True, but somehow I have the feeling anything I did that would equate to Sally not getting her way would have made her feel it is unfair.
Unfortunately if there was a next time, all I can do is what is the best course of action and Sally still will not like it
I have no idea what is meant by that
I mean that working with difficult people takes skills that can be learned.
For instance, once I had a co-worker that would be difficult to move from his decided course of action once he thought he saw the best course of action. With him, I learned to look down the tracks for issues that might concern both of us and consider what he would look for in a solution. I found that if I thought of a solution that both worked for me and kept his most likely concerns in mind, he’d very often advocate for what I wanted just as if he’d thought up the idea himself.
I’d present it to him, thus: I was thinking about X coming up, and was considering that you’d probably want an option for dealing with it that takes Y, Z, and W into account. (Pause, making sure that this is in fact the case.) Well, I was thinking we could take the Path through A and B. That gives you Y, Z and W, and while we’re at it, it also gives me G and F, which are my concerns. (Then you listen to feedback, prepared to add or subtract issues from your consideration.) No matter how things worked out, this co-worker knew that I took his point of view into account when I looked for solutions, before he’d ever asked me to and even before he even saw the problem coming. Even if I misread what he wanted, as long as I was obviously flexible in view of his feedback, that let him know I had his back.
There is rarely just one best course of action. There are usually many different solutions, and each one offers different things to different parties. There are also many ways to look at what is essentially the same solution. Sometimes the solution that offers the most to one party or another needs to be sold to that party. If you run up a bad emotional history with someone, they can become an unnecessarily hard sell.
Sometimes, too, the solution that is less efficient but more conducive to harmony among important players is the wisest one. There are worse things in the world of work than to adopt the method that is most decidedly not the fastest one.
Most of all, there is nothing more winning than to clearly have your own opinion, to listen to someone else, to appreciate their point of view, and to change your own stance in a way that takes both their goals and yours into account. You have probably heard of this: it is called looking for the win-win.
If you haven’t heard of looking for the win-win, find Steven Covey’s book, “Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.” He won’t teach you to resign yourself to the idea that you’ll never have Sally on your side. Sally is someone you want on your side. It is undoubtedly worth your energy to look for a plan of action that might one day put her there.
