Any of you horrible with kids yet became parents?

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katpants

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I’ve had 3 miscarriages so my body isn’t keen on kids right now, but I know it’ll happen at the right time and if it’s supposed to.

I am utterly HORRIBLE with kids. I’m a germaphob and I think that’s where much of my issue lies…along with just having no idea what to do with them. How would I handle the terrible 2s? I was shopping and this little girl threw her boots at me! Her dad did nothing and I was…well not a happy camper. I literally did nothing and this kid was chunking stuff at me. Could just be Finnish parenting…or the lack thereof :rolleyes:.

Maybe it’s a cultural thing? I don’t mind American kids, they’re really well behaved and all. Finnish kids not so much…exorcism on aisle 5!

Kind of an embarrassing question but with my baby clock ticking…a serious one.

Thanks a bunch!

Kat
 
Hi Kat,
I’m sure that you will be fine with your own kids. I never liked kids much until I had my own, but I fell in love with them and often like others’ kids now. (Not always)
You think American kids are well behaved? What TV shows have you been watching?

What you might want to do is some reading on appropriate behavior for different age levels. So you have an idea what tasks their brains and bodies are trying to accomplish at different ages.
For example, the “terrible twos” – the child’s goal is increasing independence. He says “no” constantly because he’s discovered he can, and he needs to get some separation from you and establish himself as his own person. After all, at birth the baby doesn’t know he is a separate person, it’s all one “blooming, buzzing confusion.”
So you can welcome the terrible twos as a step toward independence. And you learn not to phrase things as a request that he can refuse. “Would you like to go to bed now?” is an unwise question. Better: “it’s bedtime now. Do you want to pick out a story to read, or shall I?”
As long as you’re asking the questions of how to be a good parent, you will be fine.
 
I think I can describe myself in my pre-motherhood years as not interested in children, clueless, intimidated by them, and someone who preferred to not be around them.

I now have 2 children and I love them to bits, and I can’t imagine my life without them.

It is different with your own. You simply get on with the programme and learn as you go along. I agree with the above poster that you should learn about child development, what to expect and how to handle it.

Don’t worry, it will be fine.
 
I was always intimidated by kids outside of the family- I have younger siblings, I’m an aunt…so loved them but felt a little uncomfortable around other kids.

We had our first baby several months ago…I will probably never feel like I know what I’m doing. You just kind of figure it out. I’m also a bit of a germophobe too, but oddly none of the baby messes bother me at all. It’s more other people’s germs that freak me out.

As I have yet to go through most of the stages of parenting a small child, I have no advice for you there, but don’t assume American kids are any more well-behaved. A lot of how well your kids are behaved has to do with parenting, yes, but kids are going to cry and throw fits regardless. Probably at the least convenient and most embarrassing times, too. Remember that you don’t have to figure it out all at once- one day at a time.
 
Have you been able to get any answers from your OB/GYN about your miscarriages? In the US, 3 miscarriages is where OBs start getting aggressive about figuring out what is going on. It might be something very simple to fix or on the other hand it might be some sort of genetic problem. Either way, I would encourage you to figure out which one it is as soon as possible.

I agree with previous posters that reading child development books could be very helpful. I like Penelope Leach’s Your Baby and Child, which is one of the most beautiful and practical treatments of child development from 0-5 that you will see. It has really charming color photographs illustrating each stage of development.
 
I remember my nephew saying “I don’t want kids”, and now he is a loving father of two young boys.
 
Somebody earlier was talking about the developmental importance of some of the negative 2-year-old behavior. I think that’s really important to know when trying to keep one’s patience with toddlers. The toddler wants dignity and autonomy, and the trick is how to give him as much as possible while protecting him from danger and protecting other people, animals and valuable material objects from him.

(Also not a natural parent here. I’ve never really known what to say to babies.)
 
It’s really amazing how differently one feels about your own children versus the children around you.

While some people, women mostly, are just wonderful and comfortable around any and all children (my cousin’s wife is like that…she has a gift when it comes to children and both of my kids and my nephew all fell in love with her when they first met her…even my youngest who is very nervous around new people), I think a lot of people would agree that they are uncomfortable around children.

I’ve always felt more comfortable with children who are school aged up through high school but was seriously uncomfortable around babies and toddlers. I wasn’t sure what I’d do if I became a mother.

I think a natural instinct kicks in when you become a mother. You feel so different around your children.
To this day, I’m uncomfortable around kids that aren’t mine.
 
Kelfa28 said:
It’s really amazing how differently one feels about your own children versus the children around you.

While some people, women mostly, are just wonderful and comfortable around any and all children (my cousin’s wife is like that…she has a gift when it comes to children and both of my kids and my nephew all fell in love with her when they first met her…even my youngest who is very nervous around new people), I think a lot of people would agree that they are uncomfortable around children.

I’ve always felt more comfortable with children who are school aged up through high school but was seriously uncomfortable around babies and toddlers. I wasn’t sure what I’d do if I became a mother.

I think a natural instinct kicks in when you become a mother. You feel so different around your children.
To this day, I’m uncomfortable around kids that aren’t mine.
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But it doesn’t necessarily kick in immediately. There’s sometimes some awkwardness in getting to know an infant, even one that’s already been riding inside you for most of a year. But eventually, it’s like you’ve always been together.
 
I could never stand kids - but the minute (literally) our first was born and I became a dad, the bond happened and my attitude changed forever. Over the next two decades I had lots of great times with our sons and their friends.
 
Kids are like your own hmmmmm How do I put this… Gas. You only seem to really like your own…

I think others kids are cute from a distance but gross and misbehaved up close. Mine are very well behaved and I have no problem wiping snot off with my hand and then continuing to eat a chicken nugget that my youngest has gnawed on for the past hour…
 
Thanks a bunch everyone! 🙂 makes me much less AHHHH if I ever do get kids. Thanks again! 🙂

Kat
 
katpants said:
Thanks a bunch everyone! 🙂 makes me much less AHHHH if I ever do get kids. Thanks again! 🙂

Kat
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if I ever do get kids.
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:eek::D:p;) That kind of made it sound like a disease… I know you did not mean it that way it just sounded funny when I read it.

“How’s Lilly Doing?”
“Not good, she is run down and has bags under her eyes”
“oh, man, She must have got the K.I.D.S…”
 
:rotfl:
Hoosier_Daddy said:
I think others kids are cute from a distance but gross and misbehaved up close. Mine are very well behaved and I have no problem wiping snot off with my hand and then continuing to eat a chicken nugget that my youngest has gnawed on for the past hour…
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:rotfl:

My nephews would literally make me gag when I fed/burped/changed them. You can tell by my sig line that I got over that 😃 They have trained me well enough that I can change other babies with joy!
 
As far as behavior goes, kids are people too. Sometimes they will test you, but since you are the one raising them, they well most likely grow up knowing your expectations. It is okay that you find boot-throwing unacceptable. (most parents do.) Because of that, you will teach your children not to throw boots and they will know that there is a consequence involved if they do. Everybody sets boundaries they are comfortable with in thier own home. Probably, your kids will be allowed to do something that some other mother will find horrific. (drink soda, chew gum, say “butt”, etc)
 
Xantippe said:
But it doesn’t necessarily kick in immediately. There’s sometimes some awkwardness in getting to know an infant, even one that’s already been riding inside you for most of a year. But eventually, it’s like you’ve always been together.
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I agree and I think this is particularly true for brand-new mothers.

For my first…it wasn’t an immediate bond. We had issues nursing, I really had no idea what I was doing as a new mom and couldn’t read her signals very well, plus…she preferred Daddy. To this day she prefers Daddy over me. My husband’s instinct as a father was immediate when it came to her and the two of them bonded instantly. They both have very similar personalities anyway so my husband just “gets” her.

As for my second daughter. I can honestly say the mother/daughter bond was immediate. She latched on right away and everything just came so natural for me as a mother. She and I get along really well and it’s very obvious she is a mommy’s girl. She stopped nursing a few months ago but still craves to be close to me…and I crave being close to her.

This isn’t to say that I love my second child more then my first…but because my oldest has a different personality then I do…she’s a bit more of a challenge when it comes to parenting. It’s harder for me to understand her but I still love her fiercely and would move mountains for her if I could.
 
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