Anxiety regarding marriage + Religious life?

[abbap]

Hello all,

I’ve been dealing with anxiety in regards to whether or not I should get married or join religious life. I find both peace and fear when thinking about both of these things, but right now my heart desires that I may one day be married and have a family - I think this is something I’ve always desired. But I’ve been struggling with the thought of religious life for some years now and it’s like a thing I can’t get out of my head, though I hardly ever fantasize about it or even have a true will/want to join. Yes, there are things about marriage that are scary to me, but it is still something I long for. I think there are also scary aspects of religious life as well, but not something that is very desirable to me (right now).

This anxiety has spiked again since making a quick visit to the local Carmelite Sisters the other day.
I absolutely adore these sisters and have been on retreat with them before, but didn’t feel it was something I can do. I suppose it’s normal for any decent Catholic to find peace and love when seeing sisters/religious people like them…I mean they exude such joy! But I seem to confuse myself into thinking that just because I feel these things means I’m meant to be one of them…even when my heart doesn’t feel truly drawn to it. And when I think of being a religious, I sometimes get so worked up that I feel physically ill (probably out of my own selfishness - something I need to work on).

I’ve been to a spiritual director and he basically said that if I feel the urge to be married, to aim for that vocation. And if God wanted me to become a religious, He would make that known to me no doubt, so long as I remain faithful to Him each day (which I try to do).

I guess my concern is - am I being scrupulous with thoughts of religious life when my hearts desire is to be married? Should I just recognize those thoughts for what they are and continue to focus on one day being married? I’ve never been in a legit relationship before, but am doing what I can to get there by meeting people. Also, because of my lack of experience, it makes me think I’m either doing something wrong or maybe this isn’t the vocation for me, even though I want it to be? I’ve heard that usually what one desires in the depths of their heart is also what God desires, but then also have read: ‘It is sometimes the sign of a vocation when a person fears that God may be calling her; when she prays not to have it and cannot banish the thought from her mind. If the vocation is sound, it will eventually give place to attraction’ - so it just has me all confused and worried!!

That was long-winded. I just so desperately want to do right by God and do His will and I think the devil is trying to get me down in thinking whatever I do won’t be good enough. Am I being scrupulous or should I be legitimately concerned?

Any advice is much appreciated. Thank you!

 

[Bluebright]

Yes also been there, well not the exact same situation but the same confusion. I agree with the poster before me, pray times a million and also recommend adoration. I just wanted to add something , patience… God has it, the devil does not. I have read that is how to tell the difference between temptations and God’s will… patience. God will gently and loving be persistent in his call even if we go the wrong way he’ll change things so we can still get there, remember who he is and that he goes before us. The devil gets bored and moves on to an easier target and may try again but this is the pattern. I have seen this and it makes sense if you think about it, entering into religious life requires nothing but endless patience, even when you do decide so, you are often told to wait. Much the same with marriage, you have to find someone then get to know them and then it may turn out you aren’t suited and then you start all over again etc. So patience is God’s way. Trust in God, give him your burden and stress and he will take it from you and let him show you the way… in his own time. God bless.

 

[JimR-OCDS]

Remember the call to religious life is not a command, but an invitation.

God is allowing you to follow your heart.

Say yes to marriage and no to a religious life isn’t saying no to God as many feel they’re doing when they reject the religious life.

JIm

 

[nunsuch]

As a married person, you can become a member of a Third Order, or an Oblate, or an Associate. All are open to those who are married, and all will incorporate you into a religious community.

 

[JimR-OCDS]

I would suggest praying and learning about St Theresa of Lisieux’s parents. Louis Martin and Marie Zelie Guerin Martin. Before they got married, they too thought they were being called to religious life. Both ended up leaving as they realized they were being called to married life instead.

 

[Divine3]

Peace. Desire. Invitation. God invites even when someone truly is called to religious life. He never forces us into a vocation. He might knock someone off their horse or camel like he did with the zealous Saul soon to be Paul. But that is not the usual way He invites. If you are at peace with marriage and desire that vocation (sacrament) these a wholesome desires. Pray, seek direction, be open and be at peace…you will discover your vocation. Also stay close to the Mother of God who never said no to God. She will help you.

 

[JHFamily]

Given the comment of your spiritual director, I would say, yes, you are being scrupulous. He laid it pretty bare for you, in my opinion. I’ve seen several people that would not just accept the desires of their heart, and it resulted in many years of anxiety and many years of chasing a vocation they weren’t called to. I just don’t believe that’s what God wants of us.