Anti-family jokes

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Black_Jaque

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I am trying to collect a bunch of jokes, cartoons, and jocular comments about children, parenthood, and marriage that cast the family in a bad light. Not that I enjoy these jokes, but rather as a collection of evidence of the current cultural thinking.

I believe that humor is used today as a sort of shield to be able to say what you really think. We say something mean, but in a jocular way, then if someone calls us on it, we can back-pedal and say “I was just joking”.

Right now I have a Dilbert (c) cartoon that shows a janitor advising Dilbert to get married and have lots of kids. Then suddenly you won’t believe how much you like your job.

There’s also a joke that goes something like this: A microbiologist, a priest, and an elderly grandfather were arguing over when life begins. “Life begins at birth,” says the microbiologist. “Life begins at conception,” says the priest. “No, life begins after the last kid leaves the house, and the dog dies,” says the old grandfather.

And some jocular comments I’ve heard from a close relative after they found out we were expecting our 4th. “YESSS! More kids! But the best part is, we don’t have to have them.” This relative said this to his wife, and in the presence of their own children.

If these were the exception, rather than the rule I might laugh. But I think if a number of people chime in, it will be apparent that this style of humor is really sick.

And if you post to this thread, I intend to copy them down and use them as “evidence” to illustrate why contraception is wrong.
 
Okay. I think I see where you are coming from.

My wife asked her doctor how long it took to get over delivering a baby. He answered, " About eighteen years."
 
The only reason my parents did not get a divorce was because neither one wanted SOLE CUSTODY of the children.
 
Well, this isn’t technically anti-family, but anti-nfp.

I was in one of my nursing classes and we had to give presentations on a community service project that we had to do. One girl volunteered at a Catholic pregnancy crisis center. She wasn’t Catholic, but part of her presenation she briefly talked about the church’s teachings about contraception, etc. At the end of her presentation the teacher, of all people, cracked that old joke of “what do ya call people who practice nfp? Parents”… ! :mad:

Of course, the entire class laughed. I just thought it was so sickening coming from the teacher.
 
The most common quip from friends and family when I tell them (yet again) that I am pregnant:

“better you than me”
 
I found this one especially appropriate:

A couple desperate to have a baby went to their priest and asked him to pray for them. “Next week I am going to Rome, and while I am there I will light a candle for you,” he replied.
Three years later, the priest returned to his parish and went to see the young couple’s house. He found the wife pregnant and busy tending to two sets of twins. The priest felt very elated and asked the woman where her husband was so that he could congratulate him.

“He has gone away for a while,” came the harried reply.

“Where has he gone?” asked the priest.

She replied, “To Rome, to blow the damn candle out!”
 
You guys had better all be nice to your kids. They will determine how and where you spend your old age.
 
I went to the state fair yesterday, and saw a sign on one of the vendors’ booths that made me think of this thread.

“Pets welcome. Children must be leashed.”

Ugh! Yes, I know there are plenty of parents out there who have not bothered to teach their children how to behave properly (the vendor was selling hammocks or chairs that are hammocky in style), but still. I’m sure there are some who think that’s the height of wit, but it certainly struck me as fitting for this thread.
 
Here is one that I heard back when Catholics practiced the Rhythm Method of birth control:

Question: What is the Rhythm Method of Birth Control called?
Answer: Roman Roulette

Question: What do you call people who practice Roman Roulette?
Answer: Parents!
 
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