Any advice on how to deal with criticism?

[Rozellelily]

I have an issue with criticism.
I don’t mean positive criticism or just objective criticism because those things are good and help you grow but I mean more with put downs.
I feel that I am not reaching my full potential because I fear others criticism/put down and then when they do it,I “shrink” (so to speak).

Is there a better way that I can look at this and deal with this?
Is there a way to maintain relationships but at the same time being less concerned about others opinions of you?

 

[heidi_storage]

“Good relationships” have nothing to do with worrying about others’ criticisms. In fact, growing a thicker skin will improve your relationships, most probably.

It’s hard to recalibrate an oversensitive criticism detector. Assuming that you are not primarily interacting with bullies or hypercritical people, you should believe that others have the best intentions and are not trying to put you down, unless they are very explicit about doing so. Example: a remark from an older person: “Wow, what a lot of kids! You have your hands full!” should not be construed as criticizing your reproductive decisions or parenting or children’s character; smile and respond pleasantly.

On the other hand, with persistently hypercritical people, you might need to help them become less so or limit their opportunity to criticize you–leave the room, engage in shallow conversations, not see them so often. What you do depends on your relationship with them.

But your first step is just to stop caring so much, which takes time, practice, and deliberation. As you find yourself shrinking in anticipation of criticism, stop yourself and go boldly forth. You’ll get better if you work at it. Also learn to find the “Off” switch to your inner editor, who can be harsher than anyone; your inner editor is valuable, but can seriously hamper the early stages of a creative project. (I find thinking of an actual “off switch” and imagining flipping it helps me. Whatever works.) If the voices in your head aren’t reinforcing negativity from without, you will develop a great deal more resilience.

 

[Trident_H]

Put downs. Bullying. Insensitivity.

Yeah. I get it. Pain dished out for pain’s own sake.

And now you’re here asking how to deal with it in a fair way. You’re asking how you can handle it in a better way so it doesn’t hurt as much as it does.

Well I’ve sort of got 2 ways of looking at stuff like this. Of course there’s the advice to stand up stronger and just get tougher. And of course I’m gonna hand you that advice too because it makes sense and gives you a fighting chance to be you even if there’s a strong headwind.

But I’m also gonna slip you a nod and tip my hat down at you a bit. I’m also gonna tell you in a straight and fair way that I really don’t want you to get too thick a skin either. Because I’m always sort of aware that when others dig into us and draw blood? Well it usually means 2 things. It usually means we’re doing something that mean people hate. And it also usually means you’ve got a sensitive heart that gets what its like to feel hurt. You get it and you understand it in a deep way. And because you get it? You’re much less likely to go out of your way to hurt anyone else.

So my suggestion’s really this. For every bit of pain you get handed? Give back a share of kindness in an equal way to someone else instead. Don’t let anyone stomp your spirit. And don’t let your understanding of hurt go to waste.

I think if you can learn to see put-downs as a fuel for something positive? I think then and there they’ll lose all power over you.

Hopefully.

Peace.