Annulment Question

[MJJean]

Thank you all for the very informative responses. It sounds like we have no option other than annulment… so that inherent inflexibility will most likely lead to us being married outside the church… which is very, very sad.

My ex is truly psychotic (multi-personality, schizophrenic and bipolar)… and I fear for the safety of my fiancee. An inevitable retaliation would bring harassment and defamation in the smoothest situation… and violent episodes in the worst.

Since the Church would insist on contacting my ex directly… I see no way we can go through with the annulment process.

Thanks again.

Considering the situation I am sure the Church would work with you. You aren’t the first person who has come to the Church seeking annulment from a dangerously mentally ill person.

Speak to your fiancee’s priest and see what can be done. If he cannot help you may want to consider speaking to another priest or two, contact the archdiocese tribunal directly, and/or engage the services of a canon lawyer.

From what I understand speaking to my ex he was simply sent a paper stating I was seeking annulment through the Church and given the opportunity to respond in writing or to not participate in the process. The only information on the paper was a case number and case name, which is my maiden name hyphenated with his last name. Nothing identifying my new married name or my location. No reason for seeking annulment was given, either.

If being married in the Church is important to your future wife then it should be important to you. It’ll be worth the wait to do it right. Really, the Church understands situations like yours and the very real danger presented by some ex spouses and the Church will do everything they can to help you.

 

[BettyBoop416]

There is more to consider than just “the desire for a Catholic wedding”. The decision to pursue a marriage in obedience, not only to the Catholic Church, by to Sacred Scripture is not one person’s decision. If faced with the knowledge that I’m subjecting to my fiance, who I proclaim my love to, to commit adultery, and ultimately to mortal sin leading to their condemnation, it may be worth considering. I agree that the OP has no obligation to the Church, but does most certainly to the baptized Catholic perspective spouse.

At the risk of beating a dead horse…

The OP does not believe that he is subjecting his fiancee to mortal sin leading to her condemnation. Without a belief in God, those concepts are meaningless to him. His sole reason for seeking an annulment is to give his fiancee the Catholic wedding she wants.

 

[EasterJoy]

At the risk of beating a dead horse…

The OP does not believe that he is subjecting his fiancee to mortal sin leading to her condemnation. Without a belief in God, those concepts are meaningless to him. His sole reason for seeking an annulment is to give his fiancee the Catholic wedding she wants.

It will at least explain why this is so important, that it is not just jumping through legalistic hoops for his future in-laws.

The main thing, IMHO, is to explain that Catholics consider the Church’s decisions about who is and is not already married and therefore who may or may not marry again without committing bigamy as every bit as binding as any civil authority’s opinion would be on him. Maybe he can’t agree with the concept of mortal sin, but most people do grasp the need for a binding legal concept of bigamy, whether they are religious or not. IOW, there is no reason this cannot make total sense to someone who is outside the religious sphere. If it is not explained that way, it can be hard for a non-religious person to not see this as a big pointless and needlessly-pious hassle.

 

[Rose74]

This type of circumstance is why the church needs to overhaul the process for investigating non-sacramental marriages between non-catholic, unbaptized people. Those marriages can be dissolved and the local tribunals should be given the power to dissolve them without going to Rome. I would hope that changing the process without changing the teaching on marriage is what Pope Francis has in mind.

I agree that sacramental marriages performed by the Church should be subject to more intense scrutiny because the teaching of the church is clear. However, most other denominations do not teach that divorce has no effect on the matrimonial bond. How can a (non-catholic) marriage be valid when most hold that opinion?

 

[Catholic1954]

Thank you all for the very informative responses. It sounds like we have no option other than annulment… so that inherent inflexibility will most likely lead to us being married outside the church… which is very, very sad.

My ex is truly psychotic (multi-personality, schizophrenic and bipolar)… and I fear for the safety of my fiancee. An inevitable retaliation would bring harassment and defamation in the smoothest situation… and violent episodes in the worst.

Since the Church would insist on contacting my ex directly… I see no way we can go through with the annulment process.

Thanks again.

It would be a grave sin for your fiancée to marry you outside of the Church. For her sake, can you not at least make an appointment and attempt to file? The tribunal is no stranger to uncooperative ex spouses and will not intentionally put anyone in danger.

 

[TheWarriorMonk]

Since the Church would insist on contacting my ex directly… I see no way we can go through with the annulment process.

Maybe not. Tell your advocate about the situation, and that you will in no circumstance put your life, your fiancee’s life, and the lives of others involved in this process in danger. They may be able to work around the situation, in particular if you have proof of the mental illness.

 

[MJJean]

Maybe not. Tell your advocate about the situation, and that you will in no circumstance put your life, your fiancee’s life, and the lives of others involved in this process in danger. They may be able to work around the situation, in particular if you have proof of the mental illness.

Proof shouldn’t be hard to get. Police reports and/or counseling records should suffice assuming the ex has been enough of a problem in the past that there are police reports and/or counseling records somewhere.

 

[Joe_5859]

Think about it this way: If you had separated and never pursued a civil divorce, the government would require you to get a civil divorce (or decree of nullity; those exist in civil law, too) before you could marry. It isn’t a matter of being “inflexible” in a negative way. Those who give permission to marry simply have a duty to ensure that they aren’t cooperating in an act of bigamy. The Church has to do the same thing.

Be sure to talk to someone about your specific case, particularly your need to avoid the danger of being contacted by your ex-spouse. It may be that your spouse’s rights in this matter can be ensured without a disclosure of your whereabouts.

I second this 1000%. Before you write off the idea as not being worth the hassle, please talk with your deacon (or your pastor or someone in the diocesan Tribunal office or all three) and lay all your concerns on the table. They have dealt with these types of things before.

Since it would make you sad not to be married within the Catholic Church for your fiance’s sake, I assume that this is important to you. You owe it to yourself to at least hear things out as to how your situation would be handled in light of your concerns.