Another wedding scandal question

[AnthonyD10]

My sister (the bride) recently got engaged and everyone couldn’t be happier. That being said a family fight has broken out over the grooms sister. She is a homosexual who tends to be more on the boyish side. The bride informed the family that the grooms sister will be dressing in a tux and walking down the isle with one of the bridesmaids. My father thinks this leads into the sin of scandal and started the whole fight. So I wanted to ask…what do you think? I’m struggling on this one because I see both sides. Thanks

 

[1ke]

My father thinks this leads into the sin of scandal

Perhaps your father has a misguided notion of what scandal actually is.

A woman dressing in a tuxedo is not scandal. Dressing in a tuxedo is not inherently sinful. Dressing in a tuxedo does not lead other people to commit a sin. Scandal isn’t just something that bucks social norms, it has to be, in itself, a sinful thing you are doing or leading others to do. Scandal is often misunderstood.

I would suggest your sister discuss it with the priest, and if he OKs the attire, that’s the end of it. I do know some parishes are very strict on attire, such as bridesmaids and brides not exposing shoulders, etc. I don’t know about bridesmaid wearing tuxedos. But, I seriously doubt this is a problem.

Certainly not something to go to the mat over, IMHO.

 

[Xanthippe_Voorhees]

My sister (the bride) recently got engaged and everyone couldn’t be happier. That being said a family fight has broken out over the grooms sister. She is a homosexual who tends to be more on the boyish side. The bride informed the family that the grooms sister will be dressing in a tux and walking down the isle with one of the bridesmaids. My father thinks this leads into the sin of scandal and started the whole fight. So I wanted to ask…what do you think? I’m struggling on this one because I see both sides. Thanks

Oh good grief.

Bridesmaid’s dresses or other clothing are not dictated by the Church. For that matter, the Bride doesn’t even have to wear a dress. So long as she’s modest it really doesn’t matter.

This is just another silly fight between two people who want control. This is no more silly than a “scandal” because the bride wants to wear a blue dress but is a virgin or because the mother of the bride picked a dress that SO clashes with the theme.

Honestly, Hubby and I did matron of honor/Best man and did not have a circus of bridesmaids and groomsmen at our disposal.

There are no “both sides”. Clothing is clothing.

Unless there’s something more we’re missing (ie the sister wants to walk up with her girlfriend and kiss her) than it’s really a non-issue.

 

[Lou2U]

Your father is massively overreacting. There’s nothing wrong with women wanting to wear a tux. Even if he doesn’t like it, it isn’t his wedding - he doesn’t get to make that kind of call.

 

[TheLittleLady]

Perhaps your father has a misguided notion of what scandal actually is.

A woman dressing in a tuxedo is not scandal. Dressing in a tuxedo is not inherently sinful. Dressing in a tuxedo does not lead other people to commit a sin. Scandal isn’t just something that bucks social norms, it has to be, in itself, a sinful thing you are doing or leading others to do. Scandal is often misunderstood.

I would suggest your sister discuss it with the priest, and if he OKs the attire, that’s the end of it. I do know some parishes are very strict on attire, such as bridesmaids and brides not exposing shoulders, etc. I don’t know about bridesmaid wearing tuxedos. But, I seriously doubt this is a problem.

Certainly not something to go to the mat over, IMHO.

This.

I’ve not worn a dress/skirt for two decades. Would wear a pantsuit were I asked to be a bridal attendant.

 

[1Lord1Faith]

I don’t think the fact that the groom’s sister wants to wear a tux is really the issue here. I think the issue is that she is going to be paired in the wedding party with a bridesmaid.

 

[1ke]

I don’t think the fact that the groom’s sister wants to wear a tux is really the issue here. I think the issue is that she is going to be paired in the wedding party with a bridesmaid.

Good catch. I read that as waking down the aisle “as” a bridesmaid not “with” a bridesmaid.

That is something the priest needs to weigh in on.

 

[Usige]

I don’t think the fact that the groom’s sister wants to wear a tux is really the issue here. I think the issue is that she is going to be paired in the wedding party with a bridesmaid.

That was my take too. If there are 4 bridesmaids and 4 grooms"men" the biggest issue I see is if there are 3 male/female pairs and then a female/female pair and treating the last pair as essentially the same as the first 3.

It’s less about what they wear than if it’s giving a nod to her “boyish” nature and making her “one of the guys”.

 

[Xanthippe_Voorhees]

I don’t think the fact that the groom’s sister wants to wear a tux is really the issue here. I think the issue is that she is going to be paired in the wedding party with a bridesmaid.

What’s the big deal with that? Two of my SIL’s had way more girls than my brothers did guys. By the end, two girls walked up together because there weren’t any guys left. They were very much not “gay” couples, rather just paired up because my brother had a best man, and his two brothers (so 3 groomsmen) and my SIL had 3 sisters, 2 cousins who lived next door and were like sisters to her and a best friend. (total of 6 including maid of honor)

I know a family of 8 with only 2 girls. The young man had his 6 brothers in the wedding and the woman had only her 2 sisters and a couple friends (so 4 vs 6) The two youngest brothers (both still over 18) came up together.

So long as they aren’t coupled off what’s the issue?

 

[AdamP88]

My sister…who is not homosexual…wanted to wear a tux to my wedding purely cos she thought they look cool…my mother and me both just said no…sorry…wear the normal expected attire.

Weddings are one of those things where people have to compromise. In this case I’d say the groom’s sister should just conform to what people normally wear on these days (and to normal behaviour for such events). Otherwise she risks taking the focus off the bride and groom.

 

[Lou2U]

I think it’s different in that you didn’t want your sister to wear a tux. The OP’s sister doesn’t have an issue with it, so unless the Church does, she should be able to wear it.

 

[AdamP88]

My point was that a big event such as a wedding is not really the place to express your individuality/flaunt your personal style, or the relationship you’re in/type of lifestyle you live.

 

[heidi_storage]

Not your circus, not your monkeys. Don’t engage when your family tries to tell you about this matter. Just be kind and gracious and leave your sister to deal with this mess.

 

[Xanthippe_Voorhees]

My point was that a big event such as a wedding is not really the place to express your individuality/flaunt your personal style, or the relationship you’re in/type of lifestyle you live.

At the same time, it is not the place to force someone to wear clothing that they are uncomfortable with. If she always wears a tux, telling her she needs to wear a dress is incredibly rude.

 

[AnthonyD10]

Thank everyone for their replies. Interesting to hear everyone’s point of view. I understand that the clothing isn’t really the issue here. The problem I feel is the walking down with the bridesmaid and standing on the guys side for the sake of comfort. I think we just feel as if the day shouldn’t be about your individualism but more about the bride and groom. We also understand that it isn’t our wedding (even though my father is paying for it). Not trying to force anything here. Thanks all.

 

[AdamP88]

Well…I don’t agree. Normally those in the wedding party will wear what they are told in keeping with the colour scheme or theme that the Bride and Groom choose.