Annulment???

[Lexee15]

I am most definately going to file for an annulment as soon as my divorce is final, I was told by a priest and by some here on CAF that I may be a candidate since he had addictions that I didn’t know about until after we married. Well here’s something new, and what I want to know is if I can use this and if it will be helpful in my case. I have recently confirmed that he was cheating on me before we married…I suspected it but I wasn’t sure…now I even have names of those he was cheating with. Could this help me in proving that he NEVER intended to keep his vows? Or should I only stick to the addictions? I need all the help I can get in annulling this marriage, but I don’t know if this new info. would be relevant…any suggestions and info. would help, thanks.

 

[Forest-Pine]

Yes, of course. Any information that you have will be beneficial to the tribunal making its decision. The more evidence they have, the better able they are to make an informed decision.

Keep in mind that you want to be clear what is fact and what is speculation as your husband will also be given a chance to provide evidence and witnesses. You don’t want to blow your credibility. But you can and should present everything you know.

 

[Lillith]

I agree with Forest Pine…tell everything that you know…almost like a confession. Be as honest as possible.

That being said…I went through the annulment process not too long ago. It can be healing and painful at the same time. Try to find someone to help you with the paperwork…I couldn’t work through it on my own because it’s hard to write or type when your crying buckets.

Also…Adultery in itself is not a ground for annulment. It can be used to show state of mind. My husband commited adultery also, and I didn’t find out until he left the marriage, and so it wasn’t even a consideration.

Grave Lack of Discretion and invalid convalidation were the grounds that I filed under. I married my husband outside of the Church and then a year latter in the Church…Grave lack of discretion explained the fact that neither he nor I understood the true meaning of sacramental marriage (which was true)…and the convalidation was not sacramental either(makes sense when you think about it)

Good Luck and God Bless…
I hope you have friends and family to hug you through all this

 

[LeahInancsi]

Lexee,

I’ll admit that I’m old and very naive.

If it’s not too personal could you tell me a couple things about your relationship with your husband.

1. How long did you date before you married?
2. Is he Catholic?
3. I assume you got married in the Church?
4. You have a little boy with this man and pregnant again? (not a material issue, but a very sad situation for these innocent children).

I’m not judging. Only trying to determine what is the norm among your generation.

I will pray for you.

 

[Forest-Pine]

LeahInancsi:

Lexee,

I’ll admit that I’m old and very naive.

If it’s not too personal could you tell me a couple things about your relationship with your husband.

1. How long did you date before you married?
2. Is he Catholic?
3. I assume you got married in the Church?
4. You have a little boy with this man and pregnant again? (not a material issue, but a very sad situation for these innocent children).

I’m not judging. Only trying to determine what is the norm among your generation.

I will pray for you.

While I can sympathize with your curiosity, I hardly think a single individual’s situation would provide you with the “norm” of her generation (another unknown). If you want statistics on marriage in the US today, there are several threads on the subject (or you could start a new one). However, Lexee is a regular poster here and you can read her back-posts to see where she is coming from if you wish. She is obviously expecting a bundle of joy (yeah!) and has a big brother waiting in the wings.

If Lexee did not marry in the church or with a dispensation, then her annulment would be a simple “lack of form” case which in the US I believe a priest can sign off on. If they married in the church, her husband’s religion would be a moot point as it would only be the Catholic party(ies) who had long-term binding expectations (such as raising the children in the faith.) The only question that I find pertinent to this thread is how long they dated before they married. This would be something the tribunal would also want to know. (Though we do not need to in order to answer her question above.) If the couple rushed into a marriage without significant time to know each other, the tribunal would certainly take this into account. As I said, they will look at everything surrounding the marriage in making their decision.

Lillith,
I pray that the decree of nullity gives you healing and peace!

 

[Lillith]

Forest-Pine:

Lillith,
I pray that the decree of nullity gives you healing and peace!

Thank you so much…sweet Lady…It really already has! My husband called while he was filling out his paper work and apologized! What a Miraculous event *that * was, and it brought me great healing and forgiveness…

 

[Mirror_Mirror]

Lexee15:

I am most definately going to file for an annulment as soon as my divorce is final, I was told by a priest and by some here on CAF that I may be a candidate since he had addictions that I didn’t know about until after we married. Well here’s something new, and what I want to know is if I can use this and if it will be helpful in my case. I have recently confirmed that he was cheating on me before we married…I suspected it but I wasn’t sure…now I even have names of those he was cheating with. Could this help me in proving that he NEVER intended to keep his vows? Or should I only stick to the addictions? I need all the help I can get in annulling this marriage, but I don’t know if this new info. would be relevant…any suggestions and info. would help, thanks.

Lexee,

Without getting into a long discussion about he annulment process, let me assure you that you will have plenty of opporutnities to “speak your peace” about the times before your marriage and during the marriage. There are a ton of questions, very specific, for you to answer. Questions about yourself, question about your spouse and questions about the two of you as a married couple. You will have plenty of opportunities to bring up everything that you feel is relevant to prove your case.

I have been through this process and trust me when I tell you that at first it can be overwhelming. Take your time answering the questions, do not rush through this. Once you have completed all the questions, it will take a while to complete the process, but pray for patience. Put it into the Lord’s hands and He will provide. Do not stress yourself out over this. Trust me, you will drive yourself crazy if you try to question if this is a way to get the annulment or if that is the way to get it. Just answer the questions honestly and everything will work out for you. I am not very familiar with your situation, but if there were issues before the marriage this is what the annulment looks for. If you will remember one of the vows that you took on your wedding day was, “have you come here freely and willing to give yourselves to one another in holy matrimony?” Now if someone had an addiction or affairs that were hidden, then that is a preexisting condition that the Church considers. If you had known about this, would you have been free and willing? You see what I am saying. I think that from the little that I know, you will be fine, but I am not a part of the tribunal.

God Bless you throughout this entire process. And best of luck with baby #2.

 

[shannin]

Lillith:

Thank you so much…sweet Lady…It really already has! My husband called while he was filling out his paper work and apologized! What a Miraculous event *that *was, and it brought me great healing and forgiveness…

Lillith,
I’ve been following some of your other posts. The way you’ve turned your life around is wonderful and I admire you a great deal.
God bless you. :bowdown2:

 

[Lillith]

shannin:

Lillith,
I’ve been following some of your other posts. The way you’ve turned your life around is wonderful and I admire you a great deal.
God bless you. :bowdown2:

My goodness Shannin…I tend to think nobody notices me, and when someone does I get rather embarrassed

But warm and fuzzy at the same time. Thank you for such kind words

 

[Catholic2003]

The Yahoo group CatholicsRemarry provides online support for those going through the annulment process. If you join up, you will have access to the File section, which contains a file “Personal and Marital History.doc” of the questions to be answered in the diocese of Buffalo. As others have already commented, the questions are quite thorough and probing, and you will have the opportunity to bring up any issues that you think are relevant. Another file worth looking at is “Sample Questions Posed to Witnesses.doc”.

 

[Karin]

Catholic2003:

. Another file worth looking at is “Sample Questions Posed to Witnesses.doc”.

Sounds like they want to prepare the Witnesses on what answers to give etc.:nope:
INMHO a Witness should not be prepped on what to say …they should go into it with an open mind and answer all questions as truthfully & honestly as possible.

 

[Catholic2003]

Karin:

Sounds like they want to prepare the Witnesses on what answers to give etc.:nope:
INMHO a Witness should not be prepped on what to say …they should go into it with an open mind and answer all questions as truthfully & honestly as possible.

I don’t know how you managed to jump to that conclusion.

The point is that many people select completely inappropriate witnesses, who have nothing relevant to contribute to the investigation. By knowing what questions the witnesses will be expected to answer, a person filing for an annulment can select appropriate witnesses who can contribute useful information to the tribunal.

 

[Karin]

Catholic2003:

I don’t know how you managed to jump to that conclusion.

I could see no other reason to the section of “Sample Questions Posed to Witnesses.doc”." other than to prep the Witnesses.
**But I see now that there is a reason for it **

 

[1ke]

Lexee15:

I am most definately going to file for an annulment as soon as my divorce is final, I was told by a priest and by some here on CAF that I may be a candidate since he had addictions that I didn’t know about until after we married. Well here’s something new, and what I want to know is if I can use this and if it will be helpful in my case. I have recently confirmed that he was cheating on me before we married…I suspected it but I wasn’t sure…now I even have names of those he was cheating with. Could this help me in proving that he NEVER intended to keep his vows? Or should I only stick to the addictions? I need all the help I can get in annulling this marriage, but I don’t know if this new info. would be relevant…any suggestions and info. would help, thanks.

Yes, all aspects of your marriage and all actions of your husband are very relevant. This newest discovery only strengthens the case that your husband could not commit to a Sacramental marriage, had impaired consent, etc.

You do indeed sound as if you have a strong case. Best of luck to you.

 

[LeahInancsi]

Forest-Pine:

While I can sympathize with your curiosity, I hardly think a single individual’s situation would provide you with the “norm” of her generation (another unknown). If you want statistics on marriage in the US today, there are several threads on the subject (or you could start a new one). However, Lexee is a regular poster here and you can read her back-posts to see where she is coming from if you wish. She is obviously expecting a bundle of joy (yeah!) and has a big brother waiting in the wings.

If Lexee did not marry in the church or with a dispensation, then her annulment would be a simple “lack of form” case which in the US I believe a priest can sign off on. If they married in the church, her husband’s religion would be a moot point as it would only be the Catholic party(ies) who had long-term binding expectations (such as raising the children in the faith.) The only question that I find pertinent to this thread is how long they dated before they married. This would be something the tribunal would also want to know. (Though we do not need to in order to answer her question above.) If the couple rushed into a marriage without significant time to know each other, the tribunal would certainly take this into account. As I said, they will look at everything surrounding the marriage in making their decision.

Lillith,
I pray that the decree of nullity gives you healing and peace!

You missed my point completely. I was only looking for a little background information. Her situation may very well contradict statistics. We can all learn from someone else’s mistakes especially when they don’t fit the norm.

 

[anna1978]

LeahInancsi:

You missed my point completely. I was only looking for a little background information. Her situation may very well contradict statistics. We can all learn from someone else’s mistakes especially when they don’t fit the norm.

She has pretty much told all in the past months, so click on her name and then on ‘all posts by this person’…Basically, it’s just very sad this all happened and one of these situations where I think an annulment is not going to be a problem…His past, plus the fact that he was not entirely honest about everything, plus the fact that he had an affair and took drugs…it’ll all count towards a marriage that most likely was never valid from the start. Ofcourse, it’ll have to be proven by the tribunal, but Lexee get all the info you have on him and use it! {{{HUGS}}} and try not to let it upset you too much, at least you’ll have the children

Anna x

 

[OutinChgoburbs]

Karin:

Sounds like they want to prepare the Witnesses on what answers to give etc.:nope:
INMHO a Witness should not be prepped on what to say …they should go into it with an open mind and answer all questions as truthfully & honestly as possible.

In the Diocese of Joliet, nobody makes a personal appearance. It’s all done on paper, signed in front of a notary or a priest.

As was pointed out and you agreed, some people just have no business being sent witness materials.

For Lexee, though, I recommend this portion of the Joliet web site:

dioceseofjoliet.org/tribunal/

If you have questions when you’re ready, Lexee, don’t be afraid to ask Father Tapella directly. He is a PEACH!!!

 

[Lexee15]

LeahInancsi:

Lexee,

I’ll admit that I’m old and very naive.

If it’s not too personal could you tell me a couple things about your relationship with your husband.

1. How long did you date before you married?
   We dated for 2 years…a year and a half of that was long distance, he was in Chicago and I was in California…I will NEVER do this again and recommend that no one else do it either.
2. Is he Catholic?
   Baptized Catholic…practicing SDA.
3. I assume you got married in the Church?
   Yes
4. You have a little boy with this man and pregnant again? (not a material issue, but a very sad situation for these innocent children).
   Correct.

I’m not judging. Only trying to determine what is the norm among your generation.

I will pray for you.
Thank you…I need it.