Appreciating Attractive Members of The Opposite Sex Without Lusting

[Insomniac]

How on earth is this achieved? It seems to me that my mind is immediately drawn to sexual urges… It’s difficult. I don’t know…

 

[Believe_85]

How on earth is this achieved? It seems to me that my mind is immediately drawn to sexual urges… It’s difficult. I don’t know…

It is a natural to see a person of the opposite sex as attractive; God made the body in His image, and that image is beautiful.

There are things that clearly wrong:
-taking an extra long look, ie. checking someone out if you are committed to someone or if you can’t look w/o lust
-taking a second look
-entertaining impure thoughts (continuing to think about someone you see, or allowing yourself to “enjoy” lustful thoughts …this is different than thoughts popping into your mind)
-If you have a significant other you are committed to, you better not be looking at anyone else!

If you can’t look at someone without lust, then Jesus says Cut Out Your Eye…not literally, but don’t put yourself in situations that tempt.

 

[tvdxer]

It is a natural to see a person of the opposite sex as attractive; God made the body in His image, and that image is beautiful.

There are things that clearly wrong:
-taking an extra long look, ie. checking someone out if you are committed to someone or if you can’t look w/o lust
-taking a second look
-entertaining impure thoughts (continuing to think about someone you see, or allowing yourself to “enjoy” lustful thoughts …this is different than thoughts popping into your mind)
-If you have a significant other you are committed to, you better not be looking at anyone else!

If you can’t look at someone without lust, then Jesus says Cut Out Your Eye…not literally, but don’t put yourself in situations that tempt.

What does “take a second look” mean? Is this some kind of figurative expression?

 

[JonW]

When this happens to me, I’ve been saying “Bless her, Lord.” It works very well for me. Also, I know that Christopher West has plenty of tips and deep theological insights about this too. That from JPII’s Theology of the Body.

Pax

Jon

 

[Cleopas]

Having the urge is not the sin of lust. Temptation, yes.

Yielding to it, even if only in the heart, is the sin of lust.

Otherwise it’s instinct, our natural human God given passions at work. Thankfully temperance is part of the fruit of the Spirit.

 

[Believe_85]

What does “take a second look” mean? Is this some kind of figurative expression?

What I mean is, obviously you will see people and have to look at them. When you first look at someone and feel “wow, she’s hot”, and then purposely “takes a second look” knowing they will think lustfully (as the OP seemed to suggest he feels after only one look) then this is just asking for the devil to work on you.

To clarify, this response is specifically for the situation that the OP described. If a person is single, and doesn’t feel lust when they see someone attractive but is simply admiring, I don’t see a problem with that.

 

[coda]

How on earth is this achieved? It seems to me that my mind is immediately drawn to sexual urges… It’s difficult. I don’t know…

It is impossible not to look… I think my "line’ is crossed when I go from noticing what I like ABOUT a woman, to what I would like to do WITH a woman. And it can happen quickly! Then its time to ask the Holy Spirit to come to me…

 

[jdemnyan]

It is impossible not to look… I think my "line’ is crossed when I go from noticing what I like ABOUT a woman, to what I would like to do WITH a woman. And it can happen quickly! Then its time to ask the Holy Spirit to come to me…

I completely agree!! As a former seminarian who attended class at Duquesne U, a school with attractive women and alot of them- I found it most helpful whenever I found myself in a similiar situation to just pray quietly “Lord, I hope that her soul is as equally beautiful as her looks!”

Simplistic perhaps, but it worked for me-

 

[fbl9]

I completely agree!! As a former seminarian who attended class at Duquesne U, a school with attractive women and alot of them- I found it most helpful whenever I found myself in a similiar situation to just pray quietly “Lord, I hope that her soul is as equally beautiful as her looks!”

Simplistic perhaps, but it worked for me-

this i like thanks for your (name removed by moderator)ut.

 

[Magicsilence]

Try always bringing your eyes up to look at their face.

Also, I think this is one area of moral theology where **experience **(2-3 years minimum) allows you to appreciate others without lusting.

For someone who has just gone cold turkey from pornography, (for example) it is much more difficult to appreciate the distinction.

 

[StCsDavid]

I had a great example of this last night at the workout room at our apartment. Here I am, middle-aged dude in baggy sweats on the treadmill, when Little Miss Thing comes in wearing shorts that are one size too small for her size-two body and decides to do her Yoga or Pilates or whatever they call it. Why she can’t do these exercises in the privacy of her own home is beyond me. Now it was impossible not to notice that she was an attractive woman, but what was possible was to not respond to those initial feelings, which are likely biological anyway. So it’s a choice of entertaining feelings or not. Not every feeling has to be entertained, otherwise I would weigh 1000 pounds as I’m marvelously tempted by Kentucky Fried Chicken.

Also it’s a choice of not participating in another’s sin. In this case, this young child of God had chosen to dress immodestly to get noticed, show off her body, maybe even have guys lust after her. I chose not to participate in that. I appreciate her as God’s child. I even appreciate her beauty. I don’t appreciate her misuse of the gifts God has given her.

 

[fbl9]

Try always bringing your eyes up to look at their face.

Also, I think this is one area of moral theology where **experience **(2-3 years minimum) allows you to appreciate others without lusting.

For someone who has just gone cold turkey from pornography, (for example) it is much more difficult to appreciate the distinction.

2-3yrs minimum i don’t know if that would be long enough for me.but after that time period i have notice a big improvement in my life in this regards,it is not sin to see but to look to see is where the sin starts.

 

[noumenon]

How on earth is this achieved? It seems to me that my mind is immediately drawn to sexual urges… It’s difficult. I don’t know…

To view the body as a work of art.let’s take it to body building-- I may see a female with a well portioned body and compliment her.It don’t always playout that way,however, this is just to say that it’s whatever you think.If you see a female and you entertain sex simultaneously then that’s what it is.It’s about selectively reprogramming your mentality to the point of some kind of control.It takes awhile but it works.

 

[noumenon]

Try always bringing your eyes up to look at their face.

Also, I think this is one area of moral theology where **experience **(2-3 years minimum) allows you to appreciate others without lusting.

For someone who has just gone cold turkey from pornography, (for example) it is much more difficult to appreciate the distinction.

Very good advice.

 

[noumenon]

I had a great example of this last night at the workout room at our apartment. Here I am, middle-aged dude in baggy sweats on the treadmill, when Little Miss Thing comes in wearing shorts that are one size too small for her size-two body and decides to do her Yoga or Pilates or whatever they call it. Why she can’t do these exercises in the privacy of her own home is beyond me. Now it was impossible not to notice that she was an attractive woman, but what was possible was to not respond to those initial feelings, which are likely biological anyway. So it’s a choice of entertaining feelings or not. Not every feeling has to be entertained, otherwise I would weigh 1000 pounds as I’m marvelously tempted by Kentucky Fried Chicken.

Also it’s a choice of not participating in another’s sin. In this case, this young child of God had chosen to dress immodestly to get noticed, show off her body, maybe even have guys lust after her. I chose not to participate in that. I appreciate her as God’s child. I even appreciate her beauty. I don’t appreciate her misuse of the gifts God has given her.

I like the way you think.