Anyone here feel invited by God to be a priest/religious and said 'no'?

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Tezza

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I guess I should of said, “Could never find the yes” which is essentially saying no. I heard/felt a voice at a retreat when I was 25 ask me “why not you?” as I was praying for more vocations for the Church. It had never, ever, not ever crossed my mind to be a religious. I was set on marriage and motherhood. I did try and be open to discerning it, visiting many orders over the years. I also dated, with many broken relationships. I discovered many things along the path, grew in my faith, found some healing, I just couldn’t ever surrender all and enter religious life. I finally married at 40. I now deal with a lot of guilt and fear. It doesn’t look like we will be able to have children, which makes me feel as if God is not blessing our marriage because it wasn’t supposed to be my vocation(?). I feel so tormented. Prayers for peace would be approeciated, as well as any advice.

Blessings in Jesus through Mary.
 
Tezza said:
I guess I should of said, “Could never find the yes” which is essentially saying no. I heard/felt a voice at a retreat when I was 25 ask me “why not you?” as I was praying for more vocations for the Church. It had never, ever, not ever crossed my mind to be a religious. I was set on marriage and motherhood. I did try and be open to discerning it, visiting many orders over the years. I also dated, with many broken relationships. I discovered many things along the path, grew in my faith, found some healing, I just couldn’t ever surrender all and enter religious life. I finally married at 40. I now deal with a lot of guilt and fear. It doesn’t look like we will be able to have children, which makes me feel as if God is not blessing our marriage because it wasn’t supposed to be my vocation(?). I feel so tormented. Prayers for peace would be approeciated, as well as any advice.

Blessings in Jesus through Mary.
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Well it seems like your vocation is marriage now. I don’t think God is punishing you with the lack of children. I think people will agree with me here.
 
Sarcelle said:
Well it seems like your vocation is marriage now. I don’t think God is punishing you with the lack of children. I think people will agree with me here.
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The pain of dealing with infertility is difficult enough with God, but when you feel guilt about vocation and a strained relationship with God, it is a heavy burden. One of my motivation for choosing marriage over religious life was motherhood.
 
Tezza said:
The pain of dealing with infertility is difficult enough with God, but when you feel guilt about vocation and a strained relationship with God, it is a heavy burden. One of my motivation for choosing marriage over religious life was motherhood.
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People may have asked you this before and if they did please forgive me. Have you thought about adopting? Of course, not all childless couples are called to adopt, but it could be worthwhile to explore this option.
 
Sarcelle said:
People may have asked you this before and if they did please forgive me. Have you thought about adopting? Of course, not all childless couples are called to adopt, but it could be worthwhile to explore this option.
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Yes, we are looking into adoption.
 
Prayers for peace, Tezza, and for fulfillment of your wish to have a child. I personally believe that God will bless whatever we do–whoever we are–when we are trying to please Him. I believe He will bless our wanderings and even our mistakes. “We know that in everything God works for good with those who love him, who are called according to his purpose.”

God will bless you, is blessing you, in whatever state you find yourself as you seek Him.
 
GoldenSeal said:
Prayers for peace, Tezza, and for fulfillment of your wish to have a child. I personally believe that God will bless whatever we do–whoever we are–when we are trying to please Him. I believe He will bless our wanderings and even our mistakes. “We know that in everything God works for good with those who love him, who are called according to his purpose.”

God will bless you, is blessing you, in whatever state you find yourself as you seek Him.
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Thank you. Your words are very comforting.
 
Tezza said:
The pain of dealing with infertility is difficult enough with God, but when you feel guilt about vocation and a strained relationship with God, it is a heavy burden. One of my motivation for choosing marriage over religious life was motherhood.
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Have you prayed for a child? Keep praying for a child, maybe one day Mary and God will give you. Now the technology is high enough that some over 40 can have a child. God bless.
 
GoldenSeal said:
Prayers for peace, Tezza, and for fulfillment of your wish to have a child. I personally believe that God will bless whatever we do–whoever we are–when we are trying to please Him. I believe He will bless our wanderings and even our mistakes. “We know that in everything God works for good with those who love him, who are called according to his purpose.”

God will bless you, is blessing you, in whatever state you find yourself as you seek Him.
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…well said:thumbsup:
 
Looking back now that I am 30 years old, I can see God called me to his church when I was actually 18. I couldn’t stop thinking about being a carmelite nun. The solitude yet the community, the prayer but also the work and free time. But the world won that battle. It is something I really feel I should had at least give it a try, but I thought it were silly thoughts since I wasn’t even baptized… If I had followed that route surely my son wouldn’t be here today though, so now the plan is different. To even start to consider a religious vocation I will have to wait 14 years for my little one to be 18. 😦

People make choices. Good choices, bad choices and what I like to call neutral choices. I guess following or not following what latter seems a calling from God can be morally neutral mostly because independantly of your choice you can always enter heaven. May it be by a religious vocation, or marriage. I think you should focus on getting yourself and your husband to heaven, that is what marriage is about. You can try to volunteer and help orphan children and be the mother they don’t have. Of course you might be a bit sad you don’t have your own little prince / princess, but who knows? Maybe you can find fulfillment there. Here in Portugal there are some houses who have a “Mom” who has that exact role for orphan children or abused children who were taken from their parents house. Just an idea 🙂
 
You can only expect a final answer after your days here are done. 😉

With that in mind, I’ll put this out: Try to live your marriage as much as you can in its inherent function: to make you a saint, wheter through motherhood, or a deeper spirituality by walking to God with your husband, or which other way that might come that Our Lord brings to your life. Let’s face a fact - if marriage wasn’t your calling, you chose a longer path to God rather than another one that might’ve been available, and that means you need to give your best so that you can make yourself closer to God by making yourself closer with your other.

With that out of the way, I’ll give you my personal (name removed by moderator)ut - I don’t think you are called to a religious life. Watch most of the testimonies given by nuns: they always had a bit of a leaning towards what turned out to be their vocation, and once they found the community they found to be right for them, they go into it and don’t usually look back. In your case, you visited orders constantly, you discerned it openly, and you simply felt a relunctance in giving it all away for God, which I see as a bit of a contrast to the other vocations, where they fall into such love that they give everything to explore it. In my personal case (in which I’m discerning to be a priest), I wasn’t able to keep a relationship that I’ve had, because I felt that it wasn’t the way that God was calling me. I felt a desire to be a father, and to love someone for the rest of my life, but I also felt that it wasn’t my now-ex-girlfriend (or any crush I’ve had afterwards until today) that would fulfill that desire, but Holy Mother Church.

I hope I helped, and I’ll pray for you, and for the conception of a future child from you. God bless! 👍
 
ServantPD said:
You can only expect a final answer after your days here are done. 😉

With that in mind, I’ll put this out: Try to live your marriage as much as you can in its inherent function: to make you a saint, wheter through motherhood, or a deeper spirituality by walking to God with your husband, or which other way that might come that Our Lord brings to your life. Let’s face a fact - if marriage wasn’t your calling, you chose a longer path to God rather than another one that might’ve been available, and that means you need to give your best so that you can make yourself closer to God by making yourself closer with your other.

With that out of the way, I’ll give you my personal (name removed by moderator)ut - I don’t think you are called to a religious life. Watch most of the testimonies given by nuns: they always had a bit of a leaning towards what turned out to be their vocation, and once they found the community they found to be right for them, they go into it and don’t usually look back. In your case, you visited orders constantly, you discerned it openly, and you simply felt a relunctance in giving it all away for God, which I see as a bit of a contrast to the other vocations, where they fall into such love that they give everything to explore it. In my personal case (in which I’m discerning to be a priest), I wasn’t able to keep a relationship that I’ve had, because I felt that it wasn’t the way that God was calling me. I felt a desire to be a father, and to love someone for the rest of my life, but I also felt that it wasn’t my now-ex-girlfriend (or any crush I’ve had afterwards until today) that would fulfill that desire, but Holy Mother Church.

I hope I helped, and I’ll pray for you, and for the conception of a future child from you. God bless! 👍
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Thank you for your words. I will reflect on them. And thank you for your prayers. Prayers for you as well in your vocation. God bless you.
 
I was accepted for Seminary and, quite literally, backed out at the very last moment. In the years since, in the back of my mind, I’ve been counting days since that point until now when I look back and think “if I’d not done that, I’d have been ordained last year”.

But, I have to believe that things happen for a reason. My gifts have not gone to waste. They’re just pointed in different directions now. We don’t do ourselves - or God - any service by looking back in regret at things we cannot change.

You are married now, that’s what counts. And don’t forget, nothing need stop you from joining a Third Order.
 
Not sure if this will be of any comfort but this happens to so many women of your age; seems almost a midlife crisis . Looking at what might have been. when doors have been closed on what might have been…Thus blessedly normal in so many ways and it will resolve and ease I promise. I always remember a line from TS Eliot about “disturbing the dust on a bowl or rose leaves…” and not looking at the roads we did not travel. I am over 70 now and know these things well but have no regrets.
 
Adding to this that it works both ways as it is in these middle years that many religious feel regrets and have the same doubts and these years see the biggest fall out rate from convents.
 
Tezza said:
I guess I should of said, “Could never find the yes” which is essentially saying no. I heard/felt a voice at a retreat when I was 25 ask me “why not you?” as I was praying for more vocations for the Church. It had never, ever, not ever crossed my mind to be a religious. I was set on marriage and motherhood. I did try and be open to discerning it, visiting many orders over the years. I also dated, with many broken relationships. I discovered many things along the path, grew in my faith, found some healing, I just couldn’t ever surrender all and enter religious life. I finally married at 40. I now deal with a lot of guilt and fear. It doesn’t look like we will be able to have children, which makes me feel as if God is not blessing our marriage because it wasn’t supposed to be my vocation(?). I feel so tormented. Prayers for peace would be approeciated, as well as any advice.

Blessings in Jesus through Mary.
Click to expand...
Don’t give in to discouragement. God is never the author of discouragement. I believe that if God was calling you to religious life, there would have come a time when He would have given you the grace and courage you needed to accept his offer. He may have simply wanted you to discern and then get married (which happened! :D). He blessed you with a husband and only desires to love you and be loved in return. Don’t worry about regrets. God isn’t punishing you. He loves you too much! He is using your state in life to spread his love in other ways.
You can always pray to St. Anne, the patron saint of infertility and the mother of the Virgin Mary, if you haven’t already. Take heart and don’t be discouraged. I will pray for you! 🙂
 
coachdennis said:
It all comes down to faith.
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Don’t pretend like it’s that straightforward. You might have a vocation, you might not. If you don’t, you might ask Our Lord and His Most Holy Mother to help you go through it to have an objectively better state in life that the one that might’ve been designed for you. But that doesn’t make it “all come down to faith”. There are those that need a pious life in another state of life to reach sainthood, and have the religious life as a mere option for them for a easier way to reach it, and there are those that can’t properly convert without disposing everything they’ve got into Our Lord’s service. And the OP seems to be asking wheter or not she’s the latter…
 
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