Are some forms of lying acceptable?

[contramundum7]

i know a woman who was the victim of domestic violence. She now has a mental/emotional disorder because of what she endured & has major trust issues. When people ask her “everyday” questions such as “what is your address?” she freaks out, thinking that if she gives her address to certain people, there is the chance the psycho ex-boyfriend (he threatened to kill her, etc.) who destroyed her life will somehow get it. To some, her fears seem ungrounded… But anyway, she has sometimes “lied”, put down past addresses on certain forms, instead of the current one, etc. I wanted to know what the forum thought about htis? To me, it involves her sense of feeling safe (not having to live in fear) and i feel she is justified in doing this. Her ex was connected wtih crooked cops and other untrustworthy people, some of whom worked for state agencies… I don’t feel she is wrong to use false info. For one thing, I don’t think it is most people’s business where she lives anyway… Other than this, she is a very honest & very devout Christian.
I would like others’ opinions…

 

[Della]

If I were this gal, I’d move to another state, as far away from the ex as possible! No kidding.

But, as to your question, this lady is not totally responsible for her actions at the present time. She can’t be held culpable when she can’t even judge what is safe for her and what isn’t.

She may be sinning by lying, but she can’t be held responsible. If she is a Catholic, she ought to talk to her confessor about her situation, and see a good counselor, as well.

 

[contramundum7]

If I were this gal, I’d move to another state, as far away from the ex as possible! No kidding.

But, as to your question, this lady is not totally responsible for her actions at the present time. She can’t be held culpable when she can’t even judge what is safe for her and what isn’t.

She may be sinning by lying, but she can’t be held responsible. If she is a Catholic, she ought to talk to her confessor about her situation, and see a good counselor, as well.

Thanks for the response. She did move thousands of miles away from him… but she’s still scared because, as stated, he knows - or used to know - people who work(ed) in gov. agencies… She’s afraid of him (them) finding her that way… He’s so crazy that if he knew where she lived, he would be back in her life… & may even do what he threatened… Yes, she is Catholic… God bless you.

 

[LeahInancsi]

It depends on the purpose for the form she is filling out. If she’s filling out her IRS Form 1040, I think she’d have a problem (venial) other than the obvious legal one. If she’s filling out a form to get a grocery store discount card, etc., there’s no problem. It’s none of the grocery store’s busniess where she lives.

Perhaps, she should have a post office box.

 

[contramundum7]

It depends on the purpose for the form she is filling out. If she’s filling out her IRS Form 1040, I think she’d have a problem (venial) other than the obvious legal one. If she’s filling out a form to get a grocery store discount card, etc., there’s no problem. It’s none of the grocery store’s busniess where she lives.

Perhaps, she should have a post office box.

She has a po box and has ever since her PTSD began. She tries very hard not to ever lie… but feels that staying alive is more important than being totally honest - and honest about things that, as you say, are usually no one’s business…

Thanks for the response.
I see you have a baby… You are very fortunate - (I can’t - probably - have any… but i keep praying). God bless you…

 

[puzzleannie]

of course it is not lying to withhold the truth to protect yourself, in any case, if a person has a question about moral dilemmas, they talk to their priest, they don’t have to put up with the judgmentalism of other people. What she does or says is a matter of her own prudential judgment and conscience, only she knows all the facts of her situation, so nobody here has any right to comment except to the extent of objective teaching, which is, that a direct intentional lie is a sin, but there is no obligation to give to truth to anyone who has no right to it.

 

[contramundum7]

of course it is not lying to withhold the truth to protect yourself, in any case, if a person has a question about moral dilemmas, they talk to their priest, they don’t have to put up with the judgmentalism of other people. What she does or says is a matter of her own prudential judgment and conscience, only she knows all the facts of her situation, so nobody here has any right to comment except to the extent of objective teaching, which is, that a direct intentional lie is a sin, but there is no obligation to give to truth to anyone who has no right to it.

Thanks - that is pretty much what i thought. The sad thing is that a lot of people who “lie” for good reason are thoguht to be horrible sinners… I guess it just goes to show you, we never know why people lie or do whatever they do…