Are all DREs like this?

[Col40]

Calling names in regard to the Priest, it sure does not appear to be Christian charity if you ask me.

I didn’t name call–OK, maybe a wimp. His passive attitude to this situation is a great deal of the problem. And he doesn’t have a really wonderful rapport with the parish in general—he came in with great ideas and has done a lot to correct some things, like a leaking roof, facility management issues, financial issues, that our previous pastor let slide. I applaud him for that. He also made a lot of cultural changes–well change is OK, too–if it’s handled correctly and sensitively–and in many cases, it wasn’t. But the mistake he made that has cost him a lot of good will is he forgot he is here to serve, not be served. He expects a lot out of parishioners, but is very stingy in returning it at times with pastoral concern for those who need him–except those with boxes to the local sporting events. He’s also very jealous of the high regard and love we all still have for our former pastor, now retired. He came in like this pastor–filled with ideas and desire to make changes and came up against resistance, too. But he respected that the pastor he replaced was also beloved and he went out of his way to recognize those who served, not expected it. And he was there when you needed a pastor–the current one, depends on the mood he’s in.

But in the end, having worked with the current pastor, he does have moments of clarity in which he can see beyond his own agendas and recognize what’s right. So can the principal–who is also not perfect–she’s new to this position and the learning curve is steep, and she’s made some rookie mistakes that she still needs to learn from. But the DRE—it’s her way or the highway–and I’m hoping she finds the on-ramp soon.

 

[leonie]

All of the DREs I have met have been wonderful.

There’s been a couple youth ministers that I’ve been pretty annoyed with, though.

Pray and fast.

 

[puzzleannie]

we also share space with the school, which is owned by the parish, and leased to the school for a dollar a year, they pay the utilities, except for a pro-rated portion assigned to hours of CCD use.

we do our best, have a rule about no food or drink in the classrooms, no touching property belonging to school, teachers or students (the only offense that is grounds for dismissal from the program, and there have been some violations). School has a agreed to notify me immediately of any problems so we can p(name removed by moderator)oint who is at fault and deal with it immediately.

we cannot use the whiteboards (although one is supposed to be kept free for CCD use), often cannot use desks because policy is if any property is left out on the desk we cannot touch it. Often they have art projects in progress so we cannot use the room at all and sit on the floor in the hall.

we cannot post work on the wall, or have a prayer corner, or use the one in the classroom, cannot hang posters or charts that would aid learning, cannot use AV equipment (have to move one of my 2 TVs in and out),

we cannot use the school cafeteria on school nights by arrangment with the school (mine, to eradicate a major source of complaints). The school schedules events with no regard for the parish calendar, leading to many conflicts not the least of which is parking problems.

As DRE I am responsible for parent sacramental meetings–at CCD expense–for families who do not support the parish, but the school is not interested in joint celebration of the sacraments, family events, seasonal programs, retreats etc.

I cannot enter the school until 6 when their after-school programs are over so cannot have an after-school CCD, for which there is a demand.

there are 2 sides to every story. if a catechist forgets and leaves CCD supplies in the classroom they will never be seen again. we are sometimes, not always alotted one or two shelves to store books for the 4-5 classes that use each classroom during the week, but usually the catechist has to lug books and supplies, so if they don’t come early enough, take up valuable minutes of class time.

there are 2 sides to every story, yes many of our school families (usually the ones from outside the parish) are elitist and want no part of parish life, but for the most part, largely through deliberate efforts of principal, me and certain members of school board and parish council, cooperation has increased every year, we assist their projects, and they are starting to help with parish events. It gets better but slowly. The problem is 90% people and control issues.

 

[Col40]

Wow PuzzleAnnie:

I wish you were our DRE…you’d see we would treat you really nice. The HSA would invite you to events, give you gifts on your birthday, Christmas and end of year (like we do now!)–the school faculty would include you. You’d see we’re not the “elitist snobs”—we’re just parents and teachers who believe in Catholic education for a number of reasons. I think you’d see we’re good, faithful people of God who would embrace you.

We don’t restrict use of any classrooms…just ask that supplies/inside of desks be left alone because it costs money to replace those things and we’re not growing it on trees–KWIM? Smartboards and computers–yes, those are off limits…but there are a lot of controls within the school as to who can access them and where they are located–it’s not RE only that has guidelines on that. Honestly, the way the RE program is structured, they do not need to use the technology center or Smartboards. I even got yelled at for turning my back to write on the board the last year, during which a student was bombarded with spitballs (I did lecture them on that, but one father–whose son was the main instigator but convinced his father he was “bullied” went and complained about it and of course, the DRE did not defend me when he said RE teachers are as in control as subs at school. I know because he said it to my face after I got pulled out of the classroom post-class while I was on my hands and knees cleaining up the mess his son and alleged tormentors left. Oh–and he insisted on sitting in on my class the next week and to make matters worse–tried to hit on me before class commenting on my perfume and trying to get a better sniff. And yes, I was very respectful of him in class and treated him warmly–even though I was feeling a bit uncomfortable.)

Our school calendar planning involves the priest/pastoral assistant–this year’s HSA president said this year was almost impossible for the school to schedule events–even off campus–because of parish events that were previously schedule–RE being the primary one. Of course, the DRE is NOT going to be too happy because we had to schedule Pre-Cana on a Saturday when her program is scheduled—normally, we go out of our way to schedule Pre-Cana (which I coordinate) after RE has finished for the year, but the pastor and my husband both have conflicts for the normal weekend we hold it and three weekends after that, so the pastor said move it up a week hence the last week of RE—also when they normally hold a “party” in the school cafeteria. He promised me he’d deal with her–because this is an important ministry not only for our parish but all in the area—we’re the only pre-cana in the vicariate now so it’s bigger than even our parish.

Just like you’re proving to me by your post that not all DREs are anti-schools in a school that would welcome them, not all schools are anti-RE with a DRE that acknowledged the value of Catholic education and all those who support it.

 

[puzzleannie]

you bring up a personal problem with one employee, and you even admit, the person who can address the problem is not doing it–the pastor. He will not respond unless and until there are a series of documented complaints of real abuses and problems, by a number of people. he will not respond at all to a series of complaints, some major, some minor, from one person, that come across as vindictive or personal problems. then you bring up a personal problem with a parent. I agree that you cannot continue to work with this person as things stand, because your problem with her will get in the way of your ability to teach.

but there is no logical way to expand a problem some people are having in one parish with one person into an attack on 1)parish schools in general 2)DREs and power-seeking lay pastoral staff in general 3)less than adequate CCD programs or 4)weak pastors.

No all DREs are not this way.

most of the problems you bring up could be easily solved with a little creativity–locked cabinets, sensible rules explained to parents, staff and students, as well as catechists and CCD families, with enforcement, and personal cooperation between DRE, Principal and Pastor (and the last is out of your control).

 

[Col40]

you bring up a personal problem with one employee, and you even admit, the person who can address the problem is not doing it–the pastor. He will not respond unless and until there are a series of documented complaints of real abuses and problems, by a number of people. he will not respond at all to a series of complaints, some major, some minor, from one person, that come across as vindictive or personal problems. then you bring up a personal problem with a parent. I agree that you cannot continue to work with this person as things stand, because your problem with her will get in the way of your ability to teach.

but there is no logical way to expand a problem some people are having in one parish with one person into an attack on 1)parish schools in general 2)DREs and power-seeking lay pastoral staff in general 3)less than adequate CCD programs or 4)weak pastors.

No all DREs are not this way.

most of the problems you bring up could be easily solved with a little creativity–locked cabinets, sensible rules explained to parents, staff and students, as well as catechists and CCD families, with enforcement, and personal cooperation between DRE, Principal and Pastor (and the last is out of your control).

Thank you! I know the simpler issues have been dealt with—the bigger, overall culture still needs to be addressed. And it starts and ends at the top. I think it’s going to take some prodding of parents (both school and RE) and staff to start to present their issues to the pastor and let him know–it’s not a personality conflict between a few people—this is a bigger issue. I’m in a unique position because I was teaching RE but also being a school volunteer–I saw where the animosity came from and was directed.

I appreciate that this board allowed me to vent because by putting this on paper, and getting different perspectives now I can see what’s going on…it’s really solidified to me that no, not all DREs are this way thanks to your post, PuzzleAnnie.

 

[HouseArrest]

A somewhat unrelated comment which isn’t going to help you solve your problem:

You know, I’ve read enough threads like this one on CAF that I’m glad that our parish DOESN’T have a school. It seems like parishes with schools always end up with some kind of power struggle between the school and the non-school parishioners, or a fight over resources between the school and the parish. (and the pastor always gets caught in the middle.)

We might not have a school, but at least our parish and our pastor can focus on the basics of providing the sacraments and building a community, instead of fighting turf wars like this one.

That’s too bad. It’s like hoping you don’t have more than one child because they might fight from time to time. Usually these things can be worked out. The pastor is the one who needs to be sure this ends, just like a parent would between siblings. Not sure how, but he needs to do it. Go to him and spell it all out, with facts, not emotions.

 

[Col40]

That’s too bad. It’s like hoping you don’t have more than one child because they might fight from time to time. Usually these things can be worked out. The pastor is the one who needs to be sure this ends, just like a parent would between siblings. Not sure how, but he needs to do it. Go to him and spell it all out, with facts, not emotions.

EXACTLY! Very well stated. And to that end, I think our pastor is taking that “work it out amongst yourselves” strategy–though I did enlist him to advise her that I needed the school hall in May for Pre-Cana, because I wasn’t going to listen to her carry on. He originally told me to do so, but I’ve decided that as a volunteer, there’s only so much abuse I’ll take.

 

[Col40]

Quick update on this…our pastor now has seen her ugly side. Hasn’t fired her yet, but he’s well aware of what a horrible woman she is. And he’s encouraging, at least from one aspect, Children’s Liturgy, to get more people involved without having to deal as much with her. He sees how much she tries to deter volunteers and he’s not happy.

Even the Rel Ed parents are not happy with her—one told me that before she arrived, the program was vibrant and enthusiastic. Now she’s killed that. No joy at all, just militant lectures.

Hopefully it’s a matter of time before she goes. I pray hard that she’ll realize she’s not happy at our parish and that she finds something else that makes her happy.