Are most men like this when it comes to their children?

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StratusRose

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Lately, I have been noticing that when I am just shooting the breeze with a man he is pretty relaxed until I bring up his kids. If I ask how old they are, names, what they are interested in, how they are doing, his tone totally changes and sounds defensive. I have also noticed that they change the subject pretty quickly.

A more specific example is my photographer for the wedding. He and I were emailing back and forth about wedding details and he said that when the time gets closer that we’d get together about details but to hold off because he and his wife now have a baby. Now, I knew his wife was pregnant but did not ask about the baby and wasn’t going to because A. anything could have happened, like stillbirth, and B. I didn’t want to be nosy. But since he brought it up in an email I asked how the baby was and when she was born. I never heard back from him. Maybe he was busy, but other times when we emailed he got back within a day. It’s been 2 weeks since I heard from him again. Of course there could be other mitigating circumstances, but I guess I wanted to see if the women here have noticed that, or men could give a reason why other men would act like that. I see nothing wrong with it of course, but just wanted to see if there was something I’m missing.
 
Uh oh. I hope this doesn’t turn out to be a “dud” thread. 😦
 
I don’t think I’ve really ever had this happen, or maybe I’m just not that observant. My best guess is that they feel guilty not to be as involved in their children’s lives as they would like, or maybe don’t even remember their birthdays.
 
If it makes you feel any better, my friend BJ who is a stay at home dad, if given the chance, will not shut up about his kids. I think you might be right Vluski, it might be some guilt. It seems part of it might be the whole peer pressure thing…there is next to none.

If you go hang out with women, it can easily go into children this children that. With men, the topic tends not to get treaded too much. It doesn’t help a lot of men who have children, aren’t even living with them, and often enough have no contact. Now if you have one guy in the group talking about how he did this and that with his kid, not even trying to boost or anything (besides men aren’t so often looking for backhanded criticism 🙂 (not that I’m trying to give one right now :cool: (oh shoot, I think I might be getting myself in trouble :o (goodness I’m just digging a bigger hole 🤷 )))) chances are the other guy with his kid might think, maybe I’ll can do something like that.

Now if you got the guy who is the boy scout troop leader, he’ll probably have no trouble talking about his children, and might even have friends as such too, but those unfortunatly are fewer and further in between. Chances are right now that you are in the family life subforume, I’m sure there are quite a few fathers here who have no problem talking about their children.
 
On a side note, I hope you have back-up plans for photography!!!
 
I’ve met some men who will go on and on about their children. But these tend to be the ‘gabby men’ and they are not in the majority.

In general, men remember the competative and battle related information about their children. They can tell you ages and grades. (Well, some can.) And if it’s a newborn, they might be able to give you weight, and length. If the child does exceptionally well in school or at sports a man will tell you that. But other than those facts, most men just aren’t hardwired to notice the little details women do.

In the case of a newborn, I think men know that women can spend hours discussing the new baby. They can’t imagine what there is to say other than relating a few statistics and that they are getting no sleep. It makes them very uncomfortable so they avoid the subject.

And yes, I am generalizing.
 
Since I spend most of my free time with the family anyway, I don’t have a lot else to talk about (except sports).

I love my kiddos and couldn’t imagine life without them. :love:
 
The guys that I know well talk about their children all the time - not as much as wives do - but a lot, for guys.

But these are guys similar to my husband - who have more than the average weekends home with their kids and really enjoy the role of “father” - they take a vig, active part in it - changing diapers, giving baths, taking kids outside/to park/for walks, etc.

I have met three guys, however, who couldn’t even remember their children’s middle names (they all had one child). :eek: One guy didn’t know how to spell his daughter’s first name, and was clueless as to her middle name. The other guy couldn’t remember his son’s birthday. Now THAT is odd.
 
Generally, I end up turning every conversation into a talk about my kids.
 
StratusRose said:
Lately, I have been noticing that when I am just shooting the breeze with a man he is pretty relaxed until I bring up his kids. If I ask how old they are, names, what they are interested in, how they are doing, his tone totally changes and sounds defensive. I have also noticed that they change the subject pretty quickly.
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Did I tell you about the other day when my son come home from school…oh my it was the funniest thing…he came into the house and…(rambling on for 6 minutes)…I could not believe it…I laughed so hard…but then my daughter, she was in the living room and she started to goof around…let me tell you what she did…(rambling for 8 minutes - you know girls require more time to tell their stories)…and I thought she would not stop laughing…and then my youngest he started to play with the pots and pans and when he gets into them…(more rambling)…and did I tell you that the baby inside my wife is now the size of a lime, let me tell you…

:rotfl: :rotfl:
 
Hmm. Three of the men in my lab have young kids. While they might not share all details of their kids’ activities, etc., they are certainly not averse to mentioning their kids or answering questions about them. Of course all three are very involved parents and seem to genuinely enjoy their children, so maybe that’s the difference.
 
amcalabrese said:
Generally, I end up turning every conversation into a talk about my kids.
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I’m with you! Note: When I’m with the guys at work, almost all will speak fondly of their kids. Many even brag. Maybe around you ladies they clam up but i don’t.

Would you like to hear about my kids?? Just say yes and I’ll fill up the rest of this thread…🙂 🙂 God Bless
 
I don’t think it’s just the guys who are guilty about being less involved, though. Some may simply worry about giving too many details about their kids to someone they don’t know that well. After all, one can never be certain of the motives of the person asking.
 
It sounds to me like you have a business relationship with this man. I think that men are good at separating business from their personal lives. He probably didn’t see what your question had to do with the fact that you hired him to take pictures at your wedding. Just a thought.
 
Some people just don’t get the idea of replying to questions. They will see your message in integrum, so to say, and they won’t single out questions for answering. It looks like the question mark doesn’t do its magic on them. I would have thought it to be a feminine thing, now you seem to be taking it for a masculine one, so I guess it’s just general. Another possibility, not necessarily mutually exclusive with the first one is that your message and replying to it was low on his priority list. Chances are he will talk back soon, apologising for the delay. But hope you have back-up plans, as has been said. Maybe pray for him in case something bad’s going on? I don’t think you would have awakened some strange emotions in him, making him hide and neglect your business deal. He had been asking you to put it off a bit, right? So chances are he’s now taking the time he needed.
 
My hubby loves to talk about our kids. To everyone. All the time. Of course, he will talk about anything to anyone, all the time :p. He will tell you about our daughter’s adoption, or our other daughter breastfeeding, or our son’s…
 
Listener said:
It sounds to me like you have a business relationship with this man. I think that men are good at separating business from their personal lives. He probably didn’t see what your question had to do with the fact that you hired him to take pictures at your wedding. Just a thought.
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BINGO! We have a winner!
**That is my hubby. Esp since we have 8 and home school. It’s never a quick “Oh I have 8 and we homeschool. Yep, all ours. Now please open your portfolios to the first diagram to see the projected call flow design…” He’d never make his deadlines!🙂 **
He loves his kids and is decent about knowing the nitty gritty details, but he really doesn’t want to discuss such things at work if he can avoid it. It’s an image of non-conformity that some people don’t like. No matter how much they claim “diversity” is what they want - it isn’t.
**He does keep pictures plastered all over his work area though. And writings and art work. There is certainly no doubt he is a proud daddy!👍 **
 
I think some men don’t chatter away like women about things like that. They love their children, but some aren’t into bragging about them whereas many women love to do that, which is fine too. I imagine I’ll probably chatter about my kids too when I finally have them.

My father is very proud of the three of us, very sensitive and loves us wonderfully, but he doesn’t talk about us a lot. I think it is because he told me once when I was a teenager, that it gets tiring hearing people continuously talk about their children like there is nothing else in life to talk about it. He didn’t want to be one of those kinds of parents.

BTW StratusRose - We share the same birthday!!! 🙂 Congratulations on your wedding!!!
 
What? My kids birthdays? I had my whole day planned out and you throw a monkey wrench in the mix. One track minds. Tim
 
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