Approval Seeking

[XJ9]

I have a bit of a vice.

I need the approval of my friends to feel comfortable about what I do and believe. I can’t really handle my peers’ disapproval not because I need to be right. I just get caught up in a downward spiral of skepticism. I get obsessed and consumed with doubt.

For example, a friend once challenged me about the type of music I listen to, and that conversation has eaten away at me for years. I still feel a sense of apprehension and doubt when I listen to music.

I’m not really sure how to combat this problem. I can’t surround myself only with people who tell me what I want to hear. But I can’t drive myself mad endlessly debating things in my head.

Any advice?

 

[Maximilian75]

Take heart in the fact that, in the long run, only God’s opinion of you matters. And guess what? His mind is made up. He loves you enough to die for you, which He did, freely and willingly.

 

[Bon_Croix]

Find a new crew to hang out with.

 

[Cruciferi]

Agreed. All that matters is that you’re a good faithful Catholic following da’ rules.

 

[Trishie]

You are yourself, a precious gift of God to Himself, to you, to your family, to the communities you inhabit.
As a child of God, as a precious unique gift, you need only His approval. God grant that you will come to know that.

One life to give

Dear God, there are many beautiful, generous, wise and productive people in this world and throughout time. These ‘fully human, fully alive’ individuals are floodgates of abundant blessing to others and of great joy and glory to You.

I have many flaws and often make mistakes. I am inconsistent in charity, faith, wisdom and commitment. Forgive me, God.

Yet even if I am less wise and less good than many others are, I have merely this consciousness, this body, this life that I can give You. There is no other self over whom I have right of decision and offering.

Only by Your miracles of grace can I give this ‘me’ totally, and in the way that You wish for Your delight and for others’ benefit. Please make it so, according to Your hope.

I consecrate my entire life to You. I cannot change others’ paths, but with Your Spirit, I can love You with all my heart, soul, mind and strength.

I have only myself to give. Please take all. Never let me go. Make me increasingly Your own. Let me live and accomplish, all that You dreamed of me from loving eternity.

 

[Laura_N]

Find a good counselor. This a psychological issue that many people need professional help to overcome.

 

[Kei]

Perhaps be by your lonesome for a bit and meditate and pray.

 

[Tis_Bearself]

Find a good counselor. This a psychological issue that many people need professional help to overcome.

This.
We all have some trouble going against our peers’ judgment from time to time. But obsessing over a dispute about music, years later, is a sign something else is going on.
Find a counselor to help you get to the bottom of it.

 

[1ke]

This sort of thing needs professional help, counselor or therapist. There is something at the root of this issue. Most people have some level of need for approval, but this is way outside the norm. You get anxiety listening to music years later because someone didn’t like that type of music-- this is something that needs some professional help to unpack and analyze.

 

[FollowChrist34]

Spend more time alone. You need to develop your own identity, voice.

 

[fhansen]

We’re all different, unique in our own way. Strive to value and cherish that fact about yourself. Trying to please everyone is really pride-driven, and ends up pleasing no one, and only serves to undermine and compromise ourselves in the end. Adam & Eve were actually the first to do this with their first sin BTW. It’s an aspect of estrangement from God and ourselves, a mark of Original Sin.

 

[Mary888]

I agree with all who said that some time by yourself will do you good. Maybe if their opinion matters so much is not that you have low esteem or anything like that. You just aren’t convinced like in your e.g. what type of music you like and there is just this type of music you would just rather listen but not necessarily would say that it identifies you. And bare in mind that you don’t have to be set exclusively on all subjects like being able to fill in a quizz about all categories - music, books, politics, movies, colors, fashion, charities etc. Take the questions with an eaay heart even if they turn into criticism.