Are Catholic parents responsible for their children's behaviour?

[Rahn]

I’ve noted a behaviour pattern in the two parishes I attend regularly. Both parishes are basically traditional, with one being more so. I work in a youth group at that one. What I’ve noted is that the majority of the children that attend the youth group are ill-behaved. Rude, obnoxious, disinterested in anything that is the least bit “weighty” that we present. I’ve noted it at the other parish as well, but not as much.

It’s exactly what I wouldn’t have expected, it seems that the more traditional and orthodox the parish, the worse behaved the children are. I’m the parent of three children myself, and I view it as a part of my faith to raise my children to be well-behaved.

This very well may be a local phenomenon, and I’m not putting it forward as a cardinal rule, but it’s curious that I’ve seen it in both parishes.

What are your experiences with this?

 

[Xanthippe_Voorhees]

I’ve noted a behaviour pattern in the two parishes I attend regularly. Both parishes are basically traditional, with one being more so. I work in a youth group at that one. What I’ve noted is that the majority of the children that attend the youth group are ill-behaved. Rude, obnoxious, disinterested in anything that is the least bit “weighty” that we present. I’ve noted it at the other parish as well, but not as much.

It’s exactly what I wouldn’t have expected, it seems that the more traditional and orthodox the parish, the worse behaved the children are. I’m the parent of three children myself, and I view it as a part of my faith to raise my children to be well-behaved.

This very well may be a local phenomenon, and I’m not putting it forward as a cardinal rule, but it’s curious that I’ve seen it in both parishes.

What are your experiences with this?

It sounds like a youth group that children are forced to attend.

That, not the ill behavior, is the crux of the matter. One of the reasons my original Lifeteen group I attended did really, really well was because a good number–more than half-- came from families that didn’t care that they were attending a youth group. Kids who WANTED To be there were respectful, engaged and interested. The very few teens who didn’t want to be there eventually came around due to positive peer pressure.

Children who are forced to attend something are going to take their frustration out somewhere.

It might be prudent to find out what makes them tick-what they are excited about–and springboard off of that. Even if it’s the movies…they have to have some interest. Likely, they are quite used to being talked to and not having their concerns heard.

I know parents who would only allow DTS (Dead Theologian Society) and not Lifeteen. It was HARD to get some of those kids out of their shells–because they were accustomed to being talked down to, told what to believe and how to believe it. Many came from families that had a nightly rosary but then they were “lazy” because they asked to pray the Chaplet or the Litany or any number of other church-approved devotions. They were SO shut down. They didn’t believe any adult could care or have their best interest–and their behavior reflected it.

 

[Rahn]

Thanks! I do Edge at that parish. This is my third year, and I started doing Life Teen this fall as well. There is a marked difference in the behaviour between the two, even with some of the unruly kids I had last year in Edge and see in Life Teen this year. But, there’s also a marked difference in content: we’ve done nights on same-sex attraction and pornography in Life Teen, which wouldn’t fly in Edge.

Edge seems at times like “glorified babysitting”. The thing is, we take care to put together some really good nights with fun, but with some good content as well, and it seems that some nights the most the kids get out of it was how many times they can flip a water bottle during snack time.

I think you are onto something, I remember one boy last year that clearly was being forced to attend, but you’d still think their parents would have taught them a bit more about courtesy and behaviour though.

 

[Xanthippe_Voorhees]

Thanks! I do Edge at that parish. This is my third year, and I started doing Life Teen this fall as well. There is a marked difference in the behaviour between the two, even with some of the unruly kids I had last year in Edge and see in Life Teen this year. But, there’s also a marked difference in content: we’ve done nights on same-sex attraction and pornography in Life Teen, which wouldn’t fly in Edge.

Edge seems at times like “glorified babysitting”. The thing is, we take care to put together some really good nights with fun, but with some good content as well, and it seems that some nights the most the kids get out of it was how many times they can flip a water bottle during snack time.

I think you are onto something, I remember one boy last year that clearly was being forced to attend, but you’d still think their parents would have taught them a bit more about courtesy and behaviour though.

How parent expect and teach a child to behave dosn’t always equate to how a child actually behaves.

There’s alot of maturity in the 8th-9th grade year. 6-8th graders are dealing with hormones and changing expectations at home and school. They might get the most out of fun things because that literally might be the only time they really get to have fun.

Have you asked the kids about the kind of pressures they are facing? What they want to get out of it?

If the behavior changes that much it might seem like you are dealing with a group of over stress, overbooked just so “over life” tweens/teens. While there is a leap of maturity between 8th and 9th graders I think you might be facing more of an issue around them not being respected as young humans.

I’m guessing that Edge might be a “safe” place for them to misbehave without the consequences…home and school are not.

 

[TK421]

Every person has a widely-different threshold of tolerance for what they consider acceptable or unacceptable behavior by children, so the thread serves very little purpose other than reinforcing what everybody’s pre-existing biases may be.

I’ve been to lots of different parishes and I never remember being distracted by children. Ultimately, the most “unruly” Mass is still tranquil compared to a school.

 

[Roseeurekacross]

It sounds like the teens are not engaged. Your challenge as leader, is to engage them.
Maybe having a sit down with them, discussing the group, what they like, hate , want to do in the group, is a good start.

Forget the type of Mass, the type of Parish. What is the socio economic demographic of these kids?

Seems to me the program is not tailored to that age group. What flexibility is there with the curriculum.

 

[BornInMarch]

Are parents responsible for the behavior of their children? I’d say no and yes.

I say no because Ezekiel 18 is still true and God still judges us on an individual basis. “The soul who sins shall die. The son shall not suffer for the iniquity of the father, nor the father suffer for the iniquity of the son”.

But I say yes because parents are ultimately the ones who have the biggest impact on the character of their children. It’s important not to give too much freedom because then a child will not know what is wrong. But it is also important not to give too little because then a child will rebel at the first opportunity or be too timid to take any initiative. At the very least a parent should try to be in their child’s life - if a parent is away all the time then the child will feel like they don’t have one.

 

[Katie777]

Some children at this age are very prone to peer pressure and group think. I’m sure if you trace the misbehavior or apathy, it will land on 1 or 2 kids that seem to be the leaders in this. Some temperments are susceptible to that, even into adulthood.

That’s what I have observed in situations like this.

If you focus on the behavior of influencers, and make them helpers or some thing,then the pressure will be off the other kids to seek thier approval through negative means.

God Bless you for volunteering with this age group, it can’t be easy for sure.

 

[phil_at_dayboro]

No more than any parents Weather they are religious or not,
Manners starts as soon as they can walk ,