Another thread on modesty etc

  • Thread starter Thread starter Feanaro_s_Wife
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
F

Feanaro_s_Wife

Guest
I have read alot about modesty (mostly aimed at women) on these forums. The thread about women causing men’s lust got me wondering…

I understand that if a woman dresses sexy/provocatively on purpose that she would be culpable in the man’s sin of lust. But just how far does that go?

For example, you can take two women wearing the exact same outfit and one will be sexy and one will be average. Is it then the responsibility of the more sexually attractive woman to “dress down”?

Or what about a woman with long sexy legs? No shorts in the summer because she may cause men to lust after her?

How about hair? Most men are attracted to long hair. Many men are attracted to a particular hair color (blond, redhead etc). Should a woman keep her hair short or not style or color her hair because it may lead a man into sin?

What about makeup? Lipstick in particular.

I know my questions may sound silly, but I am really curious about this.

What does modesty mean to you? Does it mean that as long as you don’t dress like a prostitute you’re ok? Or does it mean playing down your sexy features?

I’m looking forward to your replies…

Malia
 
From a guy’s point of view, I can definitely tell when a woman is dressing to cause lust. There’s definitely a difference between beautiful and sexy. Hair, makeup, and clothes can definitely enhance beauty without being lust inducing. I think clothes that purposefully accentuate or display the breasts and/or buttocks would be a no go, however. I think somewhere Jesus talks about a woman being a temptress. I think this is the key term. Don’t be a temptress. I know that’s kind of vague, but I hope it helps.
 
I also think a lot of it is body language, ‘vibes’ whatever. I used to marvel at a friend who was skinny, small busted, not particularly pretty but she attracted men like bees to a flower. There was just something about her…

I think some outfits are provacative and depending on the place you are wearing them, could be inappropriate. A form fitting, low cut gown at a gala would be fine but would look silly at mass or for a school teacher.

FWIW I heard a good rule of thumb is to wear close that are tight enough to show you are a woman, loose enough to show you are a lady.

Lisa N
 
  1. Generally, cover the shoulders, thighs, and tummy.
  2. Less spandex the better
  3. bring attention to your beautiful face, not your other “assets”
  4. I don’t need to see your underwear when you wear jeans.
  5. Hair is not an issue (see 3)
  6. Summertime: Skirts over shorts?
  7. One-piece swimsuits
  8. Easy on the mascara, etc
  9. Wear a bra
  10. Wear a Medal 🙂
 
Lisa N: FWIW I heard a good rule of thumb is to wear close that are tight enough to show you are a woman, loose enough to show you are a lady.
Click to expand...
My wife tells my daughter:

“Every lady is a woman, but not every woman is a lady. Be a lady.” 😃
 
40.png
jlw:
  1. Wear a Medal 🙂
Click to expand...
Haha, this is actually something I used to look for on a girl. If I saw a miraculous medal, I’d definitely look for an opportunity to chat it up:D .
It’s funny, my girlfriend is the queen of medals. Not only does she have one around her neck, she’s made herself a couple braclets that are loaded with medals–and they’re all different! She jingles around:p

Oh yeah, she also has a big St. Benedict medal on her key chain:rolleyes:
 
:nope:
40.png
Genesis315:
From a guy’s point of view, I can definitely tell when a woman is dressing to cause lust. There’s definitely a difference between beautiful and sexy. Hair, makeup, and clothes can definitely enhance beauty without being lust inducing. I think clothes that purposefully accentuate or display the breasts and/or buttocks would be a no go, however. I think somewhere Jesus talks about a woman being a temptress. I think this is the key term. Don’t be a temptress. I know that’s kind of vague, but I hope it helps.
Click to expand...
As a woman who was a wild teenager:nope: Origional poster you must understand that teenagers and women will go out of their way to cause lust in men.This is what is being taught in secularsociety,MTV and schools by the peers.The concensus is if you do not look like certain recording artists then you are nothing.They do not have the maturity or the forethought to see the real picture:crying: After they realise that guys see them like a glass of wine that when tasted is thrown away or traded in for a different year they have no idea that this is NOT where its at:nope:
 
Lisa N:
I also think a lot of it is body language, ‘vibes’ whatever. I used to marvel at a friend who was skinny, small busted, not particularly pretty but she attracted men like bees to a flower. There was just something about her…
Click to expand...
Good point.

Do you think that your friend (assuming she knew she was very attractive to men) had a responsibilty to try to make herself less attractive?

I guess this issue just confuses me. My personal opinion agrees with what another poster wrote… don’t be a temptress.

I see nothing wrong with wearing a pair of shorts and a tank top in the heat of summer (assuming that the shorts are not too high or the top too low cut or belly showing). I don’t see anything wrong with looking nice (hair, makeup etc). But there are women with the opinion that if you aren’t covered from head to toe that you are dressing provocatively… maybe men too?

But I think that not enough men take responsibilty for their lust. It is all too easy to just blame it on the girl wearing the revealing clothes.

Malia
 
Feanaro's Wife:
Good point.

Do you think that your friend (assuming she knew she was very attractive to men) had a responsibilty to try to make herself less attractive?

I guess this issue just confuses me. My personal opinion agrees with what another poster wrote… don’t be a temptress.

I see nothing wrong with wearing a pair of shorts and a tank top in the heat of summer (assuming that the shorts are not too high or the top too low cut or belly showing). I don’t see anything wrong with looking nice (hair, makeup etc). But there are women with the opinion that if you aren’t covered from head to toe that you are dressing provocatively… maybe men too?

But I think that not enough men take responsibilty for their lust. It is all too easy to just blame it on the girl wearing the revealing clothes.

Malia
Click to expand...
I am all for men trying to keep their hormones in check but lets be realistic,if a woman or girl is dressed like Cher:ehh: The guy would have to leave or be severly tempted to lust.I do not think that is fair for the guy or the woman:nope:
 
ladiesagainstfeminism.com
has some interesting articles about modesty.
I don’t think modesty means looking unattractive - just not trying to look ‘sexy’, not flaunting your sexuality. There is a difference between beautiful and sexy.
In my case, I never wear shorts or pants of any kind. I feel more feminine in skirts and dresses. No sleeveless, low cut or above the knee. Midriff baring is a no-no, though after 3 kids I don’t think seeing my belly would be a source of temptation to men!
I don’t think modesty depends on how attractive a woman is. It’s not just about not causing temptation - it’s about respecting your body as a temple of the Holy Spirit. Otherwise, it would be OK for eldery or obese women to walk around in next to nothing - no, the standard should be the same for everyone.
 
We as people have to have self-control. So if a woman or man dresses inappropriately the person looking or tempted should look away or avoid he/she. To learn self-control is a disciple we need as Catholic’s or Christians. Temptation will always be before us; we can’t and must not blame the person doing the tempting as the lust lies within us. We will continue to sin that is what confession is for.

I will not ever blame anyone but myself. If we start blaming the person who does the tempting we may as well give rapist’s a free pass out of jail and take it off the books. This is my personal opinion. It would be nice to think that all people will adhere to our moral levels of modesty, but it isn’t going to happen. We have to learn to adapt and learn to control our own urges when we are presented with temptations.

:twocents:
 
I see what you mean because some guys are obsessed with feet, and it’s not a factor in whether or not to go barefoot because that’s THIER problem. Simply having feet doesn’t send a message.

But if you’re intentionally running around with skimpy clothes on, that does send a message, like, “Look at me, I intentionally wore skimpy clothes so whatddya think of that!”
 
40.png
Christian4life:
I see what you mean because some guys are obsessed with feet, and it’s not a factor in whether or not to go barefoot because that’s THIER problem. Simply having feet doesn’t send a message.

But if you’re intentionally running around with skimpy clothes on, that does send a message, like, “Look at me, I intentionally wore skimpy clothes so whatddya think of that!”
Click to expand...
Exactly!!! You made my point better than I did…thank you:)

So would that mean that modesty means covering areas are that everyone associates with sex/lust? And wearing clothing that leaves those areas to the imagination?

And it seems to me that the intention almost matters more than the reality. What I mean by that is if a woman is wearing a knee length skirt and has amazing legs then she is not doing anything wrong even though many men may drool over her. But a woman who deliberately wears something to showcase her sexuality is partly at fault for the man’s sins.

Malia
 
Yep, absolutely. But it’s more than just that - I mean, I think as a girl, we all usually know when someone is just showcasing themselves. But more important, YOU know what you’re intention is, you know it getting dressed and you know it when you’re walking around.

So the only thing else to really be aware of then is to be sensitive to what others find innappropriate. Like, I guess if you KNOW what people around you find immodest, just covering up a little more than normal.
 
40.png
Christian4life:
I see what you mean because some guys are obsessed with feet, and it’s not a factor in whether or not to go barefoot because that’s THIER problem. Simply having feet doesn’t send a message.
Click to expand...
:whacky: :o That reminds me of the first time I met a nephew in-law years ago. I noticed that he kept looking at my feet! I was wearing basic flats at the time and I couldn’t imagine what he was looking at. He later mentioned that he found women’s feet attractive! :eek:
I guess as far as feet are concerned, if a woman wears 3 inch spiked heels or some sort of wild fashion shoes, it might send the wrong message.

A good rule of thumb is to visualize what a woman would want to wear if she was going to visit in Mary’s home or if she was going somewhere with Mary, the Mother of God. If Mary is our model, we shouldn’t have much problem deciding if our appearance is modest or not.

I agree with the others that a woman with nice legs wearing a modest knee length skirt is not immodest IF her behavior/manner is also modest.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top