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StratusRose
Guest
I was thinking about doing this for my registry. Has anyone else done this or know anything about it?
justgive.org/weddings/index.jsp
justgive.org/weddings/index.jsp
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Della
Guest
When a couple gets married friends and family want to give to the newlyweds not to charities. There is plenty of opportunities for people to give to any charit(ies) they like. And they may get the impression that you think they wouldn’t give to any if it weren’t for you giving them this opportunity. No one should set up a false dichotomy between giving to friends and family for weddings and giving to the needy. If you’d like, you and your new husband could donate whatever money you receive to your favorite charity, but let your guests give to you, as is traditional and proper.
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newf
Guest
I was trying to think of how to say that as nicely as Della…thank you Della.
I agree, this kind of registry is offensive to me.
I agree, this kind of registry is offensive to me.
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StratusRose
Guest
Really? Hmm, I never thought of it that way. Thanks.
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puzzleannie
Guest
I have no idea how your family and friends would react, but I must say it is refreshing to hear from a bride who is not counting cash and calculating the value of the gifts she expects to receive.
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JuliaT
Guest
It is interesting to hear a different perspective. I tend to agree with Puzzleannie. I went to a wedding Saturday, included in the invitation was a list of stores that the bride and groom would like to receive gift certificates from.
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thann
Guest
I agree that you should use any money you receive to give to a charity of your choice, if you so choose.
I toss any “bridal registry cards” I receive in invitations. I don’t like being told what to buy. Instead I make **wedding rosaries **for Catholic couples and give money to non-Catholic couples.
'thann
I toss any “bridal registry cards” I receive in invitations. I don’t like being told what to buy. Instead I make **wedding rosaries **for Catholic couples and give money to non-Catholic couples.
'thann
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Karin
Guest
we did something similar when my dh and I got married…we both had everything we would need to start a marriage/home when we got married (this was my secind marriage & I already owned a home all of its furnishings) so we asked for no gifts other than our guests company, good wishes & blessings…
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Bruised_Reed
Guest
I’ve heard and read a lot of different perspectives over time and my understanding is that while gift registrys are okay references to gifts at all in the invite is a no-no. Whether one has a card noting a registry, asks that no gifts be sent or offers a suggestion such as the OP’s it’s considered rude because there is a presumption of gifts.
I don’t have Miss Manners in front of me but when it come to gifts we are suppposed to be delighted and surprised that someone would have a gift for us even if it’s Christmas or our birthday.
I wouldn’t have registry info in an invitation to my wedding but I personally like when I get them with invitations. How inconsistant of me! But I like using gift registries.
I don’t have Miss Manners in front of me but when it come to gifts we are suppposed to be delighted and surprised that someone would have a gift for us even if it’s Christmas or our birthday.
I wouldn’t have registry info in an invitation to my wedding but I personally like when I get them with invitations. How inconsistant of me! But I like using gift registries.
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queen_anne78
Guest
For our wedding this past May, DH and I registered at Bed Bath and Beyond…as recent college grads just starting out we didn’t have pretty much anything…it was nice to get things we would use…not random crystal punch bowls or whatever. We only registered for those items that we felt were necessary for running a home.
That being said, I certainly didn’t EXPECT gifts, or look at the wedding as a way of getting stuff. But, people give gifts at weddings. The registry is a nice way of channeling those gifts into necessary items. That being said, people can get you whatever they want, the registry is a (very) helpful guide. The wedding etiquette book still being fresh in my mind due to frequent consultation, it is a big no-no to put your registry info in your invitation, as it it considered rude, instead your family members are supposed to pass the word along about where you are registered when asked. Whatev.
Maybe a nice compromise is to decide to personally donate some or all of the cash gifts you recieve to the charity of your choice, that way you are still giving to something important to you, and people who for whatever reason really just want to give to YOU specifically.
That being said, I certainly didn’t EXPECT gifts, or look at the wedding as a way of getting stuff. But, people give gifts at weddings. The registry is a nice way of channeling those gifts into necessary items. That being said, people can get you whatever they want, the registry is a (very) helpful guide. The wedding etiquette book still being fresh in my mind
due to frequent consultation, it is a big no-no to put your registry info in your invitation, as it it considered rude, instead your family members are supposed to pass the word along about where you are registered when asked. Whatev.Maybe a nice compromise is to decide to personally donate some or all of the cash gifts you recieve to the charity of your choice, that way you are still giving to something important to you, and people who for whatever reason really just want to give to YOU specifically.
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maria29
Guest
While i find the idea of donating money quite nice, perhaps you should have a slip of paper at every table saying “in leiu of wedding favors we are making a donation to catholic charities, or whatever organization you choose in your name”
This website link you provided has charities that defend women’s right to abortions, birth control etc. Also i have to say that if i gave someone money for a wedding gift, i meant for them to buy something they needed or put towards their honeymoom, or help pay off their wedding. I already donate time and money to charities and wouldn’t want my money to go to something or someone who i don’t agree with.
If you decided to donate money instead of wedding favors, thats different because its your money, not a gift. And i have to say to usually when i find out a couple is not registerd anywhere and has done something like this charity thing, i would just send a gift(crystal, candles etc) instead.
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StratusRose
Guest
Thanks for all the replies, everyone.
I talked it over with my fiance last night and he said, “No way, we’re poor, we need stuff.” And he’s right. I don’t have much. I use plastic forks and knives at my place because I only have 2 or 3 metal ones! He only owns 2 bath towels, and one of them I use if I need to take a shower at his place.
In response to Maria29’s suggestion about the favors, we are on the same page because we are already going to do that. Only, we are donating to our reception site, which is a non-profit historical site that I used to go to on field trips when I was a kid.
Everyone else’s ideas of donating any cash afterwards is also a good idea.
And whoever sends their registry information in an invititation is violating ettiquitte! I’ve read a lot of places that doing that is a big no-no.
Again, thanks for all the insight.
I talked it over with my fiance last night and he said, “No way, we’re poor, we need stuff.” And he’s right. I don’t have much. I use plastic forks and knives at my place because I only have 2 or 3 metal ones! He only owns 2 bath towels, and one of them I use if I need to take a shower at his place.
In response to Maria29’s suggestion about the favors, we are on the same page because we are already going to do that.
Only, we are donating to our reception site, which is a non-profit historical site that I used to go to on field trips when I was a kid.Everyone else’s ideas of donating any cash afterwards is also a good idea.
And whoever sends their registry information in an invititation is violating ettiquitte! I’ve read a lot of places that doing that is a big no-no.
Again, thanks for all the insight.
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Aleii
Guest
We live out of town of where we had our wedding, and used email to give more information about driving directions, etc. We put on there where we were registered but also made a note to keep the option open of donating to St. Jude (and gave information on how to) or to a charity of their choosing. Unfortunately we only got one person who took that option to donate(they donated to a wonderful place of their choosing which meant a lot to them personally, and meant a lot to me and my husband that they did that), so we took some of our money afterwards and donated.
I’d keep the option open of letting people donate to an area of their choosing and suggesting 1 or two places.
I’d keep the option open of letting people donate to an area of their choosing and suggesting 1 or two places.
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mchale
Guest
Just a thought, but the “etiquette” surrounding gift registries and wedding gifts in general seems to me to be a big farce. I know that many people who go to a wedding genuinely do want to give to the couple, but I also know many people give because it is considered rude not to give. You are suppose to register for gifts, but you are not suppose to tell anyone… but your family is suppose to pass the info on.
To me the whole procudure smacks just a bit of dishonesty; I personally like the idea of saying something along the lines of suggesting that any gifts that wish to be made be made to a charity. If people somehow misinterpret your intentions to make sure that the joy of this day is shared with the less fortunate in the world, well that is their problem, not yours.
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Bill
To me the whole procudure smacks just a bit of dishonesty; I personally like the idea of saying something along the lines of suggesting that any gifts that wish to be made be made to a charity. If people somehow misinterpret your intentions to make sure that the joy of this day is shared with the less fortunate in the world, well that is their problem, not yours.
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Bill
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