Angry at God, but

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So, I’ve become aware that I have some deep anger at God for many things of which, of course, He is guiltless - for He is ALL GOOD, and (rightly) deserving of all of our love.
More specifically, I’ve know this for ages and ages, but have just become aware that it’s greater anger than I knew.
Yet, as is likely not uncommon, merely understanding and believing this hasn’t helped free me from the anger.

In other words, I realize I have no right to be angry at Him, ever. I know He’s aware of my anger and loves me nonetheless. I realize “He has a lan for me”, etc., but can’t seem to trust in Him to take care of me.
Thus, in my self-pity (and fear) I have concluded that God allows my suffering because I have egregious sin that needs to be expiated and/or have designated me to be a suffering soul, or I’m just bad, etc…
And I hate it. I’m pissed. I’m sick to death. And it’s been a lifetime of it. I’m 51 years old and I want life to hurry up and be over.

FYI:
  1. I would never commit suicide - thanks be to God
  2. I’m usually going to daily mass, and join in the daily rosary before mass - with love and reverence and not to be made “happy”, but rather for the conversion of poor sinners ( though skipped these last two weeks because - I’m tired. Just tired)
  3. Been in therapy & on medication for decades, etc.
  4. Yes, I know many others have gone through this
  5. Yes, I know it can be a sign of predestination of future holiness - doubt I’m in that category
  6. Dark Night of the Soul - yada yada yada
  7. Mother Theresa had similar - yada yada yada - I’m no Mother Theresa
  8. Yes, I thank God everyday & praise Him upon waking (because He DESERVES to be praised - and I realize that’s a fact)
    :point_right:t6: So we can skip all that.
You can here the rage in this rant. Awful. Ugly. Shameful. I know.
I pray for God to remove it. Perhaps He wills it? You know, for my sanctification? Maybe.
My self-pity is so ugly! Sorry. I hate revealing it but there it is for all to see.

Not even sure what I’m asking for. Advice? Prayer? Solutions?
 
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Whenever you suffer, think about how much Christ suffered. Think about His intense suffering in the Garden of Gethsemane, His suffering at His scourging, at His crowning with thorns, His suffering while He carried the cross, and His suffering at His crucifixion. God the Son died that death for us sinners.

“And he said to all: If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me” (Luke 9:23).
 
Focus anger on the one who is really the culprit. The devil causes much suffering and loves doing it.

I have cause to believe this because my peace of mind is shattered when I listen to the news or read the paper.

One thing that really gets me is when a human being is exceedingly cruel to his or her family, kills their own children, brutalizes animals, knifes someone on the street, sets fire to homes and other buildings. When people become monsters, it must be the devil. It is not God.
 
I am certain that the Lord loves you infinitely. Seek a priest you can trust to have a conversation with what you posted above.
 
St Jerome said anger is the door by which all vices enter the soul.
 
I struggle with a lot of the same issues. Unfortunately, I don’t have answers or solutions.
 
My only advices are:
  • resolve your anger towards God, it doesn’t do good to you and your relationship with Him
  • thank every day for your suffering, thank God for allowing it because He has plan for you through that. You don’t have to have smile 24/7, it’s not about that. It’s about accepting God’s plan for you. God doesn’t want harm to you and He cannot cause any evil. When evil/suffering happens it is because God’s allows it for greater good. It is hard to accept but it is possible.
    When I look sincerely with my heart I see that there is no real reason to be mad at God even when there is alot of suffering.
 
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Honestly, I can’t see how anyone would be envious of my circumstances or situation in life, and I doubt very few would want to trade places with me.
 
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