P
Pray_The_Rosary
Guest
Please don’t hate me or think I’m selfish…believe me… I’m already tearing myself up thinking I am. Just hear me out because I really can’t hold it in anymore…I’m very sad. I’ll try to make this as short as possible…
I started dating my fiance over 5 years ago and my mom made things miserable for us for the first 4 years. Her hate for my relationship poisoned the whole family. I couldn’t take it anymore so we broke up and ended up dating horrible people for about 7 months and then just ended up back together. We talked to a very good priest about getting married and my family situation and then, taking his advice, we talked with my parents trying to convince them that we were doing thing right. Then we got engaged. I tried to be as loving/understanding/nice as possible and keep a smile on. When I showed my brother my ring he called me an idiot…and for a while my parents just kept quiet about it and pretended everything was ok. My family has a lot of elephants in the room they just don’t want to deal with. Anyway…there was lots of fighting and arguing with my mom at first…then two months later my brother got engaged to his first g/f that he only dated for 7 months. Now I don’t find anything wrong with this except that my parents were off the chain excited for him while telling me that I had rushed into things. It hurt…it still hurts…my mom loves my brother’s fiance and she hardly knows her…my fiance has done nothing but help my mom with everything she ever asked him to do for over 5 years and she still doesn’t think he’s all that great. Anyway… I overheard my brother trying to convince my dad that my relationship emitted evil and that the devil was behind it. He told my mom that he was sure I got engaged in a hurry just so that I could be engaged before he was and she actually believed him. After lots of fighting and crying they seem to be much better with things now…but my brother is always giving me the cold shoulder and my parents are not helping with my wedding planning which sometimes makes me wonder if things really are ok. My brother’s wedding is completely booked thanks to my dad helping him and his is 6 months away. Mine is 4 months away and nothing is planned. It has actually been this way with my family about more than just weddings…it’s been about cars and college and just everything that families discuss and/or do together…
To make matters worse…my fiance got laid-off …and even though he’s making more money on side jobs while he looks for another full time job my parents are just ignoring anything I say about any wedding. It’s as if mom is planning on it just not happening and dad just doesn’t care. I feel sooooo lonely with my family. I can understand dad wanting him to have that full time job with benefits before we get married but if someday he gets laid off while we are married I’m not just gunna up and leave him…I’ll be in that boat with him just like now. I love him…he’s a wonderful person who cares about every1 and will make a great husband and daddy someday.
I’m just very hurt by all of this…I’ve always loved my family…and I have always sacrificed for them. I know they think I’m selfish but they don’t know the pain in my heart I’ve had all my life from simply letting hurtful things slide including being called selfish. If I’m selfish for wanting them to love me and show me a little compassion/trust/anything then so be it. I’ve tried talking to them about it nicely without fighting, but they get very defensive and remind me how selfish I am. It’s getting to the point where I’m really depressed and sometimes I take it out on my fiance which is horribly unfair. I cry wayyyyyy too much these days. Am I cursed or something???
And for the record…I’ll mention something nice. My other brother is the only reason I’ve been able to survive this long (along with my fiance of course). He doesn’t say much and you can never tell who’s side he’s on…but he plays video games with me and smiles at me…and I actually feel like there’s at least one person in the family that does care and will still love me even if he never says it. It doesn’t stop the tears though.
I started dating my fiance over 5 years ago and my mom made things miserable for us for the first 4 years. Her hate for my relationship poisoned the whole family. I couldn’t take it anymore so we broke up and ended up dating horrible people for about 7 months and then just ended up back together. We talked to a very good priest about getting married and my family situation and then, taking his advice, we talked with my parents trying to convince them that we were doing thing right. Then we got engaged. I tried to be as loving/understanding/nice as possible and keep a smile on. When I showed my brother my ring he called me an idiot…and for a while my parents just kept quiet about it and pretended everything was ok. My family has a lot of elephants in the room they just don’t want to deal with. Anyway…there was lots of fighting and arguing with my mom at first…then two months later my brother got engaged to his first g/f that he only dated for 7 months. Now I don’t find anything wrong with this except that my parents were off the chain excited for him while telling me that I had rushed into things. It hurt…it still hurts…my mom loves my brother’s fiance and she hardly knows her…my fiance has done nothing but help my mom with everything she ever asked him to do for over 5 years and she still doesn’t think he’s all that great. Anyway… I overheard my brother trying to convince my dad that my relationship emitted evil and that the devil was behind it. He told my mom that he was sure I got engaged in a hurry just so that I could be engaged before he was and she actually believed him. After lots of fighting and crying they seem to be much better with things now…but my brother is always giving me the cold shoulder and my parents are not helping with my wedding planning which sometimes makes me wonder if things really are ok. My brother’s wedding is completely booked thanks to my dad helping him and his is 6 months away. Mine is 4 months away and nothing is planned. It has actually been this way with my family about more than just weddings…it’s been about cars and college and just everything that families discuss and/or do together…
To make matters worse…my fiance got laid-off …and even though he’s making more money on side jobs while he looks for another full time job my parents are just ignoring anything I say about any wedding. It’s as if mom is planning on it just not happening and dad just doesn’t care. I feel sooooo lonely with my family. I can understand dad wanting him to have that full time job with benefits before we get married but if someday he gets laid off while we are married I’m not just gunna up and leave him…I’ll be in that boat with him just like now. I love him…he’s a wonderful person who cares about every1 and will make a great husband and daddy someday.
I’m just very hurt by all of this…I’ve always loved my family…and I have always sacrificed for them. I know they think I’m selfish but they don’t know the pain in my heart I’ve had all my life from simply letting hurtful things slide including being called selfish. If I’m selfish for wanting them to love me and show me a little compassion/trust/anything then so be it. I’ve tried talking to them about it nicely without fighting, but they get very defensive and remind me how selfish I am. It’s getting to the point where I’m really depressed and sometimes I take it out on my fiance which is horribly unfair. I cry wayyyyyy too much these days. Am I cursed or something???
And for the record…I’ll mention something nice. My other brother is the only reason I’ve been able to survive this long (along with my fiance of course). He doesn’t say much and you can never tell who’s side he’s on…but he plays video games with me and smiles at me…and I actually feel like there’s at least one person in the family that does care and will still love me even if he never says it. It doesn’t stop the tears though.