Any advice on this mess!

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rweidn

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Here is my dilemna:

I am not from a religious background but about 17 years ago i went on an Alpha Course at a local Baptist Church and shortly afterwards became a Christian. My wife (who was not my wife at the time) was and is a lapsed Catholic and at the time we had not been together long. I became quite evangelical and, unfortunately, i broke off the relationship. I just wasn’t sure at the time if it could work going out with a non-believer. However we did get back together and over time i stopped going to Church. Fast forward to now and we have been married for 15 years and we have a 3 year old son. Our marraige is good and i think the world of her. We were not married in a Catholic Church. My wife now wants our son to go to a Catholic School and i had no qualms about that, so we put his name down, had him christened and started attending the local Catholic Church.For a time both of us were attending and more recently just me. So then the Priest asks me to go on an Evangelum Course and, guess what, i do and my faith comes back big time. Also i find myself really drawn to the Catholic faith. I am not of the opinion that only Catholics find salvation but i do believe the Catholic Church plays a unique role in salvation and i want to join. Praise God, you say? Well yes, no doubt, i am amazed at the way God has worked in my life to bring me back to Church. But the problem is my wife doesn’t see it that way. She is worried i may become ‘brainwashed’ etc and no doubt she is concerned about our relationship. I have really tried to reassure her but it is really hard. And i have just realised that not being married in Church may prevent me from becoming a Catholic and i do not imagine my wife would want to get remarried in Church. This is really stressing me out, i am praying about it several times a day and just don’t know what to do. I have decided that i will not be leaving a Church for the second time in my life, it brings me too much that is good into my life and there is too much at stake. Any advice greatly appreciated.
 
Take things one step at a time.

First talk to your pastor, your marriage situation is easily remedied with a radical sanation. This does not require a new exchange of consent (vows). If this is the first and only marriage for the two of you, radical sanation should be easy for the pastor to complete.

As for your wife’s fears, the only way to alleviate those is by example-- don’t get into such a religious fervor that you join every group and volunteer for everything under the sun. Some people get very caught up in their new found community and end up at church 4, 5, or more nights a week with the men’s club, bible study, volunteering at the food pantry, singing in the choir or whatever. Just make sure you don’t start to build up all these involvements from which she feels excluded.

Take your time. Bring her along slowly.
 
Welcome! 👋

I agree with 1ke. Take things one step at a time. And that first step is to sit down with your pastor.
 
Agree with the others and keep praying.

Prayers for your family.

Peace
 
why would your wife want your son to go to Catholic school if she is so fearful of God?
 
It’s where she went to school and the school is well recommended. We both know the world to be somethng of a rotten place and both want him to have a chance at something better.
 
Could it be that your wife simply fears that this could tear your marriage apart? I mean because you say you broke with her previously, before you were married, as she was a non-believer back then also.

Edit: Sorry, I just realized that you state that this is probably the case.
rweidn said:
She is worried i may become ‘brainwashed’ etc and no doubt she is concerned about our relationship. I have really tried to reassure her but it is really hard.
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I think that prayer and reassuring her are the only way forward. I agree with what the 1ke and Joe said too, about taking it slowly.

Maybe you could try saying the Lord’s Prayer together at your child’s bedtime.
 
when you are all together, (dinner?) ask your son what he learned today, and develop that into a discussion of the religious elements and especially Jesus. perhaps this will be less threatening for her. hopefully, it’s a good catholic school and not like some that have dropped most theology.
 
  1. First, relax.
  2. Talk to the pastor about your marital situation and if either of you have been married before. If not, it should be pretty easy to have a radical sanation or a convalidation of your marriage. If it is the convalidation, it can be a very simple ceremony of just you and her and maybe a witness or two. It can be done anytime and shouldn’t take much time at all. The priest can help and explain this better. Either option is not overly complex and shouldn’t scare your wife about having a “second” wedding.
  3. If either of you was married previously, discuss this with the priest to get it straightened out.
  4. I’m glad you faith has awakened. I’m in a similar situation. I converted from Baptist background, my wife is only culturally Catholic and does not attend. You have to be patient, loving, and committed to her and your family. As Scripture says, a Christian must take care of his own home. As others noted, don’t jump into every single group and activity possible. Take it slow, and invite your wife along to some fun family events at first.
  5. Pray for your wife. and then pray some more. Light a candle at Mass each week.
  6. Speak to your priest about RCIA. It is a class for those interested in the faith to learn more about it, and if they feel ready, to join the Church. That way you can learn more about the Catholic faith and answer any questions you and she may have. Invite her to join you in class if she wants.
  7. Love you wife. Love her with the sacrificial self-giving love that Christ showed on the cross.
 
rweidn said:
And i have just realized that not being married in Church may prevent me from becoming a Catholic and i do not imagine my wife would want to get remarried in Church. This is really stressing me out, i am praying about it several times a day and just don’t know what to do. . . . . Any advice greatly appreciated.
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Having your marriage recognized by the Church is relatively simple and quick. Just speak to your pastor about it.

Welcome Home brother!
 
Certainly doesn’t sound like a “mess”. 😉

Your wife just has concerns that this will change you and change your relationship. You just need to be sensitive to her concerns, ease into things as others have suggested, and show by your actions that this will make you a better person and your marriage better. Ask her what specific concerns she may have so you can address any, in consultation with your priest if needed.

Does she have any specific concerns regarding how this will impact her? eg she may be worried about impliciations regarding contraception.
 
Your situation isn’t hopeless.

If your wife is fearful of and refuses to have a small marriage ceremony,
there is a remedy,

RADICAL SANATION

[http:

//www.ewtn.com/vexperts/showmessage.asp?number=465549](http://www.ewtn.com/vexperts/showmessage.asp?number=465549)RADICAL SANATION

Excerpt

" A radical sanation is a decree issued by the diocesan bishop stating that he accepts the original consent of the marriage as valid. A radical sanation is usually sought when one party to the marriage does not want to participate in a new ceremony for some reason (e.g., because of belief in conscience)."
 
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