Annulment and marriage questions from non-Catholic

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redapache59

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Me (Baptist) and GF (Catholic) are in the process of an annulment ruling for myself. This has been in process for over two years. I have officially gone through the last step for a ruling (last month) but have been advised that getting that ruling could take up to 8 more additional months! By all accounts of the facts presented, it should be a favorable ruling for us. GF is out of patience….we are not spring chickens and would like to start a family while there is still time. What is the consequence of just getting married in a civil court now? Does that end the process and make a Catholic marriage un-recoverable in the eyes of the church?
Secondary question, she is concerned that we would still have to do more marriage prep after the ruling that will waste even more time. Can we start that now while we wait a ruling so that when it comes down we can just get married? We’ve been a couple for almost 4 years now.
I’m ok to stay the course for a little while longer since the end is in sight but she is about done with it all. Again, we are very certain that the ruling will be in our favor. Even I have to admit this has been beyond ridiculous. I support her decisions but she may be acting rashly considering how important this has been to her.
 
My annulment took four months, so I’m not sure why yours is taking so long. Each Archdiocese works annulments differently.
Getting married civilly before an annulment would put your GF into a state of grave sin. You need to speak to a priest about early marriage prep, but I personally don’t see any reason to postpone it.
Please keep her in a state of Grace. I didn’t understand Catholicism when I married and my wife spent years living with the sin. It wasn’t until we spoke to a priest that I began the annulment process and took RCIA to learn about the Catholic Faith. I learned enough to want to convert.
 
redapache59 said:
By all accounts of the facts presented, it should be a favorable ruling for us.
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While that may be true, nothing is “for sure”. And until you have the ruling in hand, you aren’t free to marry.
redapache59 said:
GF is out of patience….we are not spring chickens and would like to start a family while there is still time.
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It can be difficult to do the right thing, and waiting to determine your freedom to marry and marry validly is the right thing to do.
redapache59 said:
What is the consequence of just getting married in a civil court now?
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It would be invalid and she would cut herself off from the sacramental life by choosing to marry civilly.

Also, having known more than one person who went this route, I don’t advise it. In several cases their marriage is still not valid in the church and in another, their petition was denied.
redapache59 said:
Does that end the process and make a Catholic marriage un-recoverable in the eyes of the church?
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If you receive a declaration of nullity, then the civil marriage could be convalidated.

But if your nullity petition goes the other way— well that presents a whole new set of issues especially if you’ve gone ahead and gotten pregnant.
redapache59 said:
she is concerned that we would still have to do more marriage prep after the ruling that will waste even more time.
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Yes, you will need to complete premarital preparation.

Also, that she (and you?) views premarital preparation as a “waste of time”, and are considering a civil marriage, it seems to me all the more important that you receive it. Maybe you and she are not fully catechized on Catholic marriage.
redapache59 said:
Can we start that now while we wait a ruling so that when it comes down we can just get married?
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That is at e discretion of your pastor. It’s a prudential decision, but in general premarital preparation is for those who are definitely free to marry. Which you aren’t, at the moment.
redapache59 said:
Again, we are very certain that the ruling will be in our favor.
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I hope so. But I know people who were also “very certain” whose nullity petitions were not granted.

So hope for the best outcome but don’t jump the gun.
 
It always puzzles me, when people going through a marriage tribunal (especially this long) have such wrong ideas about seeking Christian marriage.

And why you ask an internet forum, while involved so closely with supposed experts.
 
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Not only will you need a declaration of nullity and marriage prep, but a dispensation.
 
Also want to add that a convalidation has to be requested, it’s not a slam-dunk.
 
Ok, well let’s hope they dont do this and wont have to worry about that.

The dispensation will be necessary, though. And I’m not sure what Bishops think these days, but civilly marrying before being free to marry, and seeking a dispensation may not fly. A Bishop is suppose to be concerned that the marriage will not draw the Catholic away from practicing their faith. So it wouldnt look good, IMO.
 
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Ohhh, right. That got lost in all the details that need to come first. 😉
 
Ammi said:
Apparently its not technically a dispensation, but “permission”. Which is news to me. I always heard it was a dispensation.
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If the non Catholic party is baptized, they need permission for mixed marriage from the bishop.

If the non Catholic party is unbaptized, they need a dispensation from disparity of cult from the bishop.
 
Thanks. I wonder when this changed. The Catholic encyclopedia and Wikipedia call it dispensation.
 
Ammi said:
I wonder when this changed.
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With the 1983 Code of Canon law. In olden times, the marriage of a Catholic with a baptized, non-Catholic was prohibited by what was called an “impeding impediment.” This could be dispensed, and “dispensation” was the proper term to use. Now, there are no longer “impeding impediments”, only “diriment impediments.”

The marriage of Catholics and baptized, non-Catholics is still prohibited but this prohibition, which is not an “impediment” in law, can be relaxed by the proper “permission.”

Dan
 
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