Annulments and RCIA

[salvereginadude]

My mother and I will be entering RCIA in about two weeks buot we have a bit of a delema (sp). My mother has been married twice previously. She divorced during both of those marriages and is currently single. Our priest brought it to her attention that she would have to see if it was possible for any annulments to be made. I didn’t really until recently how miticulous of a process this is. When I understood that the Church has their own tribunals and courts I really understood what this meant. The price to have these annulments done is really something we can’t afford right now and I was wondering does my mother have to get these annulments before she can go through RCIA and be received into the Church? My mother said that our priest said I could go through RCIA no problem but that she had to go through this annulment process. For some reason, this just doesn’t make sense to me. If she’s had valid marriages (we recognize Marriage as one of the only two valid Sacraments held by Protestants) and divorced while she was still Protestant why does this hold her back from RCIA and Confirmation? Why would you even need to take care of marriage history before you entered RCIA? Couldn’t you do this at a different time?

 

[puzzleannie]

search under annulment on this forum. this question gets discussed at least 5 times a month, and you will find what you are asking. Or take the easy route, your mother should meet with the priest, lay out all the facts of her previous marriages, and her current marriage if she is married now. He will refer her to the marriage tribunal of the diocese as each marriage must be decided, beginning with the first. It requires investigation of the circumstances existing when the marrige was contracted.

The Catholic Church assumes all marriages valid until proven otherwise, so if your mother is now married, but previously was married and divorced, she is objectively living in a state of adultery until the situation is rectified. One cannot receive the sacraments of the Catholic Church–confirmation and Eucharist–in a state of mortal sin, so anyone seeking to enter the church has to rectify any sinful state or manner of life.

If your mother is not now married, the process is much simpler. If she has been validly baptized, she will prepare for her first confession and be absolved of any sin before confirmation. She should still go through the annulment process so she will be free to marry one day. If she cannot afford it, and the cost is far less than the actual cost to the diocese of pursuing the process, the fee will be reduced or waived. She must talk to the priest. Waste of time here

are you sure the priest understands she is now single and not living with anyone?

Of course you don’t understand all the Catholic teaching on marriage, that will be part of the RCIA process, and make sure to ask questions so you do understand and accept.

Welcome home to both you and your mother.

 

[Br.Rich_SFO]

My mother and I will be entering RCIA in about two weeks buot we have a bit of a delema (sp). My mother has been married twice previously. She divorced during both of those marriages and is currently single. Our priest brought it to her attention that she would have to see if it was possible for any annulments to be made. I didn’t really until recently how miticulous of a process this is. When I understood that the Church has their own tribunals and courts I really understood what this meant. The price to have these annulments done is really something we can’t afford right now and I was wondering does my mother have to get these annulments before she can go through RCIA and be received into the Church? My mother said that our priest said I could go through RCIA no problem but that she had to go through this annulment process. For some reason, this just doesn’t make sense to me. If she’s had valid marriages (we recognize Marriage as one of the only two valid Sacraments held by Protestants) and divorced while she was still Protestant why does this hold her back from RCIA and Confirmation? Why would you even need to take care of marriage history before you entered RCIA? Couldn’t you do this at a different time?

You don’t have to take care of Marriage issues before entering RCIA. However some situations can cause a person to be unable to receive any Sacraments. Therefore stopping their entry into full union with the Church.

However in the case of a person who married twice and divorced twice and is not living with anyone at this time and never intends to again. They are not prohibited from receiving the Sacraments after proper Confession. The death of either prior spouse also has an impact on this.

 

[blackwidow]

Do you not have to be confirmed, both parties, to be married in the Catholic Church, sorry for my ignorance.

 

[Br.Rich_SFO]

Do you not have to be confirmed, both parties, to be married in the Catholic Church, sorry for my ignorance.

It is strongly encouraged.

 

[blackwidow]

I absolutely agree. I was married and my husband wasn’t confirmed, didn’t realize till I started looking at my faith something I should have done years ago, I just grew up.

 

[Joannm]

It is also important to know the marital status of the spouse of the one entering RCIA. It sometimes happens where the person seeking to become a Catholic is in a first marriage but the spouse has been divorced previously.

I interviewed a Jewish woman who was divorced from a marriage to a Methodist. They were married in a civil ceremony. That could be a simple one to correct. However her present husband is a Catholic, previously married in a Catholic ceremony to another Catholic. He does not want to go through any process of annulment for his first marriage. That puts this woman in a bind. She is willing to go through it for her first marriage but her husband is not. She would really like to become Catholic. All I could tell her was to go speak to her husband and try to convince him to apply for an annulment…or to find out if his former wife had applied for one for the marriage. I feel really bad when I have to turn people down or to put major roadblocks in their way, especialy when they had no idea that marriage would block their way to becoming Catholic.

 

[Seatuck]

My mother and I will be entering RCIA in about two weeks buot we have a bit of a delema (sp). My mother has been married twice previously. She divorced during both of those marriages and is currently single. Our priest brought it to her attention that she would have to see if it was possible for any annulments to be made. I didn’t really until recently how miticulous of a process this is. When I understood that the Church has their own tribunals and courts I really understood what this meant. The price to have these annulments done is really something we can’t afford right now and I was wondering does my mother have to get these annulments before she can go through RCIA and be received into the Church? My mother said that our priest said I could go through RCIA no problem but that she had to go through this annulment process. For some reason, this just doesn’t make sense to me. If she’s had valid marriages (we recognize Marriage as one of the only two valid Sacraments held by Protestants) and divorced while she was still Protestant why does this hold her back from RCIA and Confirmation? Why would you even need to take care of marriage history before you entered RCIA? Couldn’t you do this at a different time?

You will want to go talk to the priest either by yourself or with your Mother . It seems from the above you did not go. The priest is probably trying to save your mother some heartache later. Under the situation she is in now she cannot date or marry unless she receives a decree of nullity and we aren’t sure that would happen and neither is he. Or if both of the husbands die at some point before a decree of nullity is sought. He doesn’t want her to feel trapped by the church into never being able to marry again later. Not everyone understands and agrees to this the way you two seem to . They get angry later when it sinks in that they are not free to marry. As long as it is made clear to him that she understands this situation - being unable to date or attempt marriage again -she should be able to enter the church.

Prayers for both of you as you embark on this journey.

 

[pippin]

If she’s had valid marriages (we recognize Marriage as one of the only two valid Sacraments held by Protestants) and divorced while she was still Protestant why does this hold her back from RCIA and Confirmation? Why would you even need to take care of marriage history before you entered RCIA? Couldn’t you do this at a different time?

A valid, sacramental Christian, marriage cannot be undone by a divorce. Only the death of one spouse can end a valid marriage.

 

[blackwidow]

I am separated and filed for divorce. Have been alone and raising my children for several years not looking for anyone to share my life with. BUT didn’t realize that I will forever or should be single and chaste for the rest of my life unless I obtain an annulement. I didn’t realize this till I met another catholic man who is also in the process of divorce and annulement I think I fell in love with him, absolutely neither one of us has crossed any lines, just he is very religious and I think I am the most unknowledgeable catholic out there. Our friendship has been put on hold and my heart is so broken because he claims he can’t be friends because of these feelings. To me I need to have my faith straightened out more than having a divorce finalized for ME nobody else because I don’t think I could ever marry or trust again anyway, can’t take the pain in my heart.

So finding out what a valid and invalid marriage is and making mine become nullified is of the upmost importance to me, for my faith, my children and starting a life over again with a second chance at religion. I have no religion and didn’t even realize it till this hit me right in my hear, I feel so stupid and naive I am scared to even speak to the priest!!

 

[Br.Rich_SFO]

I am separated and filed for divorce. Have been alone and raising my children for several years not looking for anyone to share my life with. BUT didn’t realize that I will forever or should be single and chaste for the rest of my life unless I obtain an annulement. I didn’t realize this till I met another catholic man who is also in the process of divorce and annulement I think I fell in love with him, absolutely neither one of us has crossed any lines, just he is very religious and I think I am the most unknowledgeable catholic out there. Our friendship has been put on hold and my heart is so broken because he claims he can’t be friends because of these feelings. To me I need to have my faith straightened out more than having a divorce finalized for ME nobody else because I don’t think I could ever marry or trust again anyway, can’t take the pain in my heart.

So finding out what a valid and invalid marriage is and making mine become nullified is of the upmost importance to me, for my faith, my children and starting a life over again with a second chance at religion. I have no religion and didn’t even realize it till this hit me right in my hear, I feel so stupid and naive I am scared to even speak to the priest!!

Being divorced in the Catholic church does not separate you from the Church or the Sacraments, as long as you do not attempt another Marriage without first receiving a decree of nullity. Unless you initiated the divorce without serious reason.

 

[blackwidow]

No I would never initiate a divorce without reason, I have been struggling with filing for this for 15 years. Verbal abuse and neither one of us setting a good example for our children to follow is the biggest probelm and faith is definately one of them. The marriage shouldn’t have ever existed, it only did because I sinned when I was 17 with pre-marital sex and stayed with this man for the next 28 years and had 2 children. I am at my witts end over having to divorce and its affecting my health because of the guilt. I am turning to my faith because I need help, not another marriage. I need to learn my faith. Someone needs to teach me my faith and pray for me, I just need one more chance to make it all right in my life and GOD is going to help me, fingers crossed, as long as I open my heart

 

[Br.Rich_SFO]

No I would never initiate a divorce without reason, I have been struggling with filing for this for 15 years. Verbal abuse and neither one of us setting a good example for our children to follow is the biggest probelm and faith is definately one of them. The marriage shouldn’t have ever existed, it only did because I sinned when I was 17 with pre-marital sex and stayed with this man for the next 28 years and had 2 children. I am at my witts end over having to divorce and its affecting my health because of the guilt. I am turning to my faith because I need help, not another marriage. I need to learn my faith. Someone needs to teach me my faith and pray for me, I just need one more chance to make it all right in my life and GOD is going to help me, fingers crossed, as long as I open my heart

Rest assured that you are not separated from the Church or the Sacraments because of the civil divorce. Find a Catholic parish and speak with the pastor.

 

[blackwidow]

I understand that, what I didn’t understand is I took all my sacraments within my same church that I was baptized as a catholic and the most important one, getting married, I wasn’t prepared or even understand, either of us. I just went through the motions, husband wasn’t even concerned or confirmed and couldn’t really care about religion total lack of communication throughout the whole marriage, both parties at fault.

I think turning to my faith will help me to understand my life and what my lessons have been in it.

Something happened to me over the summer and my faith was made aware to me and I started to investigate what a civil divorce also means in my faith, and I am sick with grief over what a failure I have been in my faith, to my children (because of this divorce) and family and how this sacrament was never ever discussed or taken seriously.

I am questioning my faith and I am raising two boys catholic. Yes, I need to speak to the priest, just trying to get up the nerve to explain all this since I need to speak about everything and including confession, hope he has a day or 10 to listen to me, lol. Please just pray, I have never needed anyone to pray more than now. Thank you.

 

[Janet_S]

My mother and I will be entering RCIA in about two weeks buot we have a bit of a delema (sp). My mother has been married twice previously. She divorced during both of those marriages and is currently single. Our priest brought it to her attention that she would have to see if it was possible for any annulments to be made. I didn’t really until recently how miticulous of a process this is. When I understood that the Church has their own tribunals and courts I really understood what this meant. The price to have these annulments done is really something we can’t afford right now and I was wondering does my mother have to get these annulments before she can go through RCIA and be received into the Church? My mother said that our priest said I could go through RCIA no problem but that she had to go through this annulment process. For some reason, this just doesn’t make sense to me. If she’s had valid marriages (we recognize Marriage as one of the only two valid Sacraments held by Protestants) and divorced while she was still Protestant why does this hold her back from RCIA and Confirmation? Why would you even need to take care of marriage history before you entered RCIA? Couldn’t you do this at a different time?

I helped with the RCIA program at my church, and I don’t see why your mother has to go through the annulment process if she is single. We once had a divorced, single man come into the Church without his annulment being finalized. If your mother were currently married, with two divorces in her past, that would be a different story.

If she plans to date or to marry in the future, she will have to get an annulment since, without an annulment, she is technically still married in the eyes of the Church.

 

[blackwidow]

how hard is it to obtain an annulement, it seems everyone is just getting them, this scares me half to death facing the priest and telling him this is what I am requesting…