Annulment proceedings and threatening ex-spouse

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Ailina

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Has anyone ever had an ex-spouse who threatened to make the annulment process very difficult? Mine has threatened to do all he can to make sure an annulment is not granted. He said if I do as he says, which is return some incriminating evidence of marital misconduct, he “will cooperate with the annulment process”, according to an email he sent today.

Why would he cooperate when he has the vital imformation back in his possession, and I have nothing to back up my annulment interview statements? I am thinking I should forward the email to the Tribunal, since it will give them an insight into his character. I have not responded to it personally, but will be also be forwarding it to my divorce lawyer. He is also threatening to sue me for going ahead with this.
 
Ailina said:
Has anyone ever had an ex-spouse who threatened to make the annulment process very difficult? Mine has threatened to do all he can to make sure an annulment is not granted. He said if I do as he says, which is return some incriminating evidence of marital misconduct, he “will cooperate with the annulment process”, according to an email he sent today.

Why would he cooperate when he has the vital imformation back in his possession, and I have nothing to back up my annulment interview statements? I am thinking I should forward the email to the Tribunal, since it will give them an insight into his character. I have not responded to it personally, but will be also be forwarding it to my divorce lawyer. He is also threatening to sue me for going ahead with this.
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Threatening to sue you for what? How ridiculous of him. He sounds like a bully.

Under no circumstances give him the “evidence”. I cannot tell you if it is a good idea or not to forward his email to the Tribunal; I have never been through the process, except years ago when I wrote a statement for a friend in the process of an annulment. But, I imagine there is someone you can ask about that. It sounds to me as if he is doing an excellent job of proving that he is, at the very least, grossly immature.

I will keep you in my prayers.

Blessings!
 
Ailina said:
Has anyone ever had an ex-spouse who threatened to make the annulment process very difficult? Mine has threatened to do all he can to make sure an annulment is not granted. He said if I do as he says, which is return some incriminating evidence of marital misconduct, he “will cooperate with the annulment process”, according to an email he sent today.

Why would he cooperate when he has the vital imformation back in his possession, and I have nothing to back up my annulment interview statements? I am thinking I should forward the email to the Tribunal, since it will give them an insight into his character. I have not responded to it personally, but will be also be forwarding it to my divorce lawyer. He is also threatening to sue me for going ahead with this.
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yes by all means save all communications from him as part of your evidence. we have a similar thread not to long ago from another member asking this question, and others offered their experience. until your divorce is final the tribunal will probably not accept our case, but you should begin getting your list of witnesses and their contact into together now, and marshalling your evidence. bear in mind the grounds for annulment refer to circumstances that pertained at the time of your marriage, not what transpired afterward.
you don’t “give him” anything, that is not how the process works. he will be given the chance in his interview to tell his side of the story, and to provide his witnesses. he needs no (name removed by moderator)ut from you. you should probably ask your divorce lawyer if you should even be communicating with him at all. His threats seem to be about the divorce, not the annulment. see your lawyer ASAP
 
Ailina said:
Has anyone ever had an ex-spouse who threatened to make the annulment process very difficult? Mine has threatened to do all he can to make sure an annulment is not granted. He said if I do as he says, which is return some incriminating evidence of marital misconduct, he “will cooperate with the annulment process”, according to an email he sent today.

Why would he cooperate when he has the vital imformation back in his possession, and I have nothing to back up my annulment interview statements? I am thinking I should forward the email to the Tribunal, since it will give them an insight into his character. I have not responded to it personally, but will be also be forwarding it to my divorce lawyer. He is also threatening to sue me for going ahead with this.
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Make sure you keep the Email. The Tribunal should know of it as well as your civil lawyer. You need have no contact with him, don’t answer the Email or respond except as advised by your lawyers.
 
Do not respond to him. Handle all communication via your lawyer. Turn over everything to your lawyer and the tribunal.

Your ex doens’t have it all going on in the brains department if he **emailed **you his blackmail note. Good grief!
 
His cooperation isn’t necessay, nor does it particularly speed up the annulment process.

The Tribunal has seen his type many times before.

Don’t let it upset you.

:hug1:
 
Yes, this happens all the time. The others are correct. Hope it goes well.
 
Ailina, your ex-spouse is used to being in control and what you are seeing is his rage at losing that control. Save your evidence and yes save the threatening email. Rest assured that both civil courts and the tribunal are living in the same reality that you are living in…which is a considerably different reality than your ex.

The advice of letting your lawyer handle all communications is a good one, if that is something that you can afford. That can get really expensive really fast. If that is not within your means, then just make sure that all communication with your ex is through email. I won’t talk to mine on the phone at all except about time-sensitive issues dealing with picking up or dropping off kids. It really does help to have all of his crazy thinking there in the black and white of an email where I can see it for what it is and not feel so threatened by it. Please also know that your ex can make all of the crazy threats and accusations that he wants, and you don’t have to get sucked into it. In answering my ex’s emails, I only respond to the 10% or so of the email that has any substance. I ignore all of the put downs, threats, and untrue accusations. Some emails I don’t even respond to at all. It’s kind of a liberating thing to be able to totally detatch, and it is proving to be a good way of getting him to slowly fade away out of my life.
 
IMHO, it is things like this, as well as many other problems, that go to indicate that the current annulment process of the Catholic Church is seriously defective, if not completely wrong.
 
bobzills said:
IMHO, it is things like this, as well as many other problems, that go to indicate that the current annulment process of the Catholic Church is seriously defective, if not completely wrong.
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And how is a threatening and bullying ex-spouse who has disregarded his marriage vows for a swinger’s lifestyle indicative of a serious problem with the annulment process?
 
This is one reason for getting the assistance of a canon lawyer when initiating the annulment process. It is usually a good idea to wait for a year or more after a difficult divorce before initiating the annulment. Time to let emotions settle and pain and anger to abate.
You may want to withdraw your application for an annulment just to reduce the chance of his throwing a monkey wrench in the works.
Reapply later, you’re probably not in a hurry to remarry just now anyway.

Matthew
 
dulcissima said:
And how is a threatening and bullying ex-spouse who has disregarded his marriage vows for a swinger’s lifestyle indicative of a serious problem with the annulment process?
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Behavior occurring after a valid marriage takes place has no bearing on the validity (or nullity) of the marriage.
 
IrishAm said:
His cooperation isn’t necessay, nor does it particularly speed up the annulment process.

The Tribunal has seen his type many times before.

Don’t let it upset you.

:hug1:
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👍 This is good advice.

Also, as others have told you, don’t communicate with him.That’s why you have an attorney. Make sure the attorney as well as the tribunal knows he did this. To quote Bugs Bunny, your ex falls in the category of “What a maroon!”
 
1holycatholic said:
Behavior occurring after a valid marriage takes place has no bearing on the validity (or nullity) of the marriage.
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This is true. However, it could be that this may be continuing proof of a long term problem. This can be viewed through the lens of whether both people entered into the marriage with the full knowledge of a sacramental marriage.
 
Sheeniac said:
This is true. However, it could be that this may be continuing proof of a long term problem. This can be viewed through the lens of whether both people entered into the marriage with the full knowledge of a sacramental marriage.
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I would think it’s even more important in that there may be some form of a confession in the email.

That he would threaten to collect evidence assumes guilt and his knowledge of such guilt.
 
Tribunals have handled cases without the cooperation of one of the spouses before.

As far as this gentleman “causing trouble” or “successfully blocking the annulment” by lying to the tribunal, I don’t think you have anything to worry about. He just doesn’t sound like an expert in canon law.
 
bobzills said:
IMHO, it is things like this, as well as many other problems, that go to indicate that the current annulment process of the Catholic Church is seriously defective, if not completely wrong.
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This post is completely irrelevant and inappropriate to the topic at hand, which is the behavior of the OP’s spouse and how she should handle it.

Shame on you for using someone’s quandry to beat your dead horse about how “flawed” you believe the Church’s annulment process to be. :mad:
 
1holycatholic said:
Behavior occurring after a valid marriage takes place has no bearing on the validity (or nullity) of the marriage.
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However, behavior that took place after the marriage, when examined together with other evidence and testimony about premarital behavior, can shed a lot of light onto what might have been a problem that existed prior to the marriage and only grew to monstrous proportions afterwards. The more of these “dots” of information one has, the easier it is to connect them and to understand how wrong intentions prior to the marriage snowballed to the point that they could not be ignored.
 
bobzills said:
IMHO, it is things like this, as well as many other problems, that go to indicate that the current annulment process of the Catholic Church is seriously defective, if not completely wrong.
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Yes, well, you are entitled to your opinion. I’m sure God doesn’t expect me to remain in a marriage where my spouse was urging me to join him in his newly chosen lifestyle, one that is clearly not following God’s commandment of Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery. In any case, my ex-spouse left me, not the other way around, after I put my foot down and forced him to choose between that and us, his family. He is completely unrepentent, and sees nothing wrong with his choice.

I have no intentions of marrying again (who would, after what I have been through???). However, I do need to know if I had a valid marriage or not.
 
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