Anyone else with infertility?

[Asella]

I was just wondering if anyone else is struggling with infertility? I have been trying for some time now and it’s been an emotional rollercoaster. I’m very traditional, and opposed to contraception, so I thought I would have about 10 children, and now I’m finding that I can’t even conceive one! It’s just devastating to us. For those with infertility, how do you deal with it emotionally?

 

[SeekerJen]

DH and I have been trying since last May to conceive our first child. After hearing over and over while I was a teenager “Don’t have unprotected sex! You’ll get pregnant immediately!” and “Use two types of birth control or else you’ll be pregnant!”, I was brainwashed into fully expecting that since we’d officially started trying (instead of “whatever happens”) I’d be pregnant by July. So much for that.

For me, it was more difficult in the first few months- we were excited, and so ready to start our family- we were using NFP to try and conceive, charting my cycle like mad, etc. It became such a disappointment to see my temperature plummet like clockwork every 27 days, that I stopped temping altogether and now just pay attention to cervical signs. We’ve sent up I don’t know how many prayers to God to bless us with a child, and I’ve asked as many saints as I could think of for help. I asked St. Therese for help in October- I received a few roses and know my plea was heard, but still no pregnancy. Since my job was terminated at the end of last month and our situation is a bit odd right now, we’re assuming that God wants to wait a little longer to give us a child. It’s not easy, though, especially as I watch my unmarried cousins pop out unplanned baby after baby. Sigh…at least they’re having them, and not aborting them. God bless them for that.

Coping emotionally? Right now I try not to think about it. Perhaps I’m lucky- between the job stress and Christmas and my in-laws, I’ve had my mind on other things. It was harder last summer- first my neighbor’s SIL announced her completely unplanned pregnancy, then my neighbor announced her pregnancy and immediately started telling me to “get pregnant now so we can have babies at the same time!” I spent a lot of time crying last summer and fall. I guess I’m kind of numb now.

God bless you. Believe me, I know how much this stinks.

 

[Sunniva]

I’m now 41 years old and have been struggling with infertility for many years.

I got married for the first time when I was 19 years old. I got pregnant rather quickly after the wedding, but I unfortunately miscarried in week 16. I didn’t get pregnant for four years. I was so happy when I became pregnant again, but this happiness didn’t last long. I miscarried in week 9.

Everybody around me said that, “oh, you’re still young and will become pregnant again.” That was in 1988.

I didn’t become pregnant again and after two years we went to the doc who referred us to specialists. We had lots of tests done. None of the tests were conclusive. Everything appeared to be in order. They abruptly stopped every testing when I was diagnosed with diabetes type 2.

Their final diagnosis was “unexplained infertility”. My then husband who’s a Muslim and from Asia felt that it was a disgrace for him for be without sons and he blamed me for not giving him any children.

My marriage situation had been very problematic for many years already, but now it became even worse. We eventually divorced and he remarried very shortly after the divorce.(there is more to the story,but that’s very long and complicated)

He now have a two year old daughter (was very disappointed when it was not a boy).

 

[Diane_M]

We have been trying to get pregnant for nearly three years. Its actually been longer since we didn’t do anything to prevent it for at least a year longer than that. We did get pregnant once but miscarried around week 7. That was sooo emotionally painful (and still is). The miscarriage finally promted us to seek medical help for our difficulty conceiving. After some testing and months of consideration my DH had surgery in Sept that is supposed to help. But it may still be a few more months before we know if the surgery was successful.

I think God may be trying to teach me patience (not something I’m that good at). I have been praying and praying and will keep doing so. I am hopeful that this will be our year. I really want to have a baby this year but would at least like to be pregnant before the end of the year. I hope that is God’s plan too.

Diane

 

[4_marks]

Asella:

I was just wondering if anyone else is struggling with infertility? I have been trying for some time now and it’s been an emotional rollercoaster. I’m very traditional, and opposed to contraception, so I thought I would have about 10 children, and now I’m finding that I can’t even conceive one! It’s just devastating to us. For those with infertility, how do you deal with it emotionally?

Yes. My wife has a tilted uterus and deformed fallopian tubes. She can conceive but miscarries. She is also very high risk for complications in pregnancy, so bearing children is out of the question since her life is more important to me than having children that are flesh of my flesh and blood of my blood. We are all kin to one another anyway.

We have discussed becoming foster parents to older children whom we may then adopt and are seriously considering doing so. There are many needy children out there who are looking for stability, a good home, and parents who will love them.

 

[prodigal]

My wife and I have had a trying and exhausting battle with fertility issues.

Here is the timeline:

3 babies lost during pregnancy
1 son delivered healthy
1 daughter delivered healthy
3 babies lost during pregnancy
1 son delivered healthy

Although we have been very blessed with our ability to conceive, the babies lost during pregnancy have been heartbreaking.

My wife has consulted with “fertility experts” who have frowned upon our refusal to explore any procedures rejected by our faith.

Last year, my wife was diagnosed with “premature ovarian failure” and appeared to be heading toward early menopause. Upon receiving that news, we mourned but tried our best to surrender it all to God, knowing that this all is part of his plan.

Lo and behold during the next cycle, with no assistance from doctors, our son was conceived and delivered last month.

We don’t know if God will bless us with any more children, but the roller-coaster ride we have been on for the last 7 years has made me appreciate the miracle of life and understand the tragedy of miscarriage and infertility.

I doubt any of this has given you more insight. My only advice is to try your best to trust the Lord in all things including this struggle. We also have found some comfort in requesting the intercession of the BVM and St. Gerard Majella.

 

[Princess_Abby]

My heart goes out to all of you.

My husband and I are in the midst of diagnosing some of my own health issues and I often find myself lying awake at night and wondering if I will ever be blessed to have children.

I, too, always planned on becoming a mommy right away after getting married. It’s very disappointing and so heartbreaking to wonder if that will ever happen.

We think about adopting and yet we know that is a very hard process, too.

We can only hope and pray. We are just hoping that with time and some health intervention, things will change. But the idea of never being a mother still consumes me.

I see babies and it’s like I just CRAVE one to love and cherish of our own. Well, I crave more than one. We want a huge family.

I will pray for you guys.

 

[mom2boyz]

I too struggled with infertility. After 4 years we were finally able to conceive. After our son was born, we thought we were “cured.” No such luck. Now we have two wonderful sons, one bio and one adopted. We are looking forward to adding another son via adoption. Neither way is better than the other and both have their share of hardships. My heart aches for others who have suffered from infertility. I do pray for others in who suffer from infertility and at times I even cry for us.

All told we have tried for over 10 years to conceive. I still wish at times I could become pregnant. My understanding is that desire may never go away until menopause, so I try to carry it as I do other sufferings.

But now that I am on the other side of making fertility decisions, I can now see how perfect God’s plan for our family is. I know I have the two sons I am meant to raise.

The other thing I learned on my infertility journey was that this too is a part of God’s plan and I didn’t do anything to cause it nor was there anything I could have done to change it. As for the why not me, but some unwed person. I don’t know, but I know I’m glad I am not in that person’s shoes.

If you truly have the desire for children, I have to believe that is part of God’s plan for you. Pray and pray so that you can see were God is leading you. One of the things that is mentioned over and over in the old testament is about taking care of widows and orphans. This is very pleasing to God.

Honestly I can’t give any great advice to those who are in the throws of infertility. It is truly a loss and with all losses there is grief. The best I can tell is that grief takes time.

I did get some counseling which helped some. The one thing I have done is find a good spiritual counselor. She has helped me put the infertility into perspective. For me that has been the most healing.

 

[Mamamull]

I am infertile and have lost two babies, but have adopted three times.

Adoption is a process --pick your agency or attorney carefully. Call lots of them and find a good match.

Now, it is a little expensive, but you don’t have to spend $20K for a baby. We have not every spent much on any adoption – all under $5K – but we did adopt “special needs” these special needs are varied – our daughter was truly special needs with medical problems, our next child, a son, is bi-ethnic – or bi-racial – except he is entirely of the human race. His special need was being bi-racial. The third adoption is an almost 5 yr old boy – also bi-racial but with “baggage”

We let God lead us to which child he wants us to adopt. It wasn’t that we wanted to adopt or adopt special needs. Yet when particular babies or children are presented to us, we know whether God wants us to adopt them. This most recent adoption we had asked for a girl – 0-3 years. I laugh at that. I know God just had a different plan than me – what’s new!

Infertility is not all bad, but it is not fun either. I have accepted it. Adopting doesn’t resolve infertility, but it does resolve being childless.

You don’t have to go special needs, but if you can accept a child that won’t look like your birth child – you can frequently find a baby quickly and inexpensively.

As to the homestudy – just keep it “child-centered” everything is done to ensure a good home for the child. It isn’t done to bother you.

 

[Matthewsmumau]

I know the feeling well. We tried for years (over 5) to conceive and it just wasnt happening. We eventually went to a fertility specialist who after tests basically said apart from IVF procedures and such we stood Buckleys chance. We tried for a further year after that with no luck, so we decided to get on with building our house and then reveiw the situation once we were settled in our new house. Meantime i had to deal with friends and family telling us that they were all having babies and trying to sound happy for them when inside i used to scream why not me. Every night i used to pray please God just one baby, just one. I even used to avoid pregnant women in the supermarket it hurt too much. Anyway we moved into the house and 4-5 months later it was coming up to the time when we were due to reveiw what we were going to do about our situation. I had begun to think i may be pregnant but i had been disappointed so many times before i wouldnt allow myself this luxury, so i took myself off to the Doctors and got tested. Low and behold i was a whole 17 weeks gone. My prayers had been answered and on the 15.10.98 Matthew Christopher was born, all 8lbs 10oz of him. Although i now have my child i still cant forget the pain and hurt i went through before he came along. I think it will stay with me as long as i live. I desperately would love another (i always wanted 10) but i realise i am lucky to have the one i’ve got. God Bless. Sue.

 

[Schana]

I too suffer fertility issues. Just this past June (04) my first pregnancy was ectopic. The emotional roller coaster is painful and the suffering can be great. With the ectopic, I had no idea what the moral teaching of the church were, and it ended in emergency surgery. I struggle frequently with the fact that I didn’t know what the Church would have said to do, and even more now that I know.

We continue to try and concieve and have been unable…our journey has been over a year. God is good, and he has lead us to start the process of finding more information on human reproduction in light of our Catholic faith. He has lead me to research and start the process needed to be able to see a specialist…but not just any specialist. Dr. Hilger’s of the Pope Paul VI Institute for women health. A doctor who specializes in helping women with natural procreation, completely in line with the Church, so much so that they have received special recognition for their work from the Pope!

I don’t if this journey will end with a baby in our family or not, that’s for God to decide, but I’m very much looking forward to working with a doctor who will not tell me that my only hope is IVF and that I shouldn’t be looking at anything else.

God Bless all of you who struggle with this cross, may our loving merciful Lord bless you with strength to hold fast to your faith and it’s teachings.