Anybody remember Abbott & Costello's "Who's on First?"

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COSTELLO : *I heard that you are a real computer expert.

*ABBOTT : *Well, I don’t know-

*COSTELLO : *Yes-sir-ee. You know your stuff. And you’re going to train me.

*ABBOTT : *Really?

*COSTELLO : *Uh-huh. And I am here for my first lesson.

*ABBOTT : *OK, Lou. What do want to know?

*COSTELLO : *I’m setting up an office in my den and I’m thinking about buying a computer.

*ABBOTT : *Mac?

*COSTELLO : *No, the name’s Lou.

*ABBOTT : *Your computer?

*COSTELLO : *I don’t own a computer. I want to buy one.

*ABBOTT : *Mac?

*COSTELLO : *I told you, my name’s Lou.

*ABBOTT : *What about Windows?

*COSTELLO : *Why? Will it get stuffy in here?

*ABBOTT : *Do you want a computer with Windows?

*COSTELLO : *I don’t know. What will I see when I look at the windows?

*ABBOTT : *Wallpaper.

*COSTELLO : *Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.

*ABBOTT : *Software for Windows?

*COSTELLO : *No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals track expenses and run my business. What do you have?

*ABBOTT : *Office.

*COSTELLO : *Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?

*ABBOTT : *I just did.

*COSTELLO : *You just did what?

*ABBOTT : *Recommend something.

*COSTELLO : *You recommended something?

*ABBOTT : *Yes.

*COSTELLO : *For my office?

*ABBOTT : *Yes.

*COSTELLO : *OK, what did you recommend for my office?

*ABBOTT : *Office.

*COSTELLO : *Yes, for my office!

*ABBOTT : *I recommend Office with Windows.

*COSTELLO : *I already have a nice office with windows! OK, let’s just say I’m sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?

*ABBOTT : *Word.

*COSTELLO : *What word?

*ABBOTT : *Word in Office.

*COSTELLO : *The only word in office is office.

*ABBOTT : *The Word in Office for Windows.

*COSTELLO : *Which word in office for windows?

*ABBOTT : *The Word you get when you click the blue “W”.

*COSTELLO : *I’m going to click your blue “w” if you don’t start with some straight answers. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?

*ABBOTT : *Money.

*COSTELLO : *That’s right. What do you have?

*ABBOTT : *Money.

*COSTELLO : *I need money to track my money?

*ABBOTT : *It comes bundled with your computer.

*COSTELLO : *What’s bundled with my computer?

*ABBOTT : *Money.

*COSTELLO : *Money comes with my computer?

*ABBOTT : *Yes. No extra charge.

*COSTELLO : *I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?

*ABBOTT : *One copy.

*COSTELLO : *Isn’t it illegal to copy money?

*ABBOTT : *Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.

*COSTELLO : *They can give you a license to copy money?

*ABBOTT : Why not? THEY OWN IT!
 
… A few days later…

COSTELLO : *I am having no problem turning it on, but I heard that you should be very careful how you turn it off.

*ABBOTT : *That’s true.

*COSTELLO : *So, here I am working on my new computer and I want to turn it off. What do I do?

*ABBOTT : *Well, first you press the Start button, and then-

*COSTELLO : *No, I told you, I want to turn it off.

*ABBOTT : *I know, you press the Start button-

*COSTELLO : *Wait a second. I want to turn it off. Off. I know how to start it. So tell me what to do.

*ABBOTT : *I did.

*COSTELLO : *When?

*ABBOTT : *When I told you to press the Start button.

*COSTELLO : *Why should I press the Start button?

*ABBOTT : *To shut off the computer.

*COSTELLO : *I press Start to stop.

*ABBOTT : *Well Start doesn’t actually stop the computer.

*COSTELLO : *I knew it! So what do I press.

*ABBOTT : *Start

*COSTELLO : *Start what?

*ABBOTT : *Start button.

*COSTELLO : *Start button to do what?

*ABBOTT : *Shut down.

*COSTELLO : *You don’t have to get rude!

*ABBOTT : *No, no, no! That’s not what I meant.

*COSTELLO : *Then say what you mean.

*ABBOTT : *To shut down the computer, press-

*COSTELLO : *Don’t say, “Start!”

*ABBOTT : *Then what do you want me to say?

*COSTELLO : *Look, if I want to turn off the computer, I am willing to press the Stop button, the End button, even the Cease and Desist button, but no one in their right mind presses the Start to Stop.

*ABBOTT : *But that’s what you do.

*COSTELLO : *And you probably Go at Stop signs, and Stop at green lights.

*ABBOTT : *Don’t be ridiculous.

*COSTELLO : *I am being ridiculous? Well. I think it’s about time we started this conversion.

*ABBOTT : *What are you talking about?

*COSTELLO : I am starting this conversation right now. Good-bye.
 
**I remember recording the original and writing out by hand for a friend to use for her forensics class. I was about sick of it by the time that I was done.

It’s been a while since I’ve heard it, and it’s just a classic.

Congratulations on doing a fine job of emulating one of the finest comedy teams of all time.**
 
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