any advice?

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richardsgirl

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Hi,

I wonder if anyone can offer me some advice. I left school about three years ago and I still feel really bad about the way things were back then, as I fell out with some of the friends I had known for years. It was a difficult time and I can’t help but dwell on it now. I would say that I was to blame for some of it due to general immaturity but a lot down to the fact that they changed a lot (got into boys and drinking and developed a rather high opinion of themselves) and I no longer fit the bill. They started excluding me and acting strangely and it was most upsetting. That’s my interpretation anyway.
One girl in particular, at the end of school she suddenly just stopped talking to me and wouldn’t give a reason why. She can be a bit weird about things anyway… but this was upsetting and I still question why and what I did. I can see there was some stuff about my behaviour that could have been better though and I’m finding it difficult to be at peace.
Anyway the other day I emailed her for the first time since then and kept it short, light and friendly (just asked what she was up to etc) … she did reply but her answer was markedly lacking the ‘friendly’ part. I’m wondering what to say back, if anything… do I apologise, ask what was the problem? I’d like to clear the air and somehow make amends, not be friends but just so I can move on I suppose… What would you suggest?
Thank you

Sarah
 
Hi,

I wonder if anyone can offer me some advice. I left school about three years ago and I still feel really bad about the way things were back then, as I fell out with some of the friends I had known for years. It was a difficult time and I can’t help but dwell on it now. I would say that I was to blame for some of it due to general immaturity but a lot down to the fact that they changed a lot (got into boys and drinking and developed a rather high opinion of themselves) and I no longer fit the bill. They started excluding me and acting strangely and it was most upsetting. That’s my interpretation anyway.
One girl in particular, at the end of school she suddenly just stopped talking to me and wouldn’t give a reason why. She can be a bit weird about things anyway… but this was upsetting and I still question why and what I did. I can see there was some stuff about my behaviour that could have been better though and I’m finding it difficult to be at peace.
Anyway the other day I emailed her for the first time since then and kept it short, light and friendly (just asked what she was up to etc) … she did reply but her answer was markedly lacking the ‘friendly’ part. I’m wondering what to say back, if anything… do I apologise, ask what was the problem? I’d like to clear the air and somehow make amends, not be friends but just so I can move on I suppose… What would you suggest?
Thank you

Sarah
 
perhaps…send her a second email with a polite apology.What more can you do but tell her basically what you’ve said here…You were all young and mistakes were made,perhaps she will then open a dialogue and explain her role in the past events.If not,well…At least you will be comfortable with yourself,knowing that you did as much as you could.
 
mammallama said:
perhaps…send her a second email with a polite apology.What more can you do but tell her basically what you’ve said here…You were all young and mistakes were made,perhaps she will then open a dialogue and explain her role in the past events.If not,well…At least you will be comfortable with yourself,knowing that you did as much as you could.
Click to expand...
Excellent advise. Offer your apology and then move on if the response is curt.
 
Well, I reply to the email telling her how you feel. Tell her how you regret the way you acted back then. I don’t know your life, but if you feel like you’ve done wrong to her then you should apologize. And don’t beat yourself up about the past, what’s done is done. Looking at your profile I can see your Catholic. I would recommend making a good sacramental confession if you feel you should confess these things, it will make you feel better. Just relax, pray about this, and let it go. Oh and hey, I could use some help myself, look for posts by ironman62292, in fact I think mine is right below yours. But just remember, pray. Prayer is the ultimate remedy to anything, I mean your talking to God, what’s better than that?
 
richardsgirl said:
Hi,

I wonder if anyone can offer me some advice. I left school about three years ago and I still feel really bad about the way things were back then, as I fell out with some of the friends I had known for years. It was a difficult time and I can’t help but dwell on it now. I would say that I was to blame for some of it due to general immaturity but a lot down to the fact that they changed a lot (got into boys and drinking and developed a rather high opinion of themselves) and I no longer fit the bill. They started excluding me and acting strangely and it was most upsetting. That’s my interpretation anyway.
One girl in particular, at the end of school she suddenly just stopped talking to me and wouldn’t give a reason why. She can be a bit weird about things anyway… but this was upsetting and I still question why and what I did. I can see there was some stuff about my behaviour that could have been better though and I’m finding it difficult to be at peace.
Anyway the other day I emailed her for the first time since then and kept it short, light and friendly (just asked what she was up to etc) … she did reply but her answer was markedly lacking the ‘friendly’ part. I’m wondering what to say back, if anything… do I apologise, ask what was the problem? I’d like to clear the air and somehow make amends, not be friends but just so I can move on I suppose… What would you suggest?
Thank you

Sarah
Click to expand...
Depends how you “fell out” with the girls. If this is really important to your peace of mind (which I think it is since you’re still thinking about it three years later) and there was a bit of a fight when ya’ll broke off contact, I’d offer an apology for your part…something along the lines of “I’m sorry things didn’t work out that well back then but I’ve really missed your friendship and was hoping we could be friends again.” Something along those lines. If she still doesn’t warm up, perhaps she isn’t on the same page as far as wanting to renew things goes. In that case, you’ve tried, but it’s not the right time. Keep the lines open if she changes her mind, but give her space while keeping her in your prayers. 👍

kevinsgirl
 
The fact that they got into boys and drinking and you didn’t could be reason enough for their behavior. When people know on some level that what they are doing is wrong, they don’t want to be around people who would remind them of this, whether verbally or just by good behavior.

You could send another email that simply says: “If I did anything to offend you, please let me know so that I can make amends and move on in life. I really would like to know, so if you could tell me as a favor I would appreciate it.”

If you don’t get any response or not a useful one, I would drop it. There is nothing wrong with leaving behind immoral friends. They likely know where you stand. Perhaps if they get on the straight and narrow sometime in the future, they will seek you out.

Good for you for not following in their footsteps and for remaining true to your values.
 
I agree that you could write a heartfelt email in return…write what you wrote about here. Know that you are doing good by this. Then let it go…whether she writes back or not. You have a long happy life ahead of you to live. Please don’t hold on to it any longer. Best wishes to you.
 
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