Are nursing homes immoral?

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Pixle_Catholic

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My dad had a stroke this year and has been at home. He can do very little things.

My mom, who is in her 50s has been trying her best to take care of him but it is becoming a very large burden on her back and she’s been considering placing him in a nursing home.

My father does NOT want to go to a nursing home, at all. Would it be immoral to place him in a nursing home if he doesn’t want to go?

I’m not speaking of, would this be a sin or not. It is not a sin issue but more of a what would be the best path issue. 🙂
 
I can’t say that nursing homes are immoral. My experience with them is not good with my own family members, but I hope the things I encountered were not indicative of nursing homes as a whole.

I understand him not wanting to go to one and if he’s forced to go there it could make him feel like he’s being abandoned. However, he should also take his wife’s concerns into account too.

Can your family arrange for in-home care? That’s what my family did for my grandmother and it was wonderful.
 
Is there a family member who can give mom a hand, maybe move mom and dad into their home or a home health solution that can allow him to stay home?

Right now, I would do everything to avoid a nursing home because they are hot spots for the virus, visitors are limited or not allowed at all.
 
To start with, I am sorry for your family troubles and pray for your father’s well-being.

As for advice, all I feel qualified to say is that if you do decide to send him to a nursing home make sure it is a good one. Do research into it’s reputation, it’s legal history, and visit in-person.
 
I’m not sure, I’ll have to check with her about in-home care. I believe it was that her insurance did not cover it.
 
Pixle_Catholic said:
Would it be immoral to place him in a nursing home if he doesn’t want to go?
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I can only tell you what is happening within my own family right now. My wife’s parents are both in their mid 80’s. She has recovered from major cancer surgery and he was diagnosed with Parkinson’s about 5 years ago. Because he has done absolutely nothing to help himself, has ignored numerous doctors’ advice to be more active and try to retain his mobility and keep circulation somewhat efficient, and will not take his medications as prescribed, he is now a near total invalid. My mother in law has to help him dress, get to the bathroom (which also happens several times a night), and bathe at least occasionally.

He does nothing all day but sit in his chair, nap in his chair, stare at the tv, and eat his meals in his chair. The result, as mentioned, is that he can do nothing any longer for himself. He calls mom into the living room for one thing or another an average of every seven minutes (I kept track last weekend). She is exhausted and can no longer act as his caregiver. Because they live over a hundred miles from the nearest city and the majority of family there is no way they can spend the coming winter on the farm. So this past Wednesday my wife and her three siblings, along with her mom and dad, toured a facility that offers long term care and can house the two of them. He is not keen on this and is only just beginning to see how impossible the situation has become. Even if my wife and I were to leave the city and move out there with them we could not look after him the way he now needs to be cared for. It’s not a matter of morality in this instance, but of survival for the two of them. The home is the only option.
 
Can you get a home care agency to come in a few hours a week to help?
 
Pixle_Catholic said:
My father does NOT want to go to a nursing home, at all.
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I can understand that, but sometimes people need more care than family is able to give.

You and your mom should speak to county services for the elderly and Medicare to see what services he may qualify for without additional cost.

But ultimately even that may not be the right solution.
Pixle_Catholic said:
Would it be immoral to place him in a nursing home if he doesn’t want to go?
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No it is not immoral.

Again, sometimes people need more care than family can give.
Pixle_Catholic said:
It is not a sin issue but more of a what would be the best path issue. 🙂
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Get some professional advice from an elder care specialist. Going into a home against his will may also cause him to develop other problems like depression. It’s best that if he has to go he receives counseling to help adjust.
 
Pixle_Catholic said:
My father does NOT want to go to a nursing home, at all. Would it be immoral to place him in a nursing home if he doesn’t want to go?
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Of course, speaking generally, it would be immoral to go against his will. The Commandment says: Honor your father and your mother. However, there are exceptions, for example, in the case of his declining health and it is near impossible to treat him at home, while it is clear that he will get much better treatment in the nursing home resulting in improvements to his health.
 
It all comes down to his consent and his capacity to make his own decision. If he hasn’t been affected mentally by the stroke (or doesn’t have other cognitive issues) it would be completely immoral/illegal to place him in a home against his will. If the family feel he lacks capacity, it will need formally assessed by a medic… and if he lacks that capacity he can be placed in the home “in his best interests”.

Even here in the UK if someone is deemed to have no capacity but still doesn’t want to go to the nursing home, they can’t physically be taken from their own home kicking and screaming though (unless they’re detained under the mental health act). It’s very complicated.

I see families struggling with caring for their loved ones daily and all these dilemmas they have to face.

Nursing homes in themselves are not immoral. They can be great places for the right people.

I’m sorry for what you are all going through, it can’t be easy.
 
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They’re not a great choice if you have other options. I don’t think they’re immoral
 
Are they immoral by nature? No. Could they be immoral in certain circumstances? Sure.

I will say, my grandfathers experience in a nursing home in the last years of his life was stellar. He had tons of friends there, the facility was very nice (he had his own studio apartment, it wasn’t like he was shoved into a cot in the corner) and he was ten minutes away from my parents so they visited often.

It was really no different than him living in an apartment complex with a little extra help and a communal dining room.
 
Where I live, most of the nursing homes are safer from coronavirus than the rest of the community because visitors are not allowed at all unless it is an end-of-life scenario, which is why now might not be the best time to send him to a nursing home if you would like to make regular visits in person to see him.

Everybody’s situation is unique. Like others have already said, prayers go out for you to make the best decision for your loved ones.
 
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Are you in the US? If you are this may apply.

I know you mentioned your mother’s insurance doesn’t cover in home care. The majority of insurance plans do not cover long term care in a nursing home either, typically only a shorter stay for rehab. The cost is astronomical. If you father has Medicaid, they will cover the cost. But Medicaid (the state) will seek to recoup much of that cost after your father passes. I just went through this scenario with my own father.

Nursing homes of course are not immoral. If in home care is an option, it would likely be a better option though.
 
Amac1 said:
It all comes down to his consent and his capacity to make his own decision. If he hasn’t been affected mentally by the stroke (or doesn’t have other cognitive issues) it would be completely immoral/illegal to place him in a home against his will. If the family feel he lacks capacity, it will need formally assessed by a medic… and if he lacks that capacity he can be placed in the home “in his best interests”.

Even here in the UK if someone is deemed to have no capacity but still doesn’t want to go to the nursing home, they can’t physically be taken from their own home kicking and screaming though (unless they’re detained under the mental health act). It’s very complicated.

I see families struggling with caring for their loved ones daily and all these dilemmas they have to face.

Nursing homes in themselves are not immoral. They can be great places for the right people.

I’m sorry for what you are all going through, it can’t be easy.
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I find it astonishing to say that “it would be completely immoral/illegal to place him in a home agaiinst his will.” If the man hasn’t made prior financial arrangements for his care in the event of his incapacity, and if no family member can care for him, shall they just vamoose, leaving him to his own devices?
 
There are 4 ways people die in today’s world.
Instantly which actually makes up a very small percentage of deaths
Get sick go in the hospital and die
Get sick get treated get sick again and so on until you die
The last is the same except you require long term care before you die.

Most people die the last two ways.
 
I suppose there are really good nursing homes, but generally, they tend to have poor reputations. And if relatives complain, their staffs and administrators tend to retaliate. Residents are supposed to be treated according to the Patient’s Bill of Rights, but this isn’t always honored.

I took my CNA training in our local nursing home, and that’s when I decided to become a home health aide and take care of folks in their own homes. Much better for them, for their families, and for everyone’s morale.

I wouldn’t say that nursing homes themselves are immoral. What is immoral is abuse and neglect inside of them, and families who just toss their relatives in them to get rid of them, and never bother to visit them. Also, the tendency in some of them to over-drug the residents so the staff doesn’t have to deal with them.
 
This is very tough. We went through it with my Grandfather after my Grandmother died.

We tried a nursing home but took him out after a couple of weeks.

I would say that it is only immoral if you are choosing to do it for immoral reasons.

If you are doing it for good reasons with his best interests in your heart then it is not immoral.
 
Nobody ever wants to go into a nursing home. But if proper care is too much for the family, it is often the best thing.
 
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