Are the impure unfit for marriage, even if they have confessed?

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Maria

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My friend who has sinned in the past but is working on reforming her life and has repented is worried that no “good Catholic” man would marry her because of her past sins. She feels a good man would deserve someone better who is pure. I am saddened by her feelings of unworthiness and lack of hope. Is she really scarred for life?

What does everyone think about this?
 
Remind her that no one, no one, save Christ, is without sin.
Once she asked forgiveness, they (the sins) were gone.

There is a song, can’t remember by who, about our sins once repented, being at the bottom of the ocean.
Unfortunately, some folks like to go fishing…
 
Maria.
I am touched by the love you have for your friend.
Tell her:
  • she is NOT impure (the Bible says God washes our sins away and He remembers them no more).
  • Tell her that she is WORTH waiting for
  • tell her, that love, true love, makes all things NEW. That is… when she meets the right man they will love eachother intensely and their first time together will be the virgin-time for the two of them… so what is important is that she, from now on, lives chastely until her wedding night… all is not lost… there is a second chance here to do things right.
  • ask her: would you turn away a beautiful wonderful soul because that person had once been ill but is now healed? she will probably say " of course not"… Well, Jesus says: We will be meassured according to the maessure with which we ourselves meassure others…
  • she is a daughter of the Most High and a princess… before anyone else she belongs to Christ. We have all sinned and fallen short of the glory… but Jesus resurrects the dead. Tell her to ask for the right man… a humble, loving man who will look at her and say: “We have each other here and now… how wonderfully blessed I am … Praise you Lord for this precious gem you have given me.”
A sin can produce the fruit of humility and compassion. In Christ what was bad can be made to serve that which is good in this way.

That is the whole truth and there is nothing more to be said. The devil will try to tell your friend to give up on herself and neglect herself and her dreams for life. He will NOT succeed… Amen?
  • written by a once-fornicator, always loved by God, who also once had those destructive thoughts, but NO MORE. Halleluja:)
 
GraceDK said:
Maria.
I am touched by the love you have for your friend.
Tell her:
  • she is NOT impure (the Bible says God washes our sins away and He remembers them no more).
  • Tell her that she is WORTH waiting for
  • tell her, that love, true love, makes all things NEW. That is… when she meets the right man they will love eachother intensely and their first time together will be the virgin-time for the two of them… so what is important is that she, from now on, lives chastely until her wedding night… all is not lost… there is a second chance here to do things right.
  • ask her: would you turn away a beautiful wonderful soul because that person had once been ill but is now healed? she will probably say " of course not"… Well, Jesus says: We will be meassured according to the maessure with which we ourselves meassure others…
  • she is a daughter of the Most High and a princess… before anyone else she belongs to Christ. We have all sinned and fallen short of the glory… but Jesus resurrects the dead. Tell her to ask for the right man… a humble, loving man who will look at her and say: “We have each other here and now… how wonderfully blessed I am … Praise you Lord for this precious gem you have given me.”
A sin can produce the fruit of humility and compassion. In Christ what was bad can be made to serve that which is good in this way.

That is the whole truth and there is nothing more to be said. The devil will try to tell your friend to give up on herself and neglect herself and her dreams for life. He will NOT succeed… Amen?
  • written by a once-fornicator, always loved by God, who also once had those destructive thoughts, but NO MORE. Halleluja:)
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wow
 
Wow, Grace, that was awesome, and right on! :bowdown:

BTDT2 and I wish someone had told me what you just said. :hug1:
 
Carrie.
So do I. But it applies to your life right now at any rate.
I send you a sisterly hug.

By the way. I am presently in love with a person who is not a virgin but has lived a sinful life before his conversion to Christ. I have often wondered why his past never bothered me… I even know that he has had one night stands several years ago… but the intensity with which he loves me makes me realise that what has been before is nothing compared to the present… It all made me realise that the phrase “the past is gone”, is really true. I would not have believed it unless I had experienced it.
And I am certain that it cannot compete… I mean the marital total self giving in sexual union (which I have yet to experience)… how can that compete with the pre-marital sex which might have been sweet in a sense but always had an element of bitterness and dragging the soul down…
I think religion takes a wrong path when we loose the ability to let go of our shame. This is the ego and not the will of God.
Upon speaking with a spiritual director a while back telling her how depressed I was due to my past sin she challenged me: "yes, what we have here is an identity-crisis … really, and it hurts a great deal, but there is also a lot of pride in it and defence mecanisms (like “I will enter a convent or move to a desert island in order to never get hurt again…)” And she told me to thank God for letting me experience this fall. My enormous suffering showed namely that I, through my own ideals and the ideals of others’ had gotten a disproportionate self-image… saying thank you for this mortifying experience would be humbling. I went home and gave the Father thanks and I really feel that my boastful ego from the past has been greatly diminished.
I am who I am… and as Scripture says: If I shall boast it will be in one thing only, namely Christ Jesus.
 
Maria said:
My friend who has sinned in the past but is working on reforming her life and has repented is worried that no “good Catholic” man would marry her because of her past sins. She feels a good man would deserve someone better who is pure. I am saddened by her feelings of unworthiness and lack of hope. Is she really scarred for life?

What does everyone think about this?
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No one is “fit” for marriage, just as no one finds the “right” person. Furthermore, everyone is scarred. Virgins are scarred too, in their own way (my wife and I were both virgins at marriage, but we were not without scars).

Marriage is not about “fitness,” not about finding the “right” person (in anything other than a providential sense). It’s about making a covenant, a covenant that on both sides is a matter of grace and not of merit.

Edwin
 
Thank-you so much for relpying to my question everyone. I will be sure to have my friend read your replies and I think they will help her feel better about herself and help her to realize that she is truly forgiven and her past sin is washed clean. She can start over just like the rest of us when we are forgiven for our sins 🙂

Grace, thank-you for sharing your beautiful thoughts…brought a tear to my eye!
 
Maria.

I will add that my whole story has happend over the last few months, so the scars are quite fresh. When I sinned I suffered so much that even my Christian friends looked at me with reservation and said: “honey… I know its not good, but you are getting patological about this… get over it already”. I was having a genuine depression and I prayed hard one night as I challenged Jesus: I said: “Jesus I am in Hell through my own fault…yet you are known to resurrect the dead. Now does the Gospel work or does it not?” I challenged God in a most unholy manner… because I had not the faith for it. And He stepped in and showed me that indeed the Gospel is absolutely true and can easily carry a sinner like me who thought herself beyond repair.
Tell your friend that I love her and that she is a precious, precious beloved of Jesus (why else would the devil tempt to fall in the first place… he tempts those whom he is jealous off… but he was a murderer from the beginning and will not win this battle).
Tell her to be ever more a romantic now. We all live and learn… and now… we have MERCY and COMPASSION for everyone and we help and we love because we were loved first.
Trust in Jesus… He knows exactly which prince He is going to send her way… 🙂 Hugs <><
 
Maria said:
My friend who has sinned in the past but is working on reforming her life and has repented is worried that no “good Catholic” man would marry her because of her past sins. She feels a good man would deserve someone better who is pure. I am saddened by her feelings of unworthiness and lack of hope. Is she really scarred for life?

What does everyone think about this?
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Consider how Christ treated the woman at the well. Any good Catholic man should treat her with equal dignity and respect.
 
consider how the Lord dealt with Israel who was not faithful to Him but ran after other gods… running after her lovers she ended up standing naked in the wilderness.
“… but me she forgot…” the Lord says…
but then He turns to her
and He says: " I will betroth you to Me forever". (Hosea 2)
 
Maria said:
Is she really scarred for life?

What does everyone think about this?
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We are all scarred.

I wonder, perhaps, if your friend is simply growing in her faith, by realizing the horror of past sin. Healing comes too with that, with a return to confession and to God’s grace and the rest of the sacraments.

And if she’s despairing about ever marrying a “good, Catholic” man, then she’d better avoid judgmental “good, Catholic” men. The truly good ones wouldn’t dare judge without first taking a long good look in the mirror.
 
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