Annulment vs. reconciliation

[moto5150]

1st - I am protestant

2nd- My wife (ex) has become catholic, or is at least in the process…

Those two things in mind, here is my question:
Her and I have started talking seriously about reconciliation. She has initiated the annulment process, and it is nearly finished. What should we do??

 

[moto5150]

By the way…the annulment process was initiated 4 months ago, before we were considering reconciling…

 

[wanstronian]

Why are you asking complete strangers for relationship advice? Particularly as you offer no information about your relationship!

The only advice I would offer is that you seek professional marriage guidance. Nobody on these forums can help you, nor should anybody pretend they can.

Good luck.

 

[Joe_Kelley]

I think the annulment process requires proof that reconciliation is not possible. A Final Divorce Decree is usually accepted as adequate proof. However, if something has changed since the divorce and reconciliation is now a possibility, I think the Tribunal should be so advised. I expect they will require a sincere effort with professional help if needed before proceeding with the process. They can probably recommend some counselors.

 

[moto5150]

Why are you asking complete strangers for relationship advice? Particularly as you offer no information about your relationship!

The only advice I would offer is that you seek professional marriage guidance. Nobody on these forums can help you, nor should anybody pretend they can.

Good luck.

Wanstorian:: If you think this is a plea for relationship advice, you are mistaken. Joe Kelley provided me with some of the information I was looking for. At the end of the day, I seek relationship advice from only people qualified to give it; since this is not a relationship advice issue, I posted the question here…

 

[moto5150]

I guess the better question is this: If reconciliation is something being explored, does the Tribunal need to know?

By being explored, I dont mean that it’s been decided. We have not committed to it by any means. Rather we have committed to counseling (together) for our own individual lives and emotional health, and explore the possibility of reconciling as it arises through the process of healing and becoming emotionally whole.

At this point, the annulment process is still going, it is set for decision within a few weeks. What is the best thing to do in this situation with regards to informing the tribunal of “possibilities being explored”?

(We do have two children and this definitely plays a role in our resolve to explore reconciling.)

 

[davidv]

I guess the better question is this: If reconciliation is something being explored, does the Tribunal need to know?

By being explored, I dont mean that it’s been decided. We have not committed to it by any means. Rather we have committed to counseling (together) for our own individual lives and emotional health, and explore the possibility of reconciling as it arises through the process of healing and becoming emotionally whole.

At this point, the annulment process is still going, it is set for decision within a few weeks. What is the best thing to do in this situation with regards to informing the tribunal of “possibilities being explored”?

(We do have two children and this definitely plays a role in our resolve to explore reconciling.)

In my view, the fact that you are trying to reconcile may not have any bearing on the validity of your marriage. Your potential reconciliation is a current state. The tribunal is examining the past. They will be attempting, based on the evidence provided to them, to conclude whether a valid marriage exists.

If they find that you were invalidly married and you end up reconciling, you would be required to be properly married before returning to marital relations.

 

[Spencerian]

I guess the better question is this: If reconciliation is something being explored, does the Tribunal need to know?

By being explored, I dont mean that it’s been decided. We have not committed to it by any means. Rather we have committed to counseling (together) for our own individual lives and emotional health, and explore the possibility of reconciling as it arises through the process of healing and becoming emotionally whole.

At this point, the annulment process is still going, it is set for decision within a few weeks. What is the best thing to do in this situation with regards to informing the tribunal of “possibilities being explored”?

(We do have two children and this definitely plays a role in our resolve to explore reconciling.)

Hi, there.

It is a good idea to let the tribunal know. A weird situation is created canonically for your spouse (as she is/becoming Catholic) if you have a marriage invalidated while reconciling to reunite it. A tribunal may suspend the events if you can return your marriage to a valid state. A divorce does not matter to the Church, but if you plan to remarry to a previous spouse, the Church’s work to invalidate the first instance of the marriage makes little sense.

I remember from an earlier thread how things seemed to be going downhill for you. I’m happy things might be on the way up. We all continue to pray for you for further positive developments. Do seek a marriage counselor and advice from a priest for more help; there is only so much we can do here. God bless.

 

[moto5150]

Spencerian…
Thanks for the (name removed by moderator)ut…The reason it was so difficult before is because we kept getting on this cycle of reconciling and then not…back and forth, etc… That is very taxing. We’ve found one of the most well known therapists in California who is going to take on this mess and help us try to come to some conclusion, one way or the other. I feel a like I’m hiding something from the Tribunal if we don’t tell them that we are at least remotely entertaining this idea, but at the same time, our current actions and aspirations wouldn’t have much if any bearing on our state of mind 5 - 6 years ago when the vows were first taken. As you said, it is a bit complicated. It will be nice when this mess is behind us, what ever the outcome.

Plus, If we inform the Tribunal that we are looking into reconciliation, they have informed us previously that they would likely stop the annulment process. If the marriage was invalid, shouldn’t we know? Yet, to your point, it we are looking at reconciling, what matters is where we are at now, not where we were. I see what you’re saying but geez…what a mess.

 

[wanstronian]

Wanstorian:: If you think this is a plea for relationship advice, you are mistaken. Joe Kelley provided me with some of the information I was looking for. At the end of the day, I seek relationship advice from only people qualified to give it; since this is not a relationship advice issue, I posted the question here…

Apologies - given that you posted your religious affiliations, it sounded like a plea for advice on whether to get back together bearing those affiliations in mind.

So I’m not sure why you mentioned them…

No matter.

 

[moto5150]

Apologies - given that you posted your religious affiliations, it sounded like a plea for advice on whether to get back together bearing those affiliations in mind.

So I’m not sure why you mentioned them…

No matter.

I mentioned it to provide some form of perspective. The annulment process to me is relatively pointless, but as we consider reconciliation, her values become relevant, even if they don’t align perfectly with mine. I should have been more direct with my question - I was more referring to dealing with the Tribunal than anything else. I appreciate your (name removed by moderator)ut, as I see that my question was wayyy too vague.

 

[Leela]

1st - I am protestant

2nd- My wife (ex) has become catholic, or is at least in the process…

Those two things in mind, here is my question:
Her and I have started talking seriously about reconciliation. She has initiated the annulment process, and it is nearly finished. What should we do??

It seems to me that this whole Tribunal issue ought to be the last of your concerns right now (especially since you aren’t even Catholic). They’ll take your $ and give your wife her Catholic divorce if she wants it, but your first concern ought to be figuring out what is best for you and your ex-wife.

 

[rwoehmke]

So if you eventually become reconciled after the granting of an annulment, you can then always remarry provided there is no other situation standing in the way. Seems like letting happen whatever is to happen with the annulment would take some of the difficulties out of the counseling process; you would both be free to make a more mature decision.