Any input on this dilemma?

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jmj777

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I need some (name removed by moderator)ut with this dilemma. A year ago, my mother offered me the other half of her property to build a house as we, my husband and four children, were outgrowing our house. I thought it would be a good idea and we went through and subdivided the property. Since then, my husband and I have decided against building as the town in which my parents live is rapidly deteriorating with crime, etc. We are more looking to move to the country with more room and perhaps some land.

I have approached my mother in the past with doubts about building because of the environment and she became very bothered and saddened about it. I subsequently “changed” my position about not building and she was excited again. She’s saving money for our new kitchen as a gift and is looking forward to us building a house there.

I don’t have the heart to tell her that we have changed our minds and are looking for a place in a different location. I feel horrible when I appease her and say we don’t know when we’ll start building yet, as our finances are not in order. When in reality, we really don’t have any plans to do so in the future.

I know if I just come clean, she’ll just want the property back and be saddened all over again. That’s another story as we, my husband and I, paid close to $8000 to subdivide the property.

Just for the record, she is able bodied and isn’t even in her sixties. My parents live together and my younger brother lives in their basement. So, she isn’t lonely or looking for help around the house.

Any (name removed by moderator)ut on this touchy situation would be greatly appreciated as we are all out of ideas. 🤷

Peace.

+JMJ+
 
jmj777 said:
I need some (name removed by moderator)ut with this dilemma. A year ago, my mother offered me the other half of her property to build a house as we, my husband and four children, were outgrowing our house. I thought it would be a good idea and we went through and subdivided the property. Since then, my husband and I have decided against building as the town in which my parents live is rapidly deteriorating with crime, etc. We are more looking to move to the country with more room and perhaps some land.

I have approached my mother in the past with doubts about building because of the environment and she became very bothered and saddened about it. I subsequently “changed” my position about not building and she was excited again. She’s saving money for our new kitchen as a gift and is looking forward to us building a house there.

I don’t have the heart to tell her that we have changed our minds and are looking for a place in a different location. I feel horrible when I appease her and say we don’t know when we’ll start building yet, as our finances are not in order. When in reality, we really don’t have any plans to do so in the future.

I know if I just come clean, she’ll just want the property back and be saddened all over again. That’s another story as we, my husband and I, paid close to $8000 to subdivide the property.

Just for the record, she is able bodied and isn’t even in her sixties. My parents live together and my younger brother lives in their basement. So, she isn’t lonely or looking for help around the house.

Any (name removed by moderator)ut on this touchy situation would be greatly appreciated as we are all out of ideas. 🤷

Peace.

+JMJ+
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You must know that the only thing to do is to, as you put it, “just come clean.” Tell her the truth about the reasons. Of course she’ll want the property back, she gave it to you so you could build there. I’m sorry you spent so much money without thinking it through, but there’s nothing to be done for that now. The important thing here is to be honest with your mother. It’s not fair to lie to her after she was so generous.
 
agnes_therese said:
You must know that the only thing to do is to, as you put it, “just come clean.” Tell her the truth about the reasons. Of course she’ll want the property back, she gave it to you so you could build there. I’m sorry you spent so much money without thinking it through, but there’s nothing to be done for that now. The important thing here is to be honest with your mother. It’s not fair to lie to her after she was so generous.
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Yes, this.

It might seem to you as though you’re sparing her feelings and trying to avoid disappointing her, but you have to accept that it’s reasonable for her to be sad over it- she was looking forward to having you live there and you have been misleading her. Much better to tell her the truth soon, even if it’s uncomfortable for you.

It’s also reasonable for her to take the property back- it is hers. Spending the money was a decision you made, and it’s unfortunate that you will be out the money but ultimately it’s your responsibility. If your parents divided their land only for you, it’s not likely they’ll want to sell it to someone else, so I can’t really think of any reason why she’d owe you any money.
 
I know. And I wasn’t trying to be deceptive. I just feared I would hurt her feelings again. I felt her pulling away last time that I “changed” my position in order to fix that.

I know she would eventually get over it, but she’s so excited about it now that I don’t want to sadden her.
 
I agree with the previous posters. Just come clean and give the property back. It’s much better in the long run. The $8,000 is sunk costs, meaning you’ve already spent it, so there’s no use worrying about that now.
 
I know the right thing to do is to come clean and let her make whatever choice she deems appropriate. Please pray for us.

Peace.

+JMJ+
 
Best thing to do is what the others have said, tell her the truth. Praying for you and your family.
 
Just remember that you’ve decided to live somewhere else because that’s what’s best for you and your family long term. Yes your mother will be upset and disappointed but that’s only short term and will blow over. Much better to deal with that for a little while than to have to deal with living somewhere you don’t want to for years to come.
 
jmj777 said:
I know she would eventually get over it, but she’s so excited about it now that I don’t want to sadden her.
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The longer you wait to tell her the more she will be saddened. I think it is only fair to tell her ASAP and give the land back so there will be no more temptations to lead her on anymore.
 
I appreciate all of your kind replies. I now know what I need to do. Thank you for responding!

Peace.

+JMJ+
 
I agree with the others. You just have to tell her. If your brother is living in her basement, perhaps you could suggest that he take your part of the property and build there? I assume he is an adult and he would probably rather live in his own place.
 
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