celebrate Recovery is a Christ Centered Recovery Program but is a Protestant program, maybe one of these days we will something for Catholics., here is a link where you see if there is CR in your area and information about what the program is.
celebraterecovery.com/global.shtml
Keep meeting with your preist, my prayers are with you.

 

[nana3]

My husband had a terrible anger problem and is much better now, but he is also on many antidepressants and mood inhancer medications. He had a short fuse. He did attend anger management at the local VA Clinic and I don’t think it helped him at all. I had to go to a couple of the meetings, when the wives were asked to come, and these men have been going to this group for years and still did not have a handle on how to control their anger. They made excuses for their anger and felt they were right. Road rage is one area many of them had in common and would make jokes instead of seeing that behavior was dangerous. There was one couple who the wife was very religious. I did not know what religion they were from, but she told the entire group that until they knew Jesus and really give all their problems to Him, that they would continue with anger. I saw her months later at a Catholic bookstore and she was Catholic. Her husband and mine have gotten better, but they put their anger in God’s hands. The VA did stop the anger group for it was no beneficial. I have heard that they are no much help elsewhere as well.
I would stay with your priest. One time I went to a priest for advise on my husband’s anger and his advise was that my dh needed to be talking to a good holy priest. A priest who would tell him like it was and how he needed to change. I don’t see why this priest you see can’t help. I bet he could help and it be better than any once a month anger group. How often would you be seeing the priest?
My husband’s childhood sounds a lot like yours. His dad still is arrogant and is mean, but gotten better with the anger in his old age. Anger just not only hurts you, but the ones you love. I felt my husband killing my soul everytime he lost it and yelled. I just saw today in a store parking lot a very angry husband yell and scream at his wife for not putting the groceries exactly how he wanted them to be put into his pickup truck. I saw her face. I can tell she was about to cry and at the same time use to this yelling. She looked depressed. How can one be happy with an angry person always yelling at you? I sure was not! I am much happier now that my dh is much better and doesn’t get angry for a little thing.

 

[Gospel]

ThankYou all for your replies, but I still need to know if I am in bounds to say that I do not want to meet with a secular anger managaement program. I think this is more a spiritual problem then anything else. What should I say to my family if they keep pushing me?

 

[nana3]

ThankYou all for your replies, but I still need to know if I am in bounds to say that I do not want to meet with a secular anger managaement program. I think this is more a spiritual problem then anything else. What should I say to my family if they keep pushing me?

If your family really wants you to go to a secular group, I would if they insist. Let them know that you will give it a try. I bet that is all they want from you.

 

[ojmom]

I know that my family will push me to take these other classes. It angers me to think about this to be honest… I am having a hard enough time admitting that I have a problem, much less taking care of it.

Is it safe to say that your family has suffered due to your anger? Maybe they have some right to ask that you do something particular (such as take this class) as a form of restitution? It sounds like the steps you are taking are good and will probably be very helpful. Maybe a ‘secular’ class won’t be helpful to you - but can it really hurt anything other than your pride? In any case, it might be what your family needs as proof that you are in fact admitting that you have a problem, and are willing to do something which makes you uncomfortable to deal with it.