Are "Do Overs" Allowed in Catholicism?

[Lipari91]

Ciao All! I converted to Catholicism back in the mid-1980s by going through an RCIA program and getting confirmed. I was not baptized by the Catholic church at that time because I was brought up Baptist and had previously been baptized. Since becoming Catholic, I fell away from the Church, went through a divorce (my first husband was not Catholic and I did have the marriage annulled), and later remarried a Catholic. My new husband and I went to mass regularly for awhile, but both of us fell away at times throughout our 18 year marriage. Last year, I was really feeling empty and had a strong desire to return to the Church. Both my husband and myself contacted a priest, reconciled ourselves back into the Church, and even had our marriage convalidated. I know I should feel better about these matters, but I don’t. First of all, when I entered RCIA those many years ago, I was immature and the full realization of what I was doing seemed absent in retrospect. I was also young and immature when I was baptized. The convalidation of our marriage was a rush job that felt more like a “shotgun wedding” than a sacred event. Our priest was going abroad for the summer and we were in the process of moving out of state, so the whole affair had to be conducted quickly. The ceremony wasn’t even close to our original wedding date either. My question is: are there “do overs” in Catholicism? I really have the desire to re-enter an RCIA program and be baptized by a priest in a Catholic church (complete with a baptismal certificate). I want to deepen my faith and have full understanding and knowledge of the Catholic faith that RCIA would provide. In addition, I would like to plan and redo our convalidation ceremony on the correct date. Are these things possible? Just to add another kink in the works, I should add that I cannot consult a local priest about these matters because we are currently living in bush Alaska and do not have access to a parish. If anyone has any advice or insight, it would be greatly appreciated. Grazie!

 

[FastLearner]

Buona sera la mia amica italiana

The Church will not allow a “do over” for sacraments. You can only be baptized once, that baptism puts an indelible mark on your soul. You also can’t “redo” your marriage. What you can do is attend RCIA for the purpose of learning, and you can renew your wedding vows in the Church.

Maybe the others will prove me wrong, but that’s my understand. Regardless, in bocca al lupo.

 

[LilyM]

The sacraments of baptism and matrimony, as long as they are validly performed, are fully effective (the grace is there regardless of whether you “feel” it or not) and thus cannot be repeated.

Certainly you can go through RCIA again - it’s not just for those preparing for the sacraments.

What you CAN do is renew your marital vows in front of a priest, which is not exactly the same thing as a convalidation, but is something couples often choose to do on the anniversary of their marriage.

You may also wish to renew your baptismal vows - your priest may agree to your doing this in front of him, however it certainly isn’t necessary for him to be present. In fact we all do this every Easter (and, if memory serves, at the baptisms of other people).

 

[Writer]

I would add my agreement to the earlier post. While you can’t get married or baptized again, you can certainly deepen your knowledge and committment to live those sacraments afresh with renewed spirit. I would also encourage you to consider to move to an area where you have regular access to a parish; it sounds like this would help you in your spiritual walk. Although…I can only imagine how gorgeous it is where you are.

I had the opportunity to give CPR to someone earlier today. It is serving as a reminder to me of the precarious nature of all of our lives. We may be called home at any time. Anything we can do to help stengthen our walk with Christ and those we love and hold dear, we should endeavor to do.

God bless.

 

[Lipari91]

Wow. Call it pride I guess…but these issues are important to me. I get that I cannot be “remarried”. However it bothers me that the date the Church now recognizes as my valid marriage is not the date of my original marriage. Personally I don’t want two anniversary dates to celebrate. And, it saddens and disappoints me deeply that I am told I cannot be baptized in the Catholic church. I would feel more like a member, if you will, in the Catholic church if I were baptized there as opposed to being baptized as a 12 year old in the Baptist church. Back then, I was pressured into the decison. As an adult, I have a better understanding of what I am doing and can choose without reservation. Are these statements I am getting absolute? Please refer me to the Catechism if there is a section in there on being disallowed baptism in my case. Thanks for your replies.

Btw, I would love more than anything to move out of where I am currently living. However my husband wanted a career change and now we are stuck here. Long story- Please pray for us!

 

[bigbearjuandieg]

Baptism leaves and indelible mark on your soul, so it cannot be reapeated. However, at my parish (I am a life-long Catholic and former seminarian), many of us go to the weekly RCIA meetings, which are not just for those entering the faith, but a continuation of our growth in knowledge of our faith. I love to hear the hard questions those seeking entry ask, to see if I know the answers myself. I had many assumptions about Protestants, for instance, that I found out to be not true. In many cases, I find converts to the faith to be stronger believers than many life-long Catholics.

I agree with the comment that you need to move closer to a parish, and hopefully, you will find a new one. This is because I have found that, in my case, frequent reception of the Sacraments, prayer in front of The Blessed Sacrament, reading of Scripture and contact with others in the faith is necessary for me to stay on the path to sanctity.

Also, be careful about concentrating too much on your original marriage date. This can be a trip-up point from the evil one to get you to concentrate too much on the past.

 

[bpbasilphx]

\I would feel more like a member, if you will, in the Catholic church if I were baptized there as opposed to being baptized as a 12 year old in the Baptist church.\

**How you “feel” doesn’t matter.

The fact that you receive the Sacraments in the Catholic Church means you are a member.

Subjective feelings don’t enter into the picture.

If they did, faith would NOT be a firm foundation, as our feelings change from day to day and minute to minute.**

 

[Writer]

Wow. Call it pride I guess…but these issues are important to me. I get that I cannot be “remarried”. However it bothers me that the date the Church now recognizes as my valid marriage is not the date of my original marriage. Personally I don’t want two anniversary dates to celebrate. And, it saddens and disappoints me deeply that I am told I cannot be baptized in the Catholic church. I would feel more like a member, if you will, in the Catholic church if I were baptized there as opposed to being baptized as a 12 year old in the Baptist church. Back then, I was pressured into the decison. As an adult, I have a better understanding of what I am doing and can choose without reservation. Are these statements I am getting absolute? Please refer me to the Catechism if there is a section in there on being disallowed baptism in my case. Thanks for your replies.

Btw, I would love more than anything to move out of where I am currently living. However my husband wanted a career change and now we are stuck here. Long story- Please pray for us!

Here’s the CCC reference you requested. See paragraph 1246. It doesn’t get much clearer than that.

scborromeo.org/ccc/p2s2c1a1.htm

I think you misunderstand the reason and nature of baptism; it’s not about feelings. In one sense, you’re fortunate to have had family that took the care to see that you were baptized as a child. I was also baptized in the Baptist denomination as a child, and this in no way is a challenge to my faith or my Christian walk. It was a valid Christian baptism, and it can’t be repeated. Due to a parental oversight, our daughter was not baptized until the Easter Vigil evening we joined the Catholic Church. On one hand, I’m happy that she had this opportunity. On the other hand, however, this experience is personally troubling to me, since (in our church hopping) we missed the fact that what she had as a baby in a Protestant church was more along the lines of a blessing–definitely not a baptism.

 

[agapewolf]

THere is ONE baptism (this is in scripture). Even though you were technically baptized in the baptist church, that baptism counted. When you were received into the Catholic church, you became bound by canon law. By wanting another baptism, you are misunderstanding the meaning of the baptism in the first place.

Your current marriage was invalid until you got it convalidated. Your “marriage” date outside the church (even though you were catholic at the time) was not a real marriage at all. The date of your convalidation is the beginning of your marriage.

The sacrament of reconciliation is our do-over…over and over again. That renews us and reconciles us back into the church.

 

[Bruised_Reed]

Ciao All! I converted to Catholicism back in the mid-1980s by going through an RCIA program and getting confirmed. I was not baptized by the Catholic church at that time because I was brought up Baptist and had previously been baptized. Since becoming Catholic, I fell away from the Church, went through a divorce (my first husband was not Catholic and I did have the marriage annulled), and later remarried a Catholic. My new husband and I went to mass regularly for awhile, but both of us fell away at times throughout our 18 year marriage. Last year, I was really feeling empty and had a strong desire to return to the Church. Both my husband and myself contacted a priest, reconciled ourselves back into the Church, and even had our marriage convalidated. I know I should feel better about these matters, but I don’t. First of all, when I entered RCIA those many years ago, I was immature and the full realization of what I was doing seemed absent in retrospect. I was also young and immature when I was baptized. The convalidation of our marriage was a rush job that felt more like a “shotgun wedding” than a sacred event. Our priest was going abroad for the summer and we were in the process of moving out of state, so the whole affair had to be conducted quickly. The ceremony wasn’t even close to our original wedding date either. My question is: are there “do overs” in Catholicism? I really have the desire to re-enter an RCIA program and be baptized by a priest in a Catholic church (complete with a baptismal certificate). I want to deepen my faith and have full understanding and knowledge of the Catholic faith that RCIA would provide. In addition, I would like to plan and redo our convalidation ceremony on the correct date. Are these things possible? Just to add another kink in the works, I should add that I cannot consult a local priest about these matters because we are currently living in bush Alaska and do not have access to a parish. If anyone has any advice or insight, it would be greatly appreciated. Grazie!

I would probably want to have the same or similar wedding and convalidation date but if they were different I would go with the convalidation date. I think.
Remember, as Catholics most of us were baptised as babies and don’t remember the moment. But I do celebrate the day (privately, no one really knows I do this) and as for confirmation I absolutely did not want to be confirmed; I said I didn’t think I was ready. I don’t really know what was going on with me then. I do know that if I hadn’t I might not of experienced an out-pouring of the Holy Spirit several years later (it was a at a time I was yearning for a tangible experience that you seem to want.) What happens in our soul happens without a feeling or an obvious dramatic moment. Talk to God about this need. He can meet it better than you can imagine.

 

[diggerdomer]

The sacraments of baptism and matrimony, as long as they are validly performed, are fully effective (the grace is there regardless of whether you “feel” it or not) and thus cannot be repeated.

Matrimony can be celebrated more than once, though not validly with the same person.

Certainly you can go through RCIA again - it’s not just for those preparing for the sacraments.

Not correct, actually. The Rite itself IS just for those preparing to celebrate the sacraments. In practice, parishes may welcome others to participate in the program, but the Church’s intent is exactly what the Rite says–to INITIATE adults into Christianity; not to provide ongoing faith formation or continuing education for those who are already (Catholic) Christians.

Sorry, no “do overs” as I understand it in the context asked.

 

[Writer]

One good parish in our area has begun instituting a two-year RCIA or discernment period. I know for our family this would have been unnecessary and very difficult, but perhaps situations like this suggest a value in a longer and more intense RCIA process in some circumstances? Something to think about, at least.

 

[Lipari91]

Thank you Writer for the link to the CCC reference I asked for. To all others, thank you too for your comments. I think several posters got it right when they commented that I needed to move to an area where I have access to a parish. Not being able to participate in weekly mass is probably contributing to my negative feelings. All of the matters I wrote of do need to be discussed with a priest, especially so that I can gain a better understanding of what baptism is all about since it was brought to my attention that I obviously don’t. I wish more than anything that I could move, but we are financially unable to do so at this time. Please don’t condemn me for having “feelings”. Everyone responds to things in different ways and I am one of those “emotional” people who needs to “feel” experiences. Thank you all again for your comments. I have a lot of work to do in my understanding of the sacraments! If anyone has any ideas on how I can deepen my faith from bush Alaska, please share.

 

[baltobetsy]

I have a lot of work to do in my understanding of the sacraments! If anyone has any ideas on how I can deepen my faith from bush Alaska, please share.

Click the “FAITH” tab at the top of this page and check out the library and other resources there. It’s a good start. You can do a lot with your internet connection!

Betsy

 

[agapewolf]

Thank you Writer for the link to the CCC reference I asked for. To all others, thank you too for your comments. I think several posters got it right when they commented that I needed to move to an area where I have access to a parish. Not being able to participate in weekly mass is probably contributing to my negative feelings. All of the matters I wrote of do need to be discussed with a priest, especially so that I can gain a better understanding of what baptism is all about since it was brought to my attention that I obviously don’t. I wish more than anything that I could move, but we are financially unable to do so at this time. Please don’t condemn me for having “feelings”. Everyone responds to things in different ways and I am one of those “emotional” people who needs to “feel” experiences. Thank you all again for your comments. I have a lot of work to do in my understanding of the sacraments! If anyone has any ideas on how I can deepen my faith from bush Alaska, please share.

Stop relying on feelings. Feelings are how satan misleads us. Emotions can be a good thing that can bring us to God, but they can also be very misleading. Jesus didn’t “feel” like getting nailed to the cross, he made a free-will decision to do so.

You do not need to “feel” experiences. Sometimes feelings are a gift from God that are beneficial to us and can be beautiful, but we cannot rely on them as necessary for our faith. Do not buy into that. Mother Theresa did not feel close to God for 50 years, but she kept at it.

 

[Writer]

Thank you Writer for the link to the CCC reference I asked for. To all others, thank you too for your comments. I think several posters got it right when they commented that I needed to move to an area where I have access to a parish. Not being able to participate in weekly mass is probably contributing to my negative feelings. All of the matters I wrote of do need to be discussed with a priest, especially so that I can gain a better understanding of what baptism is all about since it was brought to my attention that I obviously don’t. I wish more than anything that I could move, but we are financially unable to do so at this time. Please don’t condemn me for having “feelings”. Everyone responds to things in different ways and I am one of those “emotional” people who needs to “feel” experiences. Thank you all again for your comments. I have a lot of work to do in my understanding of the sacraments! If anyone has any ideas on how I can deepen my faith from bush Alaska, please share.

You’re very welcome. I’ll endeavor to keep you and your family in my prayers. Feelings are natural and just an inward reflection of what is missing in your current situation. Like others have touched on, though, sometimes what your feelings are “telling” you isn’t the real problem. It’s easy to be mis-directed that way, but there’s certainly not anything wrong with listening to your feelings. You just need to remember that they’re very a imperfect gauge on spiritual issues. I hope you can find a parish home someday soon, because I think that’s something every Catholic needs to survive spiritually.

 

[Lipari91]

Agapewolf- In the beginning, your posts really irritated me. I interpreted what you commented as being very blunt and rude. However, since your last post, I have gone back and re-read what you’ve written several times. What you have been saying to me is beginning to finally sink in and I am beginning to “get it”. So thank you for being so blunt! Your comments are helping me to see things in a different light.

Writer- I appreciate your comments. Thanks for keeping us in mind as we muddle through up here in AK. I totally agree with you that every Catholic needs a parish to survive spiritually!

 

[brigid12]

Agapewolf- In the beginning, your posts really irritated me. I interpreted what you commented as being very blunt and rude. However, since your last post, I have gone back and re-read what you’ve written several times. What you have been saying to me is beginning to finally sink in and I am beginning to “get it”. So thank you for being so blunt! Your comments are helping me to see things in a different light.

Writer- I appreciate your comments. Thanks for keeping us in mind as we muddle through up here in AK. I totally agree with you that every Catholic needs a parish to survive spiritually!

It can be done without, but it’s a lot harder to be Catholic without a parish, and most importantly, the Sacraments. Having feelings is human, the only thing is they’re not reliable alone.
Since for the time-being you need to be in the bush I would suggest both listening to Catholic Answers Radio and watching EWTN on TV or from the internet. Catholic Answers Radio can be accessed on the internet also if a Catholic Radio Station is not available to you (I know there’s at least one in Alaska, but it’s a big state and I don’t know if they’re near you).