Are Sexual Minorities Children of God?

[mariafransisca2]

Hello,

I don’t usually hang in this section. I hang in the Spirituality section. But I was caught by this thread called, can a homosexual be a heterosexual?

My answer would be YES!

Here is my story
I am a female, 21 years old, of chinese descendent, living in Indonesia. When I was around 14, I fell in love with this woman, her name was Sandra. She wasn’t that pretty, but I thought, at that time, something caught me more than just her externals. She was my english teacher at that time. Lo and behold, I experience that “falling in love” like, head over heels. I have never experienced that before. Before that I identify myself as a heterosexual. But after experiencing that falling in love, I don’t know anymore.

I started researching on the Internet, and I found this gay forum, which was horrible. And I made some friends. These friends were older than me. And have had more experiences in this matter, and one of them gave me “gay movies” And I started watching them.

I didn’t want to identify myself as a lesbian or bisexual, because I just don’t think I am. I was just in love with this person who happened to be a woman. But my weaknesses got in, and I started watching gay porn. And little by little I was lead to believe that I was gay.

She got married, and had to move to the US, because her husband is American. I was crushed, at that time, very crushed. And as a teenager, full of vigour and dreams, I think I would go to America and “stole” her from her husband so that she could be mine. And we can live happily ever after (haha, that was a MORTAL sin)

I wasn’t happy during that time, during my teenage years, I committed many mortal sins and lived far away from God. I got invoved in pornography almost daily and constantly, and I have to say, that I think it is almost impossible to be a homosexual and living chastely.

I gave up my school to earn this scholarship to America (my thinking at that time), but I failed. But during that time, I emailed her, around once every two weeks, and I let her know my feelings, how I was in love with her. She was happy to know that I was in love with her, and I guess our feelings were reciprocal. The only difference is that she didn’t consider herself to be gay, and she loves me, but not in that way.

When I was older, around 20 years old, I began to make sexual moves on her on our emails, because I was drunk. She never replied again, because she was hurt. She loves me and she had suggested that we should be friends, even friends till old age. She finds me interesting and a person with interesting and witty personality (in her own words), and I was touched.

But when I was around 16, my dad got in an affair, and I was desperate. I thought about committing a suicide ( a mortal sin, and I can go to hell straight away), but thankfully I didn’t have a courage. But I was desperate and have lost hope. I turned to Jesus. I said, putting my head near the closet, because I had been plundering about things in the bathroom, I said, Jesus, have mercy on me a sinner.

Jesus have mercy on me a sinner!

Jesus have mercy on me a sinner!

As many times as I liked. And I went to this place which I thought were a retreat place, but it was not. It was a rehabilitation centre. There were some mentally ill people (people who spoke to themselves), but some of them had the same complaints. They were stressed out with their lives. I stayed there about 3 months. I went to confession, read the bible, prayed the rosary daily. And everytime I fell, I just say, Jesus have mercy on me a sinner.

Truth be told, I was in desperate condition at that time, I did not feel like I was a human. I didn’t know what I was anymore, because of the sins I was involved before, because of being hurt by my father. But Jesus healed me little by little, he healed my soul, my body, but gradually. As I continued to say, Jesus have mercy on me a sinner!

After that I was taken to this monastery, a poor clares monastery, and I met this sister, Sister Elfrida. She was very sweet and gentle, she looked at my condition and felt pity on me. She helped me, and she asked me what was the problem. I said, I fell in love with this woman and I quit school to pursue her, she already had a husband. And this sister told me, you are not a homosexual. You are precious in the sight of God. You are smart, you are beautiful. In short, she made me feel like I am precious. And she gave me love.

Love and attention that I’ve been looking for from my mother and father yet have not had it.
And she told me, maybe you have heart wounds, you know, someone who have hurt you in the past, let’s take care of that.

And she asked me to tell her stories about my past. And I remembered vividly, that at around the age of 8 I saw my Dad watching porn, and I was horrified because at that time I didn’t know what it was. I just saw a woman naked, that’s all. And I was hurt. Because it was my DAD. He was supposed to be faithful and loving to my mother, not the other way around. And around that time also, I saw my mother and father “having sex”. They watched porn while doing it, and kept condoms in their room.

The keyhole at the door at that time is “peekable” , meaning, you can take a peek. So I did, and I saw my mother butt naked. And I was horrified!

There was this porn music surrounding it. And I was only eight. I know nothing about sex and it was my first time of knowing it in such a terrible and horrifying way.

Turned out, it hurt me. And after that I cannot make friends with any boy whatsoever and I think that boys are evil and dirty. Before that I have had friends who were boys, have had close ones as well. They were Weyta and Weyli.

 

[mariafransisca2]

So, in my teenage years I began having attractions to girls and shunned boys. Boys are evil (in my thought). It was the relationship I had with my father.

So, this sister asked me, if you want to cry you could. And I cried like crazy. I said I have been having this burden, of seeing my dad watched porn and my parents together together, and could not yet figure it out, all my life. And this sister helped me. She said I should forgive my parents, especially my dad. That way, I will be healed.

So, I prayed the rosary countless of times to forgive my dad. Besides, in my teenage years, my dad did some horrible things to me, he taught me self help books which was of no use, because at that time I was still 13. And have no interest in it whatsoever. I think that self help books are lies. Because you don’t depend on God to solve your problems, or to help you, but you depend on your own powers and intellect. And yes, they are lies. We can do nothing without God. We cannot help ourselves. Only God can.

Plus, he almost committed adultery when I was 16, so I was just very very confused about my dad. So, I forgive him. I said, Father, forgive my father for he knew not what he did, and say as many hail marys as I like until I feel deep peace in my heart and Jesus healed my heart.

I still feel same sex attraction now, but I shun it off. I tend not to look at women in the face, I cast my eyes down. But I do experience attraction to men too, so I consider myself to be normal.

This another sister, of Carmel, told me, that homosexuals, transgenders, they are just hurt by their parents (father or mother), and almost all of them had bad relationship or is not loved by their father or mother. Or, when they were in the womb, they were expected another sex than what they are. For example, if a mother had a baby boy, but she expected to have a baby girl. The stronger the expectation, the more rejection the baby boy felt, so when he grew up, especially during his teenage years, he will become effeminate to fulfill the expectations of her mother. To get the love from her mother. To be accepted as he is.

The only way to heal this, is by prayer of healing. That if the boy forgives his mother, who had expected him to be a girl when in the womb, and somebody or the boy himself pray a prayer of healing and forgiveness. He will be healed.

There is no homosexuals or transgenders. There are just heart wounds. Heart wounds because of being hurt by a father or a mother. Or looking for a mother figure or a father figure.

I know because during my childhood I was quite a tomboy. When I was in my teenage years I desired to be a real woman, because I find that many boys were attracted to me, so I think I would like to be a pretty woman. Not a tomboy. But I found it very hard.

This sister of Carmel asked me to ask my mother if she had expected me to be a boy when I was in the womb. And since I was the first child, my mother said, yes, during the first months I had expected you to be a boy and had looked baby boy clothes and toys.

There you go! The source of me being a tomboy. I used to have short hair. But now I grow it, to be have a long hair. Since in the bible it is said that it is a sign of honor for a woman to have a long hair.

So, this sister of Carmel, whose name is Sister Vianney, prayed a prayer of healing when I was in the womb, so that I can be a fully woman, not a tomboy anymore, and it worked!

I pray also, and I forgive my mother for wanting me to be a boy when I was in the womb. Maybe it is the reason why I had been having same sex attraction in the first place.

I am not saying I am fully healed but I think 80%. I had asked Jesus, Jesus, why do I still experience same sex attraction (especially to those woman who is especially pretty and dress immodestly), why don’t you take that away from me? I do not want it anymore?

I do not yet have the answer, but it is just a cross I have to bear daily and patiently.
I have made a decision to live chastely and keep my virginity for Jesus for all time. And have decided to live a single life for him. For now and forever. That means, forgoing marriage.

I find that the love of Jesus suffices for me. He is my life, my love, my happiness. I love him more than anything. More than anyone. He is my everything. I am his spouse. He is my bridegroom and I am his bride.

If you want to learn more about being the bride of Christ, and the love he has for you as his spouse, you should read Spiritual Canticle of the Soul - by St. John of the Cross. It is written in a loving tone of a spouse. Christ is your bridegroom, and you are his bride. St. John of the Cross were completely in love with the Lord, and it is written in the same tone of Song of Songs.

Actually the book of Song of Songs, is directed to us. Christ is speaking to us as his wife, as his spouse, which he considers pretty and beautiful.

You should also read Interior Castle - By St. Teresa of Avila. In it, Jesus revealed to St. Teresa of Avila that a soul in a state of Grace is compared to a castle made of Crystal. The beauty is incomparable, because God dwells in the deepest recesses of the castle, that is the 7th mansion, the deepest recesses of our hearts.

The beauty of the soul.

That is what Jesus said in the Song of Songs. The beauty of a soul in a state of Grace. Jesus is in love with me and I with him.

It is only I and him. He looks at me and I look at him.

 

[mariafransisca2]

About Sandra, I emailed her awhile back, to say that I am sorry. And I want to be her friend, her best friend. And I experienced that sort of “in love” feelings all over again. So I asked Jesus, Jesus, what is this love that I have for Sandra. Why do I feel this way toward her, like to none others. I have never felt this to anyone, not even a boy. So I ask him, is it possible for a soul who is a woman to be in love with another soul who is a woman?

And Jesus let me know through interior inspiration, that this in fact is possible. In love, with a chaste love. I had been listening to Jason Evert about chastity, so I feel drawn to this beautiful virtue called chastity. I want to live a chaste life for Jesus. I remembered that St. John of the Cross, in his Spiritual Canticle, St. John is a man, and he considered himself to be a bride of Christ, and Christ is his bridegroom. And he is in love with Christ, with a chaste love.

And I thought to myself, isn’t he a male?

But I tried not to dwell on it, because God is a mystery. God is love. So love is a mystery.

Archbishop Fulton Sheen had a talk, titled, Sex is a mystery.

I agree with him.

So I said, Jesus, I am happy that Sandra have a wonderful and loving husband. I am happy for her. As a sister, as a mother, as a daughter. She doesn’t have any children, so I said to her, I can be your daughter. To put things in perspective. I love her, as a mother, as a daughter, and as a sister.

And as a best friend. And yes, I am still in love with her. She is my best friend.

This morning, I experience the same feeling of in love, with the Mother of God. Mother Mary. I said, Mother, you are so beautiful, I am in love with you.

And she answered, I am in love with you too.

See, we can love one another with a chaste love, as Jesus had loved us. And how has he loved us, read the Song of Songs, and you will understand. It is written in a tone of a loving spouse. Christ is your bridegroom, and you are his bride.

I do believe we can fall in love with another soul, who is the same sex as ours, we love her as a sister, as a daughter, as a mother. If you are a male, then as a brother, as a father, as a son.

If you want to know why I said this, it is because we are created in the image and likeness of God. God is the Father, Son and Holy Ghost. The Father loves the Son, in the Holy Spirit. And if you listen to Christopher West, Man and Woman is created in the image and likeness of God, the Love that God share between the three persons, The Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost, is intended that a Man and a Woman share that too. In sexual relationship, that is faithful, total, fruitful. The Fruit is children.

Just like the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost, who is love. Actually, Family is made in the image and likeness of God. It reflects the relationship God has in the trinity. The relationship of Love. Eternal love that The Father give to the Son, totally in the holy spirit. And the happiness they share. That is why we are called to love one another as Jesus loved us, and to be one with him.

It is a mystery, it says in the bible, of the unity of Man and Woman, in marriage. It reflects the marriage of the Lamb. The eternal love we will share, in the divine life of the Father, and of the Son, the love that they share, in the holy spirit. In the words of Christopher West, the eternal explosion of Love.

We are Created in the Image and likeness of God who is Love. God is love and mercy itself. So, we have to love one another as Jesus have loved us.

How had he loved us? By dying on the cross for us. To redeem us. Forgiving us of all our sins and adopting us as the sons and daughters of God. We are also his spouse. So… Love is a mystery. The love that spouses share, man and woman, is a mystery.

And this love can only be realized, if we live in full communion with Christ, and abide in his love. So that we can share the love that we feel from God, to one another. And love one another as Jesus had loved us.

May the merciful Jesus bless you, and grant you understanding about the beauty of human sexuality. That the sexuality that he has given us as a gift, and it is a beautiful gift. And he has a plan for our sexuality. And that plan is chastity.

I think Sandra has an inexplicably beautiful Soul and I love her. As a friend, as a mother, as a daughter, and as a sister. God has permitted me to love her, even encouraged me.
When I opened my heart to love her, there is a whole lot of horizons opened for me. My relationship with God grew more personal, with Mother Mary and with my brothers and sisters saints. She is my best friend, and God has decided it before he founded the world. I just had a bad time of realizing it, and fitting it in God’s plan for me in my life. I misunderstood my own feelings, while he gave me Sandra, for my best friend. To heal me. To love me. And to love. So that we can be the image and likeness of God who is love. We can be like God. God who is love and mercy itself.

Now I go to confession weekly, have 4 regular confessors, and I love Jesus more than anything in the world!

My homepage:
chastityislove.blogspot.com/
saintsarefamily.blogspot.com/

Links:

Christopher West - Theology of the Body
Christopher West Free Audio - Naked Without Shame
Free Saints Books
saintsbooks.net/BooksList.html
basilica.org/pages/ebooks.php
everycatholicblog.blogspot.com/

 

[mariafransisca2]

Please pray for her, isnt’ she lovely?

May the merciful Jesus bless you

 

[mariafransisca2]

To answer your question, YES I am the child of God. I am the daughter of Jesus Very much. And he loves me the same. He loves me as I am.

I love him very much

May the merciful Jesus bless you, and grant you salvation

PS: I’m not gay, lol. I just have same sex attraction and the tendencies but I do not act on it. Pretty strong, I must say. But I never look at a woman in the face, I just cast my eyes down.
That’s my mortification for love of Jesus

Jesus is my love, my all, and my everything. And I am in love with Jesus.

 

[JackVk]

Mother Teresa didn’t even want homosexuals to be called “homosexuals”. She wanted them to be called “friends of Jesus”.