Any advice please about dealing with a mother who disapproves of Catholicism!

[Grimble]

I’m going to start RCIA when it begins at the end of the month and I’m so looking forward to it. It’s been something that I’ve been working towards for over the last 10 years, a real journey of personal discovery and change. I’m really excited and scared in a way!

Here’s the situation.
After talking this Sunday afternoon to my mother on the phone I mentioned that when she comes to stay with my family over Christmas I’ll be popping out to Church. She questioned me on what church and I told her that I’m going to visit some friends in a Catholic Church. She said, ‘oh Graham no…’ and I changed the subject before ending the call as our family dinner was ready!
She has expressed before that she thinks the Church is full of ‘perverts’ (Due to watching the wonderful media coverage we get over here in the UK) and now I’m thinking perhaps I should of kept it to myself.
I guess I just don’t want to lie, and be honest in my life and in my continuing journey, something I want to share, celebrate and feel positive about.

I’m now feeling a bit shakey, I’m tired of trying to defend myself and looking for some sort of approval, I mean I am 46 with a wonderful wife and 2 children, and my wife is incredibly supportive! I guess I just don’t know how to approach my mother now on the subject, as she’s sure to mention her disapproval on this at some point, it could put a real cloud over Christmas.
Any ideas?!

 

[Xanthippe_Voorhees]

Focus on the things that you both agree on and stay away from the things that trouble her.

Is she a Christian? Does she hold any non-profit as a particularly stellar example of humanity? Does she have an affinity for a task or occupation that may be relatable to a saint?

Also, out of curiosity, are your wife and children also converting? That will shape some of my further answers.

 

[Grimble]

Hi there and thanks.
She’s not a Christian and has no interest, I believe she does blame the lost of my father 20 years ago on God, but has never practiced either before or after. I think this dates back ever further to losing her mother and father. But always shuns any spiritual conversation.

My wife was bought up in Wales and practiced in Welsh Chapels, being independent churches. She does have an adoration to Mary and some of the Saints but at the moment is happy to ‘be’ at the moment.
Thanks.

 

[Xanthippe_Voorhees]

Hi there and thanks.
She’s not a Christian and has no interest, I believe she does blame the lost of my father 20 years ago on God, but has never practiced either before or after. I think this dates back ever further to losing her mother and father. But always shuns any spiritual conversation.

My wife was bought up in Wales and practiced in Welsh Chapels, being independent churches. She does have an adoration to Mary and some of the Saints but at the moment is happy to ‘be’ at the moment.
Thanks.

What about your children?

As far as your mother. Well, the first thing would be to leave spirituality out of this, then. Again, what does she like, what is she passionate about? How did you connect with her before your conversion? What does she value?

For instance, Christmas can be a very special time and the loss of traditions (even if they are very “lost” traditions being without Christ) are very important to people. The thought of “loosing” you for a couple hours on a day important to her might be more than she can bear. Could you, perhaps, go to a midnight Mass when she is asleep? Given your wife would not be attending your children would be cared for. Yes, you might be extra tired, but your mom would not “loose” her time.

 

[Grimble]

Thanks, I think you’re right. Best keep a bit quiet on the subject, and I’ll find the best times for Mass over Christmas, and I know that won’t be a problem. It’s incredibly important to me, and I’ll have to answer questions at some point, but I’ll keep it light and simple, diverting elsewhere.

My son, he’s my step-son and he was baptised in their local church in Wales at the time. My daughter has not yet been baptised, this is something that me and my wife will have to come to an agreement on. Which is fine by me, I’m not going to force anything on anyone. Saying that, today they all came to Church with me!

I was baptised in Church of England (Anglican), so my mother must of been at some point, practicing. But saying that, people over here do these things as ‘It’s the thing everyone does’ and leave it at that.

 

[joeybaggz]

I’m going to start RCIA when it begins at the end of the month and I’m so looking forward to it. It’s been something that I’ve been working towards for over the last 10 years, a real journey of personal discovery and change. I’m really excited and scared in a way!

I’m now feeling a bit shakey, I’m tired of trying to defend myself and looking for some sort of approval, I mean I am 46 with a wonderful wife and 2 children, and my wife is incredibly supportive! I guess I just don’t know how to approach my mother now on the subject, as she’s sure to mention her disapproval on this at some point, it could put a real cloud over Christmas.
Any ideas?!

Respectfully listen to her opinion, then ignore it. You are 46, old enough for you own decisions and choices. Parents are to give their children two things, roots and wings. It is your life, your happiness, your belief. If she doesn’t approve, that is her problem.

And you might point out that the number of Catholic priests who have been involved in the scandal over the past thirty years is less than 1%. And that is the number of all accused, not the convicted. In the United States, a child is eight times more likely to be abused or molested by a public school teacher than by a Catholic Priest. It is just that public school systems have a liability of no more than about $150,00.00. It isn’t worth an attorney’s time and money to pursue. That is left to State’s attorney generals and public defenders (unless the accused hires private counsel)

 

[Xanthippe_Voorhees]

Respectfully listen to her opinion, then ignore it. You are 46, old enough for you own decisions and choices. Parents are to give their children two things, roots and wings. It is you life, your happiness, your belief. If she doesn’t approve, that is her problem.

And you might point out that the number of Catholic priests who have been involved in the scandal over the past thirty years is less than 1%. And that is the number of all accused, not the convicted. In the United States, a child is eight times more likely to be abused or molested by a public school teacher than by a Catholic Priest. It is just that public school systems have a liability of no more than about $150,00.00. It isn’t worth an attorney’s time and money to pursue. That is left to State’s attorney generals and public defenders (unless the accused hires private counsel)

While the truth can provide clarity for a Catholic, it is TERRIBLE to simply say “well X organization is FAR worse”. That is not a comfort, it’s a pure disgrace.

 

[Roseeurekacross]

Grumble congratulations. I am in one of the most notorious global Diocese for institutional child sex abuse. We don’t hide it, we admit it happened. We talk about it, offer supports needed, My Bishop has implemented measures so it never happens again.

So tell your mum, yes it happened, yes there were evil people in the church, yes, they are on trial, in jail, paying for their crimes.

But it hasn’t stopped or destroyed the Church.

Keeping quiet isn’t the answer, being forthright, honest and discussing the issue to put it in perspective is the way. There are more Priests, religious and laity who are not paedophiles then there have been in the church

 

[Xanthippe_Voorhees]

Grumble congratulations. I am in one of the most notorious global Diocese for institutional child sex abuse. We don’t hide it, we admit it happened. We talk about it, offer supports needed, My Bishop has implemented measures so it never happens again.

So tell your mum, yes it happened, yes there were evil people in the church, yes, they are on trial, in jail, paying for their crimes.

But it hasn’t stopped or destroyed the Church.

Exactly this! We must show the Church is repentant and the strides they have gone to to protect and administer to those injured. There is no organization that has made such incredible strides.

 

[joeybaggz]

While the truth can provide clarity for a Catholic, it is TERRIBLE to simply say “well X organization is FAR worse”. That is not a comfort, it’s a pure disgrace.

Making no accusatory moral judgment, simply stating a fact for comparison. The truth is the truth. Sorry if it isn’t always pleasant. (And I feel sorry for public school teachers too, who are besmirched by the actions of others.)

 

[Roseeurekacross]

It’s only going to get worse with the media around Cardinal Pell when he goes on trial.

October 6 , how many weeks is that…

 

[Xanthippe_Voorhees]

Making no accusatory moral judgment, simply stating a fact for comparison. The truth is the truth. Sorry if it isn’t always pleasant. (And I feel sorry for public school teachers too, who are besmirched by the actions of others.)

But for someone who is against the church, making that sort of comparison is not going to help. It is the truth. However, simply stating how bad other people are got us into the political mess that we’re currently in.

 

[Roseeurekacross]

We can’t make comparisons. People don’t want to hear that. People want to hear it happened, it’s being addressed. Survivors and those affected need our love and support. Their Bishop is listening, their congregation is listening.

 

[joeybaggz]

joeybaggz:

Making no accusatory moral judgment, simply stating a fact for comparison. The truth is the truth. Sorry if it isn’t always pleasant. (And I feel sorry for public school teachers too, who are besmirched by the actions of others.)

But for someone who is against the church, making that sort of comparison is not going to help. It is the truth. However, simply stating how bad other people are got us into the political mess that we’re currently in.

We can’t make comparisons. People don’t want to hear that. People want to hear it happened, it’s being addressed. Survivors and those affected need our love and support. Their Bishop is listening, their congregation is listening.

I don’t disagree with your points. The problem is, when it comes to the dominant liberal media, their efforts and bias have the Catholic Church so far down the rabbit hole, that any shred of truth needs to be offered in defense of the good men of the church who have not had anything to do with the actions of a few.

A male gym teacher in a public school molests a 15 year old female student, and it is in section 3, page 5, bottom left column. Let someone accuse a catholic priest and it’s front page.

I guess I’m a bit different that you. I prefer to fight, I’m sick of listening to people bad mouth the RCC and no one does anything but smile when they spit in our face. I no longer will listen to jokes that start, “did you hear about the Catholic priest and the cub scout?” etc, etc. I tell people to their face that offends me and to take it somewhere else. And I’m tired of people who say we need to be Christ like and suffer the crap we do, because Jesus did not fight back. He wasn’t supposed to. Maybe a few more of us ought to be a lot more assertive in our response, instead of weakly smiling and accepting the slander as “good Christian/Catholics”

 

[Xanthippe_Voorhees]

But Joey, we aren’t discussing defending the Church to the Media, we’re talking about how to build a relationship with one’s mother. This is also not an antagonistic co-worker. There are very few people in the world who loves the OP as much as his mother.

As a mother, who has a mother and 3 brothers, I know very well that the “well so and so is worse” argument will get you nowhere.

We can be as personally fed up with the media as we can tolerate but it is NOT relationship building to try and to defend sin with more sin?

 

[joeybaggz]

But Joey, we aren’t discussing defending the Church to the Media, we’re talking about how to build a relationship with one’s mother. This is also not an antagonistic co-worker. There are very few people in the world who loves the OP as much as his mother.

As a mother, who has a mother and 3 brothers, I know very well that the “well so and so is worse” argument will get you nowhere.

We can be as personally fed up with the media as we can tolerate but it is NOT relationship building to try and to defend sin with more sin?

True, the discussion has wandered from the OP’s original intent. So, I’m willing to agree to disagree. As to the media, I’ m not interested in building a relationship with them. I’m will to simply cite the facts. And I can’t see how the truthful facts are sin???

 

[Xanthippe_Voorhees]

True, the discussion has wandered from the OP’s original intent. So, I’m willing to agree to disagree. As to the media, I’ m not interested in building a relationship with them. I’m will to simply cite the facts. And I can’t see how the truthful facts are sin???

Let’s keep the focus on how a son can speak to his mother.

When I speak of sin, I’m talking about how the sins of the church cannot, and should not, be whitewashed by the sins of other organizations–however serious they are.

 

[Roseeurekacross]

guess I’m a bit different that you. I prefer to fight, I’m sick of listening to people bad mouth the RCC and no one does anything but smile when they spit in our face. I no longer will listen to jokes that start, “did you hear about the Catholic priest and the cub scout?” etc, etc. I tell people to their face that offends me and to take it somewhere else. And I’m tired of people who say we need to be Christ like and suffer the crap we do, because Jesus did not fight back. He wasn’t supposed to. Maybe a few more of us ought to be a lot more assertive in our response, instead of weakly smiling and accepting the slander as “good Christian/Catholics”

The fight is now in building the church back up, building trust back up. In getting catholics back in church.

There is no fight about whether it happened or what happened.

It happened . End of story. It cant be un happened.

We arent suffering, in my Diocese. We are dealing with it, in all honesty and with love. You cant sit with the mother of a survivor and deny it. You cant sit with a survivor and deny it.
you cant read the letters and information from your Bishop and deny it.
you cant run a media gauntlet through a loud fence and deny it.

It happened. As I said, my Diocese is one of the most notorious , globally for this. And in exactly 19 days, its going to be all over Global media again.

We deal with it with love and charity and we listen