Anyone had a miscarriage? How did you cope?

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Blue_Rose

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I lost my baby last week at 9 weeks and I feel so empty. I don’t understand why they were taken from me.
I know this is common so I’m wondering how others coped and moved on from this.
Also interested to know if you went on to have a healthy child afterwards.
 
You are in my prayers. Friends of mine lost a baby last year to miscarriage, they just gave birth to a healthy baby boy a couple of weeks ago. He has just been baptised.
 
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Besides talking with your priest, there are several organizations that deal with the grief and loss experienced with a miscarriage. Please accept my condolences on this heartbreaking occurrence.

My daughter had a miscarriage in between her son and daughter. Time helps…another child helps…but nothing ever takes away the loss completely. Yes, most likely you will go on to have healthy children. It’s rare that miscarriages continue. Your doctor is your best guidance and don’t be afraid to ask him the “hard” questions. I’m so sorry for your loss.
 
I am sorry for your loss. I had a miscarriage at 9 weeks. At the hospital, there was no evidence of a baby, just placenta-type tissues. I had nothing. I wasn’t Catholic at the time, so there was no consideration of baptism. I came home and life went back to normal for everyone but me. I felt lost, empty, part of me was missing. I was a while before I could make myself be around other pregnant women. Fortunately, I became pregnant within 6 months and gave birth to a healthy baby. Now that I’m Catholic, I can see I would have done things differently - at least baptism and acknowledge that baby - give the baby a name. Talk with your doctor and ask for guidance. There may be someone at your parish who could talk with you. Prayers.
 
Miscarriage is very common, unfortunately, and there will be no shortage of women on CAF who have shared in your struggle. I miscarried at 9 weeks, like you, and struggled with depression afterward. Some talk therapy helped me through the process. I got pregnant pretty shortly thereafter - sooner than I would have “wanted” but God had His own plans - and went on two have a healthy baby girl and two more children.

I’m very sorry for your loss and will be sure to pray for you.
 
Mine was 28 years ago, I still feel the loss, I still mark the anniversary of the death. You move on because we have great peace from God in loss.
 
I am so sorry for your loss.
The way you deal — be gentle with yourself and your husband.
Take care of yourself by getting enough rest and monitoring your health and symptoms and go for your follow ups. Reach out to other people for support. Understand you might not be able to “deal” with other pregnant women right now and that’s okay.
The usual psycho/spiritual basic care like prayer and meditation and journaling.

You will have better days ❤️
 
We lost children through miscarriage in the 1990s almost exactly seven years apart. Even though it’s been many years, we still miss those two little ones. I always made it a point to end my weekly adoration hour (when I was still going pre-pandemic) by asking the two of them to pray for their mother and father and the siblings they never got to meet, and asking God to grant us all the grace of all of us being united with them in Heaven someday.

Prayers for consolation for you in this sad time.
 
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I’m so very sorry for your loss. Yes, I have had 4 miscarriages. Honestly, I did not cope with them as well as I could have. I sought out a community online which did help immensely but I wish I had sought out a counselor or support group. After our first loss, we did receive the Blessing for Parents After a Miscarriage from our deacon and that was helpful too.

After 3 confirmed medical losses, I did have some workups to identify what may be the issue and I was able to find a protocol that works for me. I had my youngest (very healthy) using that protocol and am expecting another in July (very healthy so far) using the same protocol.
 
Time helps. Miscarriages are so common, unfortunately, but most women who have one can go on to have a healthy baby.
 
I miscarried my first pregnancy and got severly depressed because of it. Now I am pregnant again, 20 weeks with (according to the ultrasound) a healthy baby girl. Getting pregnant again helped with the feelings of emptiness but I also worried so much because the previous experience.
 
I’m sorry for your loss 😦 I’m praying for you.

I lost my baby when I was 3 months pregnant. His name was Nathaniel.

It took me a couple years to get over the loss. I haven’t been pregnant since but SO many women have a healthy pregnancy after miscarriage. It isn’t a deal breaker for the next pregnancy.
 
I had a miscarriage in 2010. It was very depressing for me. Sometimes I think if I would have gone to a different hospital my baby would have been saved. I passed the tissue at a restaurant. To this day I won’t go to that restaurant. The first day I was bleeding I made a chicken dinner and invited my mom for supper and I don’t even like chicken. I won’t make that chicken dish anymore. Deep down in my heart I think it was a girl. A few months later I got pregnant again and gave birth to a wonderful boy. His older brother is a wonderful son too. I’ve always wanted a girl. But I love my two boys and am very happy to have them. Every now and then I still think about my miscarriage but if I didn’t have my miscarriage I wouldn’t have given birth to an amazing boy. After my two boys I was unable to conceive anymore. I will pray for you to get through your tough time. Maybe talking to a priest or a trustworthy family members is worth a try. God bless you.
 
I don’t think “move on” is the right way to think about this (as you will probably never forget about it), maybe think “move forward” instead.

It helped me the most to talk to my preist about my baby’s soul and to just “stay busy”. I think I will always remember that baby and feel sad on the day I lost him or her, but I purposefully do not allow myself to dwell on it. It was very easy to get very depressed over the loss, so I needed to force myself to stop. When I think of it, which is still quite often, I leave it at “that was my baby and I love him even though I never got to meet him. God has a reason for the loss that I will not ever know.”

I had a healthy boy after my miscarriage.

I will say a prayer for you tonight.
 
I’m sorry you are hurting from the loss.
I had a stillbirth last August, our son Charles was 24 weeks, 1.4 lbs.
It was very traumatic and hard, but I laid at our Lords feet in the sanctuary like a child, had confession and holy communion before having to deliver him. I know the Lord was near to us who were brokenhearted. As he is near to you.
By Gods grace and going through it with my husband, we got through it. We would lay together and just cry.
Another thing that helped, was writing out the details of the experience, events, my feelings, worries for the future, everything.

It is still a loss that I think about, but I also believe our blessed mother was with him at the time of his death, and thet he is in heaven now. I ask him to pray for us, his family alot. And I look forward to seeing his face in heaven one day.

I got pregnant 3 months later, and the baby is very healthy and due August 9th, and could be born on Charles date,. august 4th.
 
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We lost our first child at 13 weeks, but didn’t find out until 17. “Common” doesn’t make it easy. We named the baby, had a funeral, buried her, and gave her a headstone, all of which was an enormous help. As a bonus, the thank-you notes and gifts you prepare for the people who will help you with this process keep you busy for a little bit and give you something else to think about.

I grieved hard for several months. Mass helped, adoration, prayer, and my community was very supportive. We found out about our second daughter seven months after the loss, much sooner than I was ready. She’s now a healthy, very happy 5.5 months, which is basically a miracle if you knew the circumstances. When I add it all up in my head all I can think is: W.O.W.

We still pray for the lost child every day, and our living daughter will be taught to pray to her as well.

If at some point you think it will help to watch this play out for someone else, you might like to know there’s an episode of The Waltons that deals with it pretty well. The Grampa character goes into a little of the “this was for the best” stuff, which isn’t helpful, but other than that it’s not bad.
 
I’ve had two miscarriages. I went on to have three healthy full term children.

Maybe my age is showing, but I really was raised with the idea that miscarriages were rather common, especially in the first trimester. Indeed, most women didn’t announce their pregnancy until after the first trimester for exactly that reason.

That doesn’t mean it wasn’t a loss, or that I didn’t wonder if I would be able to carry the next baby to term, but I did accept it as a rather normal part of life rather than something I may have caused, or something to be tormented over.

I don’t think there is a right or wrong way to handle it. Every woman and family must handle it their own way, in a way that honors the life and addresses the loss honestly.

Some people have accused me of being cold or unfeeling because I didn’t name the babies, or have a service or anything. I don’t mark the dates. I got pregnant about six months after my second miscarriage and soon had three little children to fill my days and heart.

I don’t have any reason to believe that my miscarried children experienced pain etc, they went to their maker straight away and are well cared for, and I was blessed to be able to raise my other children.

The experience itself was scary and a bit painful and yes, I felt a loss, but truly my other children filled any void that I felt.
 
Calliope said:
Some people have accused me of being cold or unfeeling because I didn’t name the babies, or have a service or anything. I don’t mark the dates
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Isn’t it lovely how some people try to dictate how you should feel? Or should grieve?

I didn’t name my first mis until several years later.
I gave my other mis’es names right away.
But I didn’t want to do other memorials. I know what happened and that’s enough.
 
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